Fall Apart (Romanogers)

19

Natasha~
I knew how today would be but that doesn't mean I was prepared for it. All the flashing lights of cameras and the shouting made me sick. Today we gathered at the avengers tower because the World Wide Dusted Remembrance Day. The news and paparazzi wanted so desperately to see the kids but I refused. Steve wouldn't want their faces everywhere for the villains to find. However, their names somehow get leaked except Sarah. They have yet to figure out me and Steve's relationship and or the fact Sarah is ours. The day was so dreary and cold. It was the ceremony that hurt the most. Seeing Steve's face on the screen. Knowing he was truly gone and I wouldn't  ever see him again. Wanda wasn't looking good either. I knew how to hold back my feelings but I don't blame Wanda for being upset. Her family then him, it's a wonder she hadn't lost herself. I have lost myself, the first week without him. I cried for hours on end and would forget to breathe. Aydah kept me on my feet just like she had back when it was just us. The child who barely had a childhood but could calm me down with her kind words and warm hugs. She was always there, she would sing to me. Our song.. god she sings like an angel. She feels for others just like Steve.. a heart of gold but strong. The girl could calm me down from a panic attack before she was 2. We were happy just the two of us, but we were struggling. We needed him... I needed him. That little over a year we spent together 3 years ago was the best moments of my life. I found my home...I had everything. Both my kids now missed growing up with their father because of me. Poor Sarah Grace hasn't even yet met him. Sarah is more guarded than Aydah. Sarah is more like me, she doesn't trust easily but when she does it's real. Sarah looks just like Steve... her blonde hair.. blue eyes.. his smile. Now his face is only seen in photographs. I look back at the screen as his face changes to Bucky's before I walk out. I walk into the elevator and head up to the lounge where Aydah and Sarah are. I hear Sarah's little laugh as well as Clint's. "No my M&Ms " She laughs. I wipe away the tears on my cheeks and walk around the corner. Sarah sees me immediately. "Mama!" She yells running into my arms. "Hi baby" "mama you crying" she puts her little hands on my cheeks. "Mama okey" she asks. I look into her blue eyes. Her eyes showing the same look Steve would give when he was concerned. "I'm okay" I say hugging her. It is enough to convince her but I look up and can tell Clint knows better. I stand up and he hugs me. "You good" he says. "Yeh I'm ok" Sarah goes back to playing with Finley. I see Aydah open the door to the patio and I rush to her. "Aydah no don't-" It's to late. She sees the screens now with all their faces on it. People crying, the announcer saying they will be missed, Wanda on her knees crying until Tony helps her up. Aydah turns to me in tears. "He's gone isn't he.. he isn't coming home mama is he. Make him come back Mama please.. please." I reach for her but she steps back. "I know I miss him too" Seeing her tears brings on my own. "I need him.. mama I need him.. I miss him" " I know I'm sorry Aydah I failed you and him" I look away and close my eyes trying to clear my tears. I feel arms wrap around my legs. "You didn't fail anyone mama" she whispers. I bend down to her level. "I really am sorry" I say and she hugs me still crying. "Not your fault mama" she says and we both stay like that for a while. It will take a lifetime for us to heal without him but we will manage together.