Congratulations: You've Unlocked Kugui's Interlude!

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[Congratulations: You've Unlocked Kugui's Interlude!]

Warning: Some things may be triggering to others so please go with caution!

"Carolyn— don't look at that!" My mother dragged me away harshly, covering my eyes with her hand.

"Why?" Little me questioned, tilting my head. Pushing her away, I peered at what I saw. In front of us were two grown women laughing together, holding hands as they then shared a kiss. What was wrong with that?

My mother let out an annoyed huff. "Those two— being despicable." Crouching down, my footing stumbled when she poked my chest with a stern look. "Remember honey— never be like those... people."

"Why?" I was too naive to push my question further.

"Don't talk back to me!" I flinched at the harsh tone she gave me. Signing, she stroked the top of my head with a small smile. "Just do as I please and you'll be safe."

"...Yes, mother."

.-

"Hey, hey! Carolyn, are you going to join our club?"

Despite my thoughts, I reassured them with a smile. "Of course! If... if that's what you want." My hands hid away my stuff from my desk. I noticed how they never bothered to look at what it was.

"Nice!" They smiled, they always did whenever I did something right. That made me happy. "Oh, I've always wondered, what did you want to be when you grew up?" The person asked, never looking directly at me.

My breath hitched. They... wondered about me? I averted my gaze, feeling sheepish as I pursued my lips. "Ah... well, I don't know." I settled for that. I knew it wasn't an actual answer, yet I already knew that was enough for them.

True to my thoughts, the person in front of me didn't push further, not like they wanted to know in the first place, and turned away. "That's ok, I know you won't disappoint anyone with your decision!"

"I... I see." I pushed down the lump in my throat. Is that true? How can you be so certain? I held the urge to ask them.

Raising a hand, they waved at me, stepping away. "Well, I'll see you later!"

With a strained smile, it was an automatic response to do the same.

I never told them I wasn't interested in their club.

I never told them I already knew what I wanted to be.

I never told them anything.

And yet... I wanted to reach out.

-.-- --- ..- -. --.

Growing up, I never, no matter how I tried, was able to make a bond with anyone. I never knew why— did they hate me? Was there something in me that they didn't like?

So, I changed.

Whatever they liked, I liked. Whatever they disliked, I disliked. Whatever talent they enjoyed, I enjoyed as well. I had to change for them to care about me. I had to show them that I was good enough to love.

Yet it wasn't enough. I still felt alone-- no, I was still alone. They didn't like me for me, I knew deep inside. Yet, I couldn't stop-- I didn't care at that point. I—

No, that wasn't right. I did care.

I was just too much of a coward to do anything about it.

And so, every night, before I went to bed, I would pray. Pray for that one day— that one day I would finally have the courage.

--. .. .-. .-..

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