Beloved chaos

X| Fear it will be

|Vera Maklakova|

"You don't have to sleep here," I whispered with my head resting on his chest.

"I want to," with his right hand he was tickling my arm and with his left one he was combing my hair. "We don't have to sleep if you don't want to, we can just talk."

"About the kiss?" A smile curved my lips. "Well, I truly enjoyed it...it's the first time in a couple of months that a kiss makes me feel something other than just grayness."

"Grayness?"

I turned over to lay on my stomach as my chin rested on his left pec "I adapt easily, Diavolo. Getting used to having Dimitri beside me wasn't hard...it was too easy because he is like my father. The only reason why I'm the heiress is because my little brother died and my mother tied her tubes after it. Dad still has those stupid backward thoughts so being with Dimitri was easy because I knew how to handle his type."

"Is that why you're with him? Easy handling?" The man looked down at me.

My left hand moved up to trace his lips with my thumb "I suppose so. Nothing was going to change for me so I didn't consider it much. Up until this, I truly thought he loved me more than money and power."

"Doesn't his family have money?"

"His family's fortune is a raceme of grapes, mine is the whole vineyard plus the country house," I told, making him chuckle.

His left set of knuckles caressed my cheek "So our kiss was a splash of colors to you?"

My head confirmed his accusations "It was like seeing color for the first time. It was stunning and unforgettable. For me at least. You don't have to feel the same."

A deep sigh left his mouth "I haven't allowed myself to feel anything since Davina died," it seemed as he was holding back something.

"Diavolo, we are not married," I sat on my heels. "You can tell me the truth and it won't hurt me," that's a lie but at least it will get the truth out of him.

The man sat up and rubbed his face, seemed confused "The kiss felt amazing but I don't know if I can commit to more than that. Not even sex."

His words felt like a dagger to my stomach because I want to kiss him again "That's fine, Diavolo, I wasn't expecting anything else...I know where you stand emotionally and it's not my intention to force you out of it. I'm going to brush my teeth, you can stay here if you want but don't feel obliged to," I hopped off the bed and entered the bathroom without an answer.

In the middle of brushing my teeth, the door of my bedroom opening was audible which means he left which is fine, at least in a shallow level. I would've loved to kiss him for longer to feel his hands holding me possessively. Those were five minutes of pure bliss, five minutes of everything I imagined the last few weeks, five minutes of everything I prayed to go away...

After finishing with my teeth, I washed my face to clear my mind but it didn't work. Before exiting the bathroom, I turned off the lights—

Diavolo was getting under the sheets and the pillow on that side of the bed wasn't a match for the one on my side. His sheets are crisp white and mine are white as well but with embellished chevron in a denim blue hue.