Saving You

CHAPTER 11

This will be the last day of October but I don’t seem to be excited of the things that might happen for the next month.
I just don’t really care at all.

I’m just here lying on my bed, letting my blanket to comfort me because no one is here to save me from the pain that I am feeling. My heart is badly aching.

My tears are falling again. My eyes are already swelling and it really hurts but I don’t care.

I bit my pillow trying to suppress any noise that might spill from my mouth even though no one will witness that I am crying this hard.

“I’m sorry Off. I’m so sorry.” That’s what I mumbled under my breath.

After what happened, Off didn’t bother to barge in here in my unit again. I still sometimes checked the door if someone will walk in and shout Gun Lek and mess with my things but there’s no Off Jumpol showing up.

“I’m really sorry.”
Those are just the words that are coming from my mouth again and again.

I hurt Off again. And this time I don’t think he will forgive me again. I just broke his heart. It’s my entire fault.

If I just control my heart those things will not happened.

If just ignore what I feel towards Off, he is still visiting here and playing around my unit like a kid.

If I don’t let this feelings grow, maybe up to this day, we are still friends and nothing more.

If I don’t fall for him, then I will not hurt and broke his heart.

Damn! I let myself fall for him! I fell for Off! Damn it!

I cried hard. I can barely breathe. The pain is eating me up and it’s making me numb.

I feel sorry for Off but at the same time I feel guilty for Tay. I promised him that he’s the only one for me. We promised each other that we will love each other until the very end. Those were his last request for me until he loses his strength and slowly closes his eyes.

I grabbed the picture frame on the table on the right side of the bed. It was a picture of me and Tay during our 12th grade.
The picture was taken when I gave my sweet “Yes” to him. That day was the happiest day for the both of us.

That is the day when we became officially together but I didn’t know that one day we will have to part ways and suffer like this.

“Tay, is that really bad that I fell for someone else?” I slowly caressed Tay’s face that is widely smiling on the frame. 

“Did I already cheat on you Tay? Did I already break my promise to you?” I tried to suppress my sob.

My pillow is so wet now because of my never ending tears.  

“Are you angry to me now?” I’m like a kid trying to ask his mom if his angry after the mess that he made.

I just kept and staring at the picture frame when I noticed a small green sticky note posted on the lower right part of the frame.

“No matter what happen, always remember that I’m always here for you Gun Lek”
                              -Off Tumcial:)

I hold my chest and cried harder. I didn’t know that Off write this note here.
When and how did this happen?  I don’t really have an idea. Off is really something.

“You wrote that you’re always here for me, but where are you now Off? You already leave me.”

And I am the one to blame. I’m the one who pushed you away.