BLOGS AND CONFESSIONS

[B] #10 - HEAL YOURSELF

It's late in the evening and you're crying because your boyfriend cheated on you. You caught him! You caught him on your two eyes that he has a another girl and it broke your heart and turn them into tiny pieces. You love him more than you love yourself but why? Why did he do that?

"Sana...nananaginip lang ako.." You said then go back what happened yesterday.

***

It's a sunday cloudy morning when you woke up with a good mood. You're not a norpid woman that you can't feel the coldness of your boyfriend towards you. Yeah, it hurts but you acted normal and a little bit dumb because...you love him.

Harsh thoughts are gettin' in to your mind and you even asked yourself why?

"Baket ganon siya? May nagawa bakong mali o kasalanan?" You can't help but ask yourself why is he acting like a fridge. You also fight small things often. He is avoiding you like you never existed infront of you. You're just an air.

You put the hot water to the coffee cup and still thinking about his cold treament about you. You start to stir your morning drink while your mind is flying to the thoughts and brought you to an unbelievable reason.

"Siguro..may iba na siyang mahal" You uttered within your lungs then exhale some frustated air. Maybe? Or maybe not? Francis — your boyfriend wouldn't do that. He promised you that he will not hurt you and will not make you cry.

He did such a thing like that. He's not a man who you can imagine breaking a woman's heart.

"Baka pagod lang siya o di naman kaya'y gusto magpag-isa" You remove the 'negative' reason and jumped in to the 'positive' one.

"Yeah right. Di niya magagawa yon!" You are convincing yourself about that. You have to trust him as much as possible.

Hours passed, your boyfriend didn't drop you any call or even text you. Is he too busy and a simple text he can't do it?

You grabbed your phone in a side and started to compose a message to him. You miss him but the question is... "Is he miss you too?"

"Hi babe! Kamusta ka naman diyan? Nagaantay ako ng text mo kanina pa pero mukhang busy ka jan kaya nakalimutan mo kong iupdate. Kumain ka ah? I love you!"

After that you press the 'send' button. You hope that the message that you sent urge him to reply, busy or not busy.

Until lunch time, no replies from your boyfriend and you left with no choice and that is to go to his work and see what's he doing. You're worried about him and can't take this anymore. You, as his boyfriend, you lowen down your pride because you want to fix this mess and say sorry to him.

He is working in an institution where his job is a civil engineer. You brought food and a new mug because your boyfriend loves to drink coffee and that mug is for him.

When you arrived to the place, you smiled greetly to the guard who's in duty by that time. You approached him and asked for your boyfriend's whereabouts.

"Baka nasa opisina niya po Ma'am kasama po ata si Ma'am Maica" With a surprised look about the guard statement you asked who's that Maica.

"Sinong Maica yun manong?" You asked and tried to be calm.

Calm down Janine, Calm down.

"Yung kapartner po ni Sir Francis Ma'am" The guard replied. After that conversation, you thanked the guard for giving the directions of where your boyfriend might be.

Is this normal? You felt heavy about the information that you knew recently. No, you erased it on your mind. They are just partners Janine. Partners ok?

You reached the third flooring and go to ROOM 211 where the guard instructed. You pause for a moment and you listen carefully what's happening inside.

God, please...

Fortunately, the door was not locked and you twist it and open the door. Then, your world stop when your saw your boyfriend kissing a girl in a bed.

Your conciousness was occupied and you intentionally dropped what you are holding causing to get their attention.

"J-Janine???" Your boyfriend said surprisingly. They must having their lust time and you broke their moment.

He stood up and tried to walk to your area but you stop him in mid way. Your tears wants to fall but you hinder it for a moment. You don't want to cry infront of them.

"Sorry... Continue your happy moment" You said and turned around, start to walk away from those cheaters! Your errand became fast because you can hear your boyfriend shouting your name.

You passed the guard who helped you earlier. "M-Ma'am!" you heard the guard but you keep walking until you find the escape in that place.

Now that explains everything. From the cold treatments, from no texts and calls. Then now, you're still walking while the watery salty liquid formed in your eyes continues to fall. Those tears is a sign that you're in pain and you can't accept that your boyfriend cheated you.

After that incident, you didn't bother to answer your boyfriend's calls or even his messages. He texted and called you many times— maybe to talk about what happened? Nah. No need. It happened already and there's no more explaining to do.

You went to the nearest park and surprisingly, you didn't notice that the sun is starting to fade away. It's almost sunset when you decided to go here.

You felt the breezy wind flowing and it made you calm for a bit. Heartbreaks and cheating are so painful. Napangiwi ka at napatawa ng bahagya.

"He should've told me na di na ako hahaha" You muttered under your breath.

You really love your boyfriend very well and you and Francis were quitely tough. Time strengthen you both and just a blink of an eye, everything vanished— everything broke into pieces.

***

After you reminisced the hurtful things that happened yesterday, you get yourself straight sitting on your bed. Sana nga, nanaginip ka nalang.

"Totoo ba talaga yun? Niloko ba talaga ako ni Francis?" You asked yourself again. It's the nth time that you asked yourself if that was true. Hindi ka kasi talaga makapaniwala eh.

Salty clear tears are forming in your eyes. Magmula kagabi, di ka pinatulog sa nangyari kahapon at iyak kalang ng iyak.

"PANAGINIP LANG YON!" You growled inside your room. Good thing you're just alone. Matutulog kanalang, hinanakit at sama ng loob pa ang ikinasikip ng dibdib at gabi mo.

Minutes passed and you're still sobbing your tears until someone tapped your shoulder and that tap transformed into a hug.

"Tahan na...It's time for you to love yourself even more" Bulong nito sa iyong tainga.

You turned around to face who's speaking...

It was you, the old you.

Yung masayahing Janine. Yung palangiting Janine. Ikaw yun, yung dating ikaw.

She smiled at you and added another utterance "It's okay, now is the time to redeem yourself. I miss you" then she hug you again.

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