Missing You

Chapter #49

Three days have gone by since Merina terminated our friendship, and to say I'm hurt is putting it lightly. Time ever since has crawled at an agonizing pace, to the point where at night, sleep was merely a pause to a three-day-long Monday as pain and betrayal vacated any strength in me to face a new start with the break of each morning. Through Tuesday and Wednesday, dragging ruins from Monday weighed me down,

Until now.

I look at my somewhat less pasty complexion in the bathroom mirror, inwardly giving myself a pep talk with resolution: I won't think about it; that topic banishes from my life today. I will stop reliving the moment because that kind of torture only ends up with me crying, and it's been more than enough of that.

Today I will make an effort to look more human and less like a wandering ghost. I settle down the wand of my mascara on the sink's pearly countertop and sigh at the memory of yesterday night when Tori cried her sorrow out, Danielle cursed the world down to hell, and Camille remained ominously quiet and stagnant amid the raging storm that was our friend.

"How can you be so forgiving and calm when it comes to this? She betrayed you! In the worst way possible may I add!" Danielle roared in her living room, pacing like a madwoman over the brown carpet, red in the face with anger.

"I don't have it in me anymore to fight her, Danielle. It was her choice." I retorted helplessly at her accusations. She saw my retreating as a weakness and a way of putting myself as a doormat to Merina's feet like I had done countless times before with other people, and it unnerved me. She is a girl ready to take arms when things collapse around her, and I get it, but why would that mean I would do the same?

"I thought you weren't like this anymore! You put up with Cole's shit for far too long to shrink back-"

"I will not apologize for how I chose to navigate through this, Danielle!" I exploded. "Stop underrating me. This is not me being weak, this is me trying not to care. So leave it," I seethed, setting a strained atmosphere that promptly sank to a dark silence. After that, she stormed out of the room, becoming a vase of barely contained rage, exuding hostility within five meters radius.

I deflated, feeling beaten, and sat on the couch beside Tori, putting my arm around her to offer some comfort as she wept in silence for some minutes. Camille inhaled and cautiously delivered her words, careful to avoid making any more violent waves at this point. "We lost her too, you know?"

I reeled back slowly and gazed at her face when I heard her voice brimming with heartache and hopelessness. Had I been too immersed in my pain to notice they had lost her, maybe even way before I did?

"I know that," I answered, softly but with a tinge of defensiveness. "I know it's not just me, but Dani could be a little more understanding. I only want to leave it alone,"

Camille sniffed with poise and nodded accordingly. "I know," she paused, her red eyes betraying her calm exterior. "Though we hoped you would bring her back... and listening to what she did to you... just crumbled any expectations,"

"We don't blame you, B," Tori smiled wistfully.

"Of course not," Camille agreed instantly. "I'm not justifying the way Danielle talked to you, but I guess deep down she still wants you to make her understand what she did, by retaliating or not,"

"Yeah..." Tori nodded along. "Hearing you say you're letting her go is... well, we never thought things would reach that point," Her eyes brimmed with a new batch of unshed tears.

"She expected you to hold on a bit longer, that's all," Camille concluded. "We knew we lost her before you did, but... you had so much faith in her, we hoped you would be right..." Her voice broke through the end of the sentence, tears broke free and rolled down her cheeks only to be swept away seconds later before she continued. "Anyway... you have made a decision, and I believe it's for the best,"