She Was Like a Bright Light

Vivica

I've never felt this kind of pain before. I've been through many battles. So many broken bones and even birth.

But this pain...it almost feels relieving...

I can feel my body shake, but I can also see Shaun holding onto Hazel as they run behind the medics. They both have tears in their eyes. I reach out to comfort them. I want to hold them and wipe their tears away, but it's as if something holds my body down.

By the time I see my baby girl one last time, my eyes stay on a large light above me. There's this emptiness in my abdomen that brings back that sharp pain.

But then it leaves and the place turns dark.

This darkness slowly turns into an echoey room. I can hear my footsteps. No. Someone else. I know that weight is not letting me move. I can clearly feel the hairs of my back stand and goosebumps starting at my arms.

Where the hell am I?

"Mommy!"

I'm in a large room since this tiny voice echoes all around me. My heart starts to pound as I command my body to move. I hear Hazel scream and the next thing I know, a cold substance slowly climbs up my body. It's the only thing that has a glow in this dark room as I see it's dark ice run up my body.

I can hear myself pant. I try to find any escape but that black ice stabs my abdomen.

Help me!

I feel my body shudder and I'm awaken. Before that unsettling chill come over me in this bright room, my hand recognizes Shaun's warmth. His voice sounds far away as he says, "Hey. You're safe now, baby. It was just a dream."

I groan when the bright lights burn through my brain. I close my eyes and furrow my brows as that excruciating pain slowly starts to come back to my stomach. I groan even though Shaun's warm hand sweetly tries to comfort me as he runs his fingers through my hair.

Soon, another set of footsteps comes in and says, "Hello, Vivica. How are you feeling? Can you hear me?"

"Honey?" Shaun's voice brings me back and I slowly blink to clear my vision. The first thing I see is his smile. My heart suddenly stops and that pain turns smaller as I squeeze back his hand.

It feels like I'm back when I first met him. He always radiated that peace I could not find anywhere else.

"Mrs. Ashmore?"

I turn my attention to the doctor in front of me. There's a part of me that still chuckles when someone calls me Mrs. Ashmore, but it hurts to  even think as he says, "How are we feeling?" I watch him take a stool and take a gentle seat next to me.

I let out a breath slowly and say, "My stomach hurts."

"It will hurt for a bit from now on. You just have to take it easy, ma'am."

I groan. "I don't know what hurts more. The fact that you just called me ma'am or my stomach."

Shaun and the doctor do a small laugh that creates a small smile on my face. Shaun leans over to give my head a kiss and whispers in my ear, "I'm glad my best friend is back."

I furrow my brows at this. "Back?" I look at the doctor and he does a small sigh. There isn't a smile on his face anymore as he finds the right words to say what's wrong with me.

"You had a hemorrhage from the hematoma within your abdomen."

"What is that?"

"It's like a bubble of blood inside your belly," Shaun says now. "They usually go away on their own after some time of recovery but yours popped."

"So like a blister?" I say.

"More like a bruise," the doctor says. "This is clearly from the traumatic experience you had with the kidnap."

His eyes turn soft as he leans closer to me with sympathy. He carefully says, "You died on the surgery table, Mrs. Ashmore. I recommend you take an extensive recovery. This hemorrhage was not supposed to happen, but it happens to patients that do not comply with the necessary regulations for an absolute recovery."

I let out an exhausted sigh as my heart shrinks. I can tell where this is going. I can see the whole conversation Shaun will have with me once the doctor is gone.

I hold back angry tears as I numbly hear the rest of their conversation, but I stay silent until the doctor walks out with one last sympathetic look.

"You nearly died today, Mrs. Ashmore. I'm sure your family will be very happy to see you awake."

The echo of his shiny shoes makes my lips quiver as I look back at Shaun. His eyes soften at my sadness as they read my every thought. His warm hand takes my cheek and his lips kiss my forehead.

"You don't know how happy I am to see your beautiful eyes..."

"I..I won't be able to fight?" I can't hold my tears anymore as they quickly fall one after the other.

Shaun's sweet eyes shine brighter than ever as he shakes his head. "I nearly lost you today. Again. I can't let that happen. I won't."

"But what about my mother? She'll come and that will be worse! I can't let Hazel go through that torture again!"

"Worse torture will be if Hazel lost her mother." This makes my heart as Shaun looks down at his hands. He holds back tears as he sadly says, "I can't do it alone. I need you. I don't know what I'd do without you..."

My heart melts and I listen. I finally listen after these past few months. I let my heart listen to his pain, to his fear, to his determination as he takes a deep breath and gives me his soft smile.

And just like, he is like a bright light as I fall in love all over again. I give his hand a soft squeeze and his heart connects with mine as we let our lips wipe our tears away. I sniffle and leave my forehead on his. His eyes are closed but I look at his beautiful features. At the man who was first my beat friend. Then he become my lover. The father of my daughter. My husband.

My whole future.

My lips quiver at this love that overwhelms me at his touch. My heart shivers with such sentiment. I hold him closer. I let my muscles hold on tighter. They come back to life and I smile for the breath going through my lungs.

"I love you."

Shaun kisses my temple and continues to wrap his arms around me. "I love you, Viv. I love you. I love you. You can't imagine how much I love you. How much I love Hazel. I only want to see you two smile. I only want—"

"You." I hold his cheek and give him the small smile I gave him that night we met in the forest. Determination sets within my beating heart as sit back. "We're going to bring my mother. I may not be part of the battle, but I believe in our facility. In our friends. I believe in you. In us. No matter where we are, together, we can at least have the peace Hazel deserves."

Shaun's eyes shine just like that night under the moonlight when I saw him for the first time. He gives my knuckles sweet kisses and my heart continues to beat with his warmth.

The beautiful silence between us is interrupted when his phone softly vibrates. Shaun takes it out and smiles.

"It's your sister. They must be worried."

"Is Hazel with them?" Shaun nods as he starts to dial Indina's number. "What day is it?"

"Christmas morning."

My heart shrinks at this. "Oh. I promised Hazel chocolate pancakes for Christmas..."

"Well she doesn't seem so sad about it. Look."

Shaun shows me his phone and there is a video Anna sent him. She tells Hazel to say hello to the camera but she ignores her with a huge strawberry ice cream cone in hand. My tears once again start to water my eyes as my arms longs to hold her. To kiss those soft cheeks of hers. To smile down at her shining eyes.

As Shaun and I watch our baby girl together, I realize the best gift I've received this morning that not even my mother can try to take from me.

It's being alive.