Beloved chaos

XXVIII| Slippery

|Diavolo DeLuca|

I've been sitting outside the operation room for hours, looking at my blood-stained hands and trying to digest the idea of losing Vera. It feels as something my body will not physically be able to go through. When the thought starts creeping in, all my body does is paralyze. I've become deeply attached to her, even more so when our sexual relationship started. Sharing my bed with her, in a room where I have Davina's pictures and some of her clothes are in my closet, it's not something I took lightly because up until a couple of days ago, the only ones who had slept there with me were my dogs. Vera has reached a part inside of me that I thought was missing, a part of me that I believed Davina had taken with her to the grave – that part being my ability to feel this aching and burning feeling for somebody else again.

"Diavolo," Emilia squatted down in front of me "I got them to give me the suite earlier so you can shower — I mean, it wasn't that hard, I just dropped your name," she softly chuckled – she's trying to make me laugh, and though I appreciate it, I just don't feel emotionally available at the moment to joke. "Come on."

"We still don't know if she's going to make it," I sniffled, wiping my tears away. "She could die right now, she could die on that cold table and it would all be my fault—"

"Stop that," Emilia sternly spoke. "Vera is the one on the table, not you, so stop feeling sorry for yourself; as much as I love you, I cannot take it any longer — I'm not forcing you to get over things, but stop treating yourself like a victim because you aren't one!" Emilia scolded.

She's not wrong; I am no victim, but that doesn't make my feelings any less valid or true "Now I see why my sister hired you," I weakly smiled. "What number is the suite?"

"Room 403," she replied. "I asked somebody to bring you a fresh change of clothes and also some of Vera's stuff for when she gets out," Emilia stood up "because she will," Emilia offered me her hand "come on now, I won't ask again."

A deep sigh left my mouth before I reached for her hand, which she quickly removed "Hey, what about helping me?"

"You have blood on your hands and I already scrubbed my hands for a million seconds—"

I leaned forward to reach for her hand "It's dry, help me," and she didn't deny it this time around.

"Well you already did it," she groaned, letting go of my hand. "You know, I actually hated working at that grocery shop; at first it was full-time but then your sister bribed the manager and allowed me to only come on Mondays when we knew you were coming. The pay there is horrendous and they should be sued for it."

My right eyebrow arched as I looked at her "So is your family even your family? Did I buy a winery for nothing?"

Emilia chuckled "No, they're actually my parents and they don't know what I actually do, but even if they did, they're too proud to let me help them financially so I don't, therefore you did not buy it for nothing. It actually been really helpful for my family, even healing. You know, my parents caused a strain in their relationship once they were demoted but now things are slowly getting better. Thank you Diavolo; I will never be able to thank you enough for that."

I smiled "Well, I'm glad. So what did my sister tell you when she hired you?" I inquired – it's inevitable not to be curious about what my sister thinks of me and what I need.