Now take a whisk and really beat your arthritic grandmother. That's rich, especially coming from the man who was raised by feral monkeys which contracted Hepatitis. They of course had to be put down and now we're using the rats. One NASA Authority said, "Sometimes I cry in the shower." Ha! You're not fooling anyone! All you've ever cared about is your glutes. You feeling a good burn in there? Now we're gonna start working your thighs and rub them down with some olive oil. That's nice. Now we're ready to put this into the oven along with taxpayers' dollars. The president wanted it to be absolutely clear that he has no body hair. Some say yes, some say no, but don't be afraid to let it envelop you in its aroma. Now this recipe is simple. It calls for flour, eggs, and your immortal soul. And we never heard from you! You never called, you never wrote, you never even- learned how to use a special rat toilet. They can navigate complex mazes and most surprisingly, they're gluten free! And if you don't have an electric mixer, you can just use flaming passion. Have you no shame? It absolutely sickens me to think that this is 20 pounds of human fat in a jar. And if you think that you don't have the willpower to do it, don't despair, because very few have died in the process. The details of the program are vital to national security, so naturally, the White House will slap that smug look off your face. Ouch! That stings. I love you. Ever since I heard you sing, your voice was like: -*blender sounds*- Isn't that soothing? It makes me want to question my will to live. All you can do with give your spandex a little snap. Pretty soon you're gonna have a body as solid as this nation's economy. In conclusion, we'd like to thank you all for coming to this press conference and we hope that you burn for your sins. Don't you see? All I ever wanted was the flexibility of a Russian gymnast. Just remember: there's nothing more attractive to the ladies than a chocolate sculpture of Winston Churchill covered in dirty money. But it's over now. I'm never coming back. You can forward my mail to the cold heart of space. Thank you and see you in skinny town. Population: you.
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If you know what this is from, you will get all of my cookies.
-CardCatCardboard
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Random Things I Write (mostly mcyt)
FanfictionI'll post short things I've written here whenever I'm taking awhile to post new chapters to stories. Most of it will be mcyt based, other things will just be short ideas for random things.
