Random Things I Write (mostly mcyt)

Wives (Paralyzed)

"Have you guys ever thought about a wife or anything?" George asked out of boredom to the rest of the crew.

"Well I mean seven of us are already in a relationship," SapNap stated.

"Yeah but only one of them is human-ish," George said, looking at Dream and Pary with their hands clasped on the side.

"I'm happy that wives are not in this world," Paralysis said, glad that Dream was his husband. "They were a great invention by my kind but they just..."

He looked at the ground, thinking.

"Wives are like grass," Paralysis said randomly.

"Why?" Dream asked. "Why is that?"

"You- well- they just- they grow and they grow and they grow and sometimes, you just gotta cut 'em down," Paralysis answered.

"And sometimes they burst," Dream added.

"I- what?!" George asked, spitting out his water. "The fu-?!"

"Sometimes you must remove them from your world," Paralysis said.

"Yeah," Dream agreed.

"Sometimes, a wife overstays their welcome, George," Pary told him.

"It's true, it's true," Dream said. "But don't use violence!"

"Don't use violence," Pary continued. "Just cut them down. Just cut them down. With a lawn mower."

"A what?" SapNap asked, the others looking at Pary in confusion.

"Just chop," Dream stated. "Just chop."

"What is wrong with you two?" Tubbo asked, concerned.

"I think if I had a wife, I'd say to her, 'you're not real, go away,' Pary said. " And if she did not go away, that's when I get the lawn mower."

"What is a lawn mower...?" A6d tried asking, just getting shrugs from everybody.

"I'd say, 'Wife- wife, lie down, wife. It's good for- it's good for you," Dream said, motioning down with his free hand.

"'Lie down! Lie down and ignore the sound of chopping!'" Pary continued.

"You're literally describing a murder!" Tubbo exclaimed.

"It's ju- It's just simply not real. Murder is uh... Murder is by the media. Like Santa Claus! Like Santa Claus," Dream told Tubbo.

"Who is Santa Claus!?" Tubbo yelled in confusion.

"And then I'd say, 'bye bye!'" Pary said, ignoring Tubbo.

"Bye bye!" Dream told them.

"Bye bye!" Pary said again.

"Nice seeing you!" Dream smiled. "See you Tuesday! And then I would skip Tuesdays from now on."

None of them said it, but they all thought a big 'wTf??' as Dream and Pary stood up and walked away like nothing had just happened.

"What just...?" Skeppy tried asking, getting a bunch of 'i don't know's from everyone else.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Pary and Dream returned from their short walk after the whole 'wife' incident, not seeming any better.

"Who needs Tuesdays?" Pary asked Dream.

"Who needs Tuesday?" Dream repeated.

"I think it should just be Sunday, Monday, SSSSSSS, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday," Pary stated.

"Why don't we just have eleven Saturdays in a row?" Dream questioned. "Forever?"

"That's a good idea," Pary said. "Hey I'll meet you on Saturday!"

"Okay!" Dream agreed. "Which one?"

The rest of the group watched as the two kept it up, wheezing like possessed kettles, and confusing the rest of them.

"I think we should also remove the concept of gravity?" Pary suggested.

"Name all the forces upon you," Dream told him.

"You have friction, you have- you have everything but eh- but- when you get to gravity, it's gone!" Pary answered.

"The bonds that hold your atoms together?" Dream asked.

"SSSSSSSSS I don't know them! All I know is Thursday!" Pary replied.

"Are they high or something?" SapNap asked.

"'Or something' would probably be the answer to that one," Tubbo said.

"Do latchers get high?" George wondered. "Is there some sort of latcher cocaine?"

"No clue, but if so," SapNap told him. "I think those two got a hold of it."

592 words

This. Was one of the funnest things I have ever written. That bit was also one of the funniest things I've ever watched so-

~CardCatCardboard