childish | junshua

31 || don't listen and pretend to not know

joshua left without a word, not even muttering a goodbye as jun escorted him to the front door of the wen household. the silence between them allowed for the purple haired male to wallow in his guilt; he hadn't meant to lash out at joshua like that, he was just so angry and he needed to let it out somehow. that was no excuse though for submitting joshua to endure all his pent-up anger and frustration, anger and frustration that was reserved for the older woman who had watched jun walk the brunette to their front door.

"so how did it go? did you get a lot done for the project?" jun's mother asked as she approached her son. she knew he was upset, judging by the face he had given her when he had caught her talking to joshua about his childhood experiences, but it seemed as if she judged him too lightly. the upbeat tone she used when questioning her son only worked to progress his anger and if he had let it all rip on joshua, there really was no doubt that he would express everything he was feeling in the moment towards the source of his frustration.

"it went horribly. I yelled at him and then he pretended like he needed to leave early." jun glared as he looked down towards his mom, he was taller than her after all. she seemed to be puzzled by his strong facial expressions at first, but when his attitude was directed at her she knew what all his fury was about seeing as it wasn't the first time they had argued about this subject. "why did you tell him I'm sick?"

"because you are and I thought you would have told him about your disease already. you can't just lie to everyone and yourself about how bad your heart is." jun scoffed at his mother's justification of her actions. she knew very well it was his business who he told or didn't tell and yet she always felt the need to insert herself into that matter. it was how mingyu had ended up finding out; he came over for dinner with wonwoo once and after his mother had rambled on (along with an explanation from the ravenette) mingyu had learned all there was to learn about hypertrophy cardiomyopathy and how it affected jun. "it's not that bad and what was I supposed to do? introduce myself to him by saying hey my name's jun, oh did you know I have a potentially fatal heart disease? what about you?"

"you're overreacting junnie." again jun scoffed. that was another one of his mother's classic lines. this time though he didn't feel like backing down and letting her win the argument like he'd done ever other time they argued about this topic. jun was tired of having to pretend like he was okay with how his mother blew up the idea of his disease in his face all the time. "you're overreacting! I am fine and I always have been no thanks to you for locking me up at home all the time."

"I was only trying to look out for you. that's why you should tell people junnie, it's important to manage your disease and have people around you look out for symptoms so it doesn't get worse when you least expect it to." the older woman went on and on about his symptoms and how they could get worse if he didn't take care of himself. all jun would hear was the nagging voice in his head and all he could feel was the overwhelming feeling that led him to impulsively yell at his mother in the same way he yelled at joshua.

"I like him mom and you don't tell the person you like about your heart disease because then that's all they'll see! that's all you ever see!" the older woman could visibly see the frustration on her son's face as he continued to let everything boiling inside of him out in words in a quick act of fury. as hard as she tried, she could never really understand what jun had on his mind since he hid it his true thoughts with smiles and laughter. in this moment though it felt like a small part of the band-aid was coming off, she could finally see his real emotions. "sometimes it feels like you're more of a doctor than my actual mom. is it so bad to for once have someone not know about all my flaws? I just want someone to look at me as me, not a list of symptoms they need to watch out for."

spying on them from afar were jia and jackson. jun's younger brother didn't really understand what was going on given his age and lack of knowledge on jun's heart disease, but the purple haired male's words hit jia hard. it made even her feel guilty for not trusting her brother with managing himself so imagine how his mother must have felt as he stared her down with tears in his eyes. both siblings fled the scene, going upstairs so that jun and their mother could work things out without interruptions. the older woman blinked, realizing how unfair it was of her to treat jun the way she had been treating him all of his life since his diagnosis.

"I'm sorry, I didn't know you felt this way jun." her voice quivered at the end of the sentence as she pulled her eldest son into a warm hug. it felt real, exactly like how jun wanted it to feel. his mother was always protective and often did disregard his protests as him just being a rebellious and irresponsible teenager who didn't understand his disease. her apology wouldn't fix all his wounds yet, but it was crucial in that she was beginning to understand why he did what he did most of the time. "it's okay mom, I'm sorry too."

"if it makes you feel any better, I didn't mention anything about your heart." jun's mother offered him a small smile, asking him for forgiveness with her eyes as they pulled apart from their hug. he softened, feeling guilty for getting angry at his mother, but that small fact didn't really make him feel any better. he still felt vulnerable, as if he had just ripped his pants in front of a large crowd of people. the feeling of exposure still lingered about, it was hard to get out of the mindset of feeling attacked especially since it was his mother that had poked a hole in the bubble that was his relationship with joshua. "and there's no reason at all as to why joshua wouldn't like you, especially because of how amazing of a son you are."

"I guess that does make me feel better, but if it's alright with you mom I think I want to be alone for a bit." jun returned her small smile with one of his own, even if it did hurt to bring the corners of his mouth up from the resting frown on his face. "I would prefer us to talk more, but I don't want to force you junnie. you can go, but don't forget to come back downstairs for dinner and to take-"

"to take my pills, yeah I know mom." jun spoke in an annoyed tone, as if it were obvious he knew to do that because it was obvious. as he made his way back to his bedroom, jun couldn't help but feel as if he hadn't broken through to his mother at all. his heart stung with pain as he laid in bed and let all the guilt of yelling at joshua mix in with the future guilt he would have when he decided to skip out of taking his medication yet again that evening.

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hmmm 🤔