Logophile [Yoonmin]

47.

Yoongi kneeled down on the cold ground. He stared at the dirt under the purple seesaw. On the way home he couldn't stop himself from stopping by the park.

Jungkook had a tutoring session with Taehyung so they couldn't hang out. He wasn't in the mood to do YouTube videos either. Being home was just an overthinking torture.

Since his last accidental upload he hadn't even dared to check his account. It was a constant reminder of the finale talk with Jimin.

Maybe it all happened to help him realize that being in love with Jimin was only hurting him. He wanted nothing more but for them to work.

How can you make something work with only one person trying? This whole time Yoongi was trying to force what was never there.

He reached down and touched the dirt. His warm breath burned the tip of his nose as it left his body.

His hands were numb at the coldness. The temperature had dropped twenty degrees from one day to the next.

It's like the universe knew he was hurting and that he felt so cold inside. It was projecting with the surroundings.

"No gum tree grew there huh?" Jimin asked.

Yoongi gasped looking up. Jimin was right behind him. He didn't wear his usual style. Today he wore a big coat that was buttoned up. His hands were tucked inside the coat.

"I should've picked a better place to plant it. What if it didn't get enough water down there? Or what if the kids that get on the seesaw kept hitting the ground so much the tree grew inside  without poking out?"

Yoongi got up and wiped his dirty knees. He couldn't even speak to him without sounding snappy. So he decided to walk away. Being angry was not a good way to talk.

"Right. That's not scientifically possible." He said following him behind. Yoongi walked faster to avoid seeing his face.

"I didn't see you at school today. Or yesterday. Are you hiding from me?" He wondered. He had drove by his house twice and hadn't had the courage to go knock.

How could he show his face at his house after what he told him? After he basically implied that he was trying to ruin his now nonexistent relationship with Sana.

On the way to his house he got a random thought of the park. He decided to stop by to walk around and distract himself a bit. Clear his head up with the natural air.

When he got to the park and spotted Yoongi's car his heart felt like it was racing out of his chest. Then he got out and saw him kneeling on the ground.

He wasn't going to lie, for a brief second he thought about driving away. The shame of confronting him in person was nerve wrecking. He didn't know how to make it right.

After staring at him for seconds he walked up to him. Not talking about it was not going to make it go away. He had learned that the hard way.

"Hey! Wait!" He added when he was close to his car.

Yoongi turned around aggravated. He was mainly mad at himself for being so weak and looking back.

Now that his eyes were on Jimin his heart hurt. Jimin looked upset and needy. His eyes were wide and the tip of his nose was red from the cold wind.

"Do you think I've forgotten everything that happened over the last month? In our last talk you made it pretty clear. I'm running your life with Sana. You basically implied that that you don't care about me so I'm not going to waste my time."

"Yoongi wait! Can I talk to you? Please?"

"About what? I think we've pretty much established everything. I can't be your friend Jimin. I'm sorry. I wish I could put this aside, but I can't. I can't be your friend because every time I look at you I fall more in love. I can't forget about our kisses and the way you touched me. I can't get the taste of your lips off of mine. So no. If you're here to ask me to write you another letter for Sana or to forget about everything that happened I can't and I won't. I don't want to forget."

"Yoongi I...Sana and I broke up. A lot has happened in these past two days. I'm so sorry I put you through everything. You don't desvene any of this. Just please hear me out one more time. After this talk you don't ever have to talk to me again."

Yoongi tried to push away the fact that Jimin had mentioned his breakup with Sana. He hadn't seen them together and didn't think of it much. Well, in reality he had been avoiding them so that's probably why.

"Okay. What do you have to say?" He asked. Although it was very cold he could feel his underarms build up with sweat. It was making him shiver.

"I'm going to start of by saying that I never meant to hurt you. It's a very vague thing to say. I have no excuse for my behavior. I'm scared, okay? Scared of what I feel for you. I let my fears blind me with selfishness. I understand why you're so hurt. I tried to cover up my feelings for you with Sana and that wasn't okay. I hurt her too. I'm just still very confused about everything. I know what I feel for you, but this is new. It's a new thing for me and I can't explain it."

"I know you're struggling with your sexuality. I've been there myself. I just can't have you in my life whenever you feel like you're not confused. It's really mentally exhausting Jimin. One day you're okay and talk to me. The next you're screaming at me for nothing."

"I don't know what to say. Sorry isn't enough. I'm being very selfish right now. I still want you in my life."

"Why—why do you do this to me?" He asked nearly choking on his tears. "Why are you here right now making me have hope again? I can't do this right now."

"I want you to stay." He said quietly. "Please. Stay."

"Give me a good reason to."

Jimin impulsively leaned over to kiss his lips. Yoongi gasped mid kiss. Damn. He had missed this. His lips were as soft and gentle as he had remembered.

This time Jimin was sober.

This time the alcohol wasn't an excuse.

Yoongi fought the urge to not kiss him back but he melted. He wanted nothing more than to have him this close.

He didn't know what Jimin did to him. Every time he saw him he wanted to spend the rest of his eternity by his side.

When they pulled away they stared into each other's eyes. Both of them were blushing ridiculously noticeable.

"Jimin if you want to be in my life I need you to sort your emotions out first. I've told you I can't handle having you one day and not the next. It's too painful." He whispered.

He nodded sadly, "I understand."

"I can't promise we will end up together. Maybe one day our paths will cross again. Until then Park Jimin. You are and will be the love of my life."

With that being said he finally kept walking. This time Jimin didn't stop him. What right did he have?

But both Jimin and Yoongi had hope. If they met and encountered each other when they did it's because this had a purpose.

There was a purpose behind this. It was providence of the universe.