No one's there but only yourself, you are struggling as well as you felt stressed. You are tired. You are doubting yourself. You are exhausted.
You can't help but to wonder, of all people...you! Why you?
Tears. One of the sign that you are tired. You are just crying it all.
Sighs. Another sign that you are frustated to the current things that you are facing.
Blood. There at this once, you tried to end your life because of stress and pressure. Let's add the standards and expectations of the towards you.
Recently, you have problems that raised you into a negative person. Those problems turned bigger problems as time goes by and you can't either find its weak point or identify its solution.
To wrap the things up, you are an anti-social person that is having a hard time interacting to the people around you. At school, you're just a loner. No friends at all but it's okay to you. No friends? No stress. But they keep blabbering about you as their classmates because of your personality.
***
"Hoy weirdo! Wag ka ngang tumabi samin, di ka bagay dito."
"Yuck ang pangit."
"Naliligo kaba? Nagsasalamin kaba? Ang baho mo! Don ka nga!"
"Wag mo nga kaming kausapin you ugly freak!"
"Kawawa walang kaibigan, pero sino ba namang makikipagkaibigan sa ganyang babae yuck, hahaha"
***
Eventhough they're judging you without knowing you and your story it's okay to you. You ignored those uneducated people and tried to get rid to their judgements. You can't help but to clinch your fist as a sign of crossing beyond the line. You wished you were normal like they are, you wish you have the life that you wanted since you was a little girl but it wasn't going well. It is just a wish. No fulfillment at all.
On behalf of your situation in school you wanted to gain high grades but I think fate is not in favor on you. Maybe it affects your performance in class because you were bullied by your classmates and it triggers you to do some things that may fell you out of the crop.
***
"Ms. Carson, mabababa ka halos lahat ng subjects mo. Anong dahilan nito?"
"I'm sorry Carson, di ka makakasama ngayon sa honor holl. Ang bababa ng mga grado mo anak."
"Anong nangyayari saiyo iha? Magaling ka naman dati ah?"
"May problema kaba nak? Bumababa na kasi lalo ang mga grado mo eh"
"Di kana nagiging active sa klase Ms. Carson"
***
Bullied in a way that you know and it gives you the guts to be more anti-social and to not interact with people more. They may see you as a trash but you are a dumpsite to be exact. Wondering how will the world will turn around and agree on you if you couldn't interact with them?
You also got failing grades that was mentioned and you're just thinking blankly. The bullying affects your school performance and in a result, you will not gonna be an achiever and that's surprising. This is the first time that you'll not able to enter the honor roll. You as an anti-social person is also a competitive one and you settled your expectations to the highest because your parents wants that from you.
But unfortunately, this would be an another problem to you. As what you expected, your parents doesn't appreciate you as their daughter and they're so busy to work. Their attention was diverted to their work which leads you to crave attention from others but no one can give you that. They also says:
***
"Madami akong ginagawa, tsaka nalang"
"Umalis ka sa harap ko, nagtatrabaho ako"
"Lagi ka nalang ganyan!"
"Sana di ka nalang namin naging anak!"
"Hindi mo ba nakitang busy ako?"
***
You thinked that you have all the problem in the world and it feels like it is. One time in the lime dark on your bedroom you asked yourself: Am I worthy existing for?
No friends.
Low grades.
Strict and unloving parents.
Now, you're in your room crying and desperately asking yourself 'why me' of all people 'why me'. You just want a life that you wished for yet a desperate and miserable life will conquer you until you finally gave up.
You faced different criticisms from other people and discrimination as well and yet you can't handle the grudge and the pain that stucked on your heart.
You also got failing grades because you were bullied and got the "Indisposed" soul. It affects your academic performances in school.
Your family hated you because you're nothing but a useless daughter that needs to be thrown away. Yeah, it sucks when your parents are degarding you. It is your parents eh, you are expecting that they will help you and teach you how to fight stronger but no, it's not the casual thing. It is the other way around.
Adding this, you as an anti-social person so you couldn't make some friends so you can't tell your problems and burst like a bubble. You and yourself are always the shoulder-crying wall.
But something happened, a miricle exact to be called. You are now letting your tears off to your eyes then in the middle of your crying scene someone whispered to you. An unexpected person whispered to your ears and muttered:
"You can do it! I know you can, you're brave woman. Keep fighting okay?"
No one was there but you can feel God's presence is sitting beside you, smilling and encouraging you to keep going, keep fighting in the waves of life.
A/N: Merry Christmas! I hope you're doing fine and put your smile because it is Christmas! It's the season of being jolly! Again, Happy Holidays!
A/N: Thank you for reading! Don't forget to click the "STAR BUTTON" below. Drop your reactions, comments and even suggestions in the comment box below. Thank you again! Lovelots.
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BLOGS AND CONFESSIONS
Random[ON-GOING] A compilation of blogs with random genres and confessions based on the Author's real life.
