now or never - charlie gillespie

chapter forty nine

I watched him drive off, frozen in my place.

I had to go after him right?

I had to explain to him that nothing was going on between Owen and I. I had to tell him that what he heard was a misunderstanding.

But he wanted space from me...

If he wanted to move on then maybe I should just let him.

But was space from him what I really wanted?

"Ugh!" I screamed at myself as fresh tears streamed down my face. I took a seat on the sidewalk, trying to figure out what to do.

Why didn't I just stop him?

"Want some company?" I heard someone say from behind me, snapping me out of my thoughts. I turned my head around to find Owen standing over me. I gave him a weak smile and nodded my head.

He took a seat next to me.

"How's the nose?" I asked and he tilted his head up to show me it had stopped bleeding. I glanced down at his shirt. It was all stained from the blood.

"Where's Charlie?" He asked, looking around. I shrugged my shoulders trying to hold back more tears.

"He left," I sniffled looking up at Owen. "He said he wanted some space from me, so he would be alright with the two of us."

"Oh," he murmured, looking down at his feet. "I really messed up big time, huh?" He asked looking down at me.

I turned to face him, smiled weakly and shook my head.

"Actually, I think I'm the one who messed up pretty bad."

"What do you mean?" he asked.

"I mean this is all my fault, you know?"

"No, Lake. It's mine. I never told you this, but Charlie asked me once about how I felt about you. I knew for a fact that I didn't want to get in between my best friend and his girl you know? But with time... I just can't seem to get you off my mind. I promised myself I wouldn't act on it, I'd push it to the side until you two figured it out, but I was selfish. I'm sorry," he said, looking at the ground.

I looked up at him in shock.

"You shouldn't apologize. You're only human. It's okay, Owen. We can't help who we have feelings for," I said. "I think the only selfish person in this situation is me," I whispered, not wanting to believe my own words.

"Huh?" he said, lifting his head to look at me.

"Yeah. I mean, I didn't want to lose either of you, and I tried so hard to distract myself from acknowledging my feelings so I would still have you both in my life and-"

"But Lake, you're never getting rid of us. No matter what, I thought you would've known that by know," he said bumping his shoulder with mine.

"But what if-"

"No. Never. I mean it," he said strictly. 

I had to talk to Owen about what just happened. I took a deep breath.

"Owen?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you think we should maybe talk about everything?" I asked. I saw his eyes go wide for a split second, like he was scared of what was to come, before he slowly nodded his head.

"Yeah, we probably should do that huh?"

I nodded my head, trying to figure out where to start. "Listen... um I just- I don't-" I stuttered, but he cut me off.