The Love I Lost

Chapter 27: What Hurts The Most

I locked myself in my room long enough for Greta and Lily to get desperate enough and climb in through the window. They asked me what was wrong constantly, and was it because Tanya Heurer, the girl we'd found dead. I told them it was and it wasn't and, apparently, that wasn't a good enough answer for them. They asked why wasn't Damon coming around one time and when I didn't say anything, they pressed for more.

"We broke up," I said, hiding my face in the pillow.

"What?" Lily gasped. "Why?"

It was almost two weeks since they knew and already I could tell it was going to be a horrid year. My dad had let me skip school every now and then because he thought I was tormented by Tanya's death---which was true, except that I wasn't tormented by her being dead but more of who killed her. Even when I went to school, I skipped lunch so I wouldn't have to face everyone's pestering questions of where Damon was---he wasn't going to school anymore---and left for home right after P.E. My dad agreed to this, except for the part where I wasn't eating.

I sighed. "I don't wanna talk about it..."

Greta snatched the pillow from under me. "You sure as hell will!" she scolded. "It's been a week and a half since the incident and Damon just happens to break up with you after you have sex with him?"

Well, that had been the argument, I wanted to say. What I said was, "I broke up with him."

"Well, Angel May, then why're you holed up here all depressed like?" Lily pointed out.

I almost glared at Lily. Ever since being assigned to read 'To Kill A Mockingbird' in school, Lily had barrowed a lot of the characters' one-liners; mainly Jem's name for Scout when she didn't want to spy on Boo Radley. Yeah, I was enjoying the book---I was at the part right after Tom Robinson gave his testimony---but it was really annoying when you heard someone copying something you'd read previously.

"What she means to say is," Greta said. "if you broke up with him, why are you so upset? And, well, let's face it, heartbroken."

"I'm not heartbroken!" I shouted.

"Fine, then," Lily said. "build a bridge and get over it."

I stared at her. "That's gotta be the cheesiest line ever."

She shrugged.

"We're bad friends," Greta said sympathetically. "We'll be over later with movies and ice cream so you can wallow."

"What the hell is 'wallow'?"

"It's what girls do when they break up," Lily clarified.

Even though I tried to protest, Greta and Lily were gone and came back with stuff for cookie dough---they insisted we make it---,chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream, mint Musketeers, a bunch of other sweets, and movies. I felt sick just looking at all the junk.

"I don't feel like eating..." I said. In fact, I felt sick to my stomach.

"Don't be silly!" Lily protested.

I helped make the cookie dough mechanically and then we watched 'Notting Hill' an old-ish movie with Hugh Grant and Julie Roberts. Lily was crying at the end. She always did. I suggested no more tear jerking movies and we watched Dirty Dancing. After that was Titanic. Normally I loved that movie, but I had no patience for the quick romance---can't live without you, Jack!---between Leonardo and Kate.

"Can we watch a non-dramatic movie?" I whined.

"Like what?"

I sifted though the stack of DVDs and pulled out Disturbia. "I wanna see some people get mauled."

"It never shows anyone getting mauled..."

I shrugged. "Oh, well." I popped the DVD in.

With all the sugar I had consumed, I was out in the middle of the movie.

"Liz....?" someone was shaking me lightly, talking to me in a sing-songy voice.

I groaned. "Ugh, what...?"

"Um...you're cell's ringing..." Lily said, flaunting the cell in my face.

Still half asleep, I answered it. "Hewrow?"

"Whoa, wud up, Scooby Doo! Hey, if you don't mind can I speak to Liz, please?"

I checked my wristwatch. "Ashley, it's one in the morning. What the hell do want?"

"Pick out some songs. We have a gig in two days," Ashley said.

"Well, that's just great. Anything else?"

"Yeah, be at Abby's garage in an hour."

"Ashley!"

"Bye!"

I glared at the phone and shook it menacingly before tossing it on he floor. "Damnit!" I whined, rubbing my face with my hands.

"What's going on?" Greta asked, coming in from the kitchen with a cup of coffee.

"That asshole wants me to pick a song list and be at the garage in an hour!"

"Ooh, we could pick out some really good breakup songs!" Lily squealed. I had a notion---call it absolutely ridiculous---that you weren't supposed to be excited by picking out breakup songs? Is that just me or is it...No, no, wait a minute....Yeah, I'm pretty sure it's just Lily.

I rolled my eyes, locking myself in my room with my laptop. By the time almost an hour went by, I had picked out five songs. That had to be enough. I didn't even bother changing out of my sweats or long sleeved shirt. I threw on a coat, black Uggs, a scarf, and a black knitted hat.

"I'll be back soon," I grumbled to Greta and Lily, shooting them down when they begged to go with me. I needed the quiet drive there.

Only Ashley and Benjamin were there, Benjamin was practically asleep on the drums.

"Where's Abby and Ethan?" I asked. I had stopped by McDonalds to get a coffee so I wouldn't bite everyone's head off.

"Couldn't make it," Ashley said.

"Is that coffee?" Benjamin asked, like a cat smelling food it hadn't eaten in days.

"Yeah," I gave the rest to him. I handed Ashley the list of songs.

"I can't read this," she laughed.

"I was writing the list while looking at the screen, sorry," I said. "All I Wanted by Paramore, Black Hole Sun by Soundgarden, The Real Thing by Bo Bice, Sally's Song by Amy Lee, and Black Velvet by Alannah Myles."

Ashley was grinning. "Cool. I like the older songs."

I couldn't tell if she was being sarcastic or not. But it sounded like she was truly impressed, so I just went along with it. It was difficult without a bassist, but we did it and decided it was a wrap.

"What's with the depressing, breakup songs?" Benjamin yawned, following me outside.

I stayed silent, waiting for him to figure it out. I was starting the car when I heard him shout, "Oh my God, you and Damon broke up!"

I was halfway to my house when I pulled the car to the side of the road because my vision was so blurred with tears. I knew I did the right thing, I couldn't have a fucking vampire for a boyfriend for crying out loud!

So why does it hurt so much?