Turbulence [H.S. || A.U.]

Chapter 20

It's better when it feels wrong
It's better when it feels wrong

After I got home from my trip to the payphone, I took a very long warm shower in attempts to clear my head.

M's right. I need to do my best to stop living my life filled with regret, guilt, and agonizing over the past. That's no way to live. Especially when I know I'm not promised tomorrow.

I deserve be able to smile and dance in the rain.

After my shower, I put one of my Pink Floyd cassettes I acquired at the thrift shop into the boombox I got and just laid on my floor, soaking up the music and letting my mind wander.

I let my mind wander and create a fantasy of what I wish my life would be like.

A life where I have a group of friends, a family maybe, a bed to sleep in every night, taking trips to visit cool places...a life where I am happy.

I fell asleep on my floor against the door, like always. But this time, I fell asleep dreaming instead of falling asleep fearful.

I'm really glad I called M last night, she has always been my rock. She somehow always manages to know just what to say. Maybe it's because she is a major optimist and I tend to be pessimistic as fuck to a fault.

When I woke up, I brushed my teeth and decided to go on a ride to further clear my head. Try and attempt to smile again since dancing in the rain with Harley last night.

Riding my motorcycle will always be something that I know for certain will bring me an overwhelming sense of serenity and joy. The wind blowing against me, the hum of the engine, speeding down the wide open road. It makes me feel free.

After riding around until my gas light came on, I filled up my tank and headed back to my trailer. When I rolled into Westwind and arrived at my trailer, I looked over to my left briefly and saw Harley sitting in a chair out on the little wooden landing outside her front door while she reads a book.

Taking my foot to kick down my kickstand, I turn off the engine and park my bike in its usual spot as I try to act like Harley's presence isn't causing a flutter in my stomach. I then reach up to take off my helmet before running my hand through my hair to try and diminish my helmet hair before looking over to Harley once again.

Ahhhh...fuck it.

I put my helmet on the seat of my motorcycle and shove my keys in one of the pockets of my jeans before walking towards Harley. "Hey there." I speak up, causing her to look up from the book she is reading.

"Hey there, care bear." She smiles back as she closes her book and places it on her lap. "What's up?"

With pursed lips and furrowed brows, I grab my chin with my two forefingers as I look up. "The sky." I say as I look back down to Harley.