Nothing but Heartbreak

8. Only him

"Hey." I gave him a small smile as I let him into my apartment.

Liam didn't say anything but he did walk in then stood there with his hand stuffed into his pockets.

"Look I don't remember much about what happened that night at the wedding but I'm sorry for whatever I did I was super drunk." I rushed out.

I didn't even really know why I was apologizing. I remembered bits and pieces. I knew I had been dancing with Harlan and when I turned I saw Liam and he looked mad. I left Harlan there on the dance floor and went over to Liam to talk to him.

—

"You're drunk." Liam frowned at me.

"I'm just having fun." I giggled.

"What is with you? This is not how you act. This is not you."

"This is me, Linus. This is exactly how I am. Maybe I was just never comfortable enough to be myself with you." I snapped.

"It's Liam, not Linus." He crossed his arms over his chest looking even more pissed off.

"Oops." I covered my mouth with my hand keeping myself from laughing.

—

After that one interaction, I couldn't remember much else. I remember him leading me outside and then that was when the shouting happened. But what was being shouted I couldn't quite piece it together.

"We don't have to do this Ava. We both know this isn't going anywhere so we don't have to go through it all again." He just shook his head.

"I just want to know what happened. I got drunk, I said some dumb things but is that really all it takes? I have fun at my best friend's wedding because that's what you're supposed to do and now you're looking at me like you don't even know who I am."

"Fine, we can go through the night all over again. You see Harlan and the second he's there I know. It's like all this time I've been trying to figure out why you keep me at arm's length. Why you never open up to me or let me in. And then there he was and that's the first time I got to see you be yourself and be happy. You left me the second he walked in the room. Maybe you didn't leave physically but you left. And then you started drinking and the more you drank the more you talked. Do you know what you talked about? Him. Only him. All night."

It felt like a slap to the face. Knowing all this. Knowing that I was so obviously so far gone. I hadn't meant for any of that to happen. I had thought Harlan was in the past. I had thought that my feelings were long gone.

"I'm sorry, I didn't want to hurt you. I didn't want this to happen. I thought I had moved on but seeing him, I guess it brought back feelings. If I had known I wouldn't have brought you, I wouldn't have been with you if I knew I had those feelings for someone else." I wanted him to know I wasn't completely heartless.

"It's fine I'm not mad, I'm just hurt. I had feelings for you and I had thought that you had them for me. It just hurts to be wrong."

"I wish it was you, I wish you were right. I want to have feelings like that for you. I really do." I said softly trying to keep myself from crying.

I hated that out of everyone to have feelings for my heart was still stuck on Harlan. I was setting myself up to be hurt. I was torturing myself with heartbreak. Here was a guy that was kind, liked me, and had been there for me many times. On paper he was great and I should like him. But life wasn't that easy.

"I hope you find happiness, you deserve it." Liam stepped closer to me and wrapped his arms around me in a hug.

Once his arms were around me I let myself cry. I cried for the first time since I walked out of Harlan's hotel room. I knew it was such a dumb thing. I had hurt Liam, I had no reason to be here crying in his arms.

It was at these moments I wish I could talk to my best friend. I knew Jade would listen and help me figure it all out. She was always there for me but now she was on her honeymoon with the love of her life. She wasn't here to piece me back together again.

Liam just held me until I stopped crying. He didn't say anything just hugged me. He was really too good of a guy. It was ridiculous how nice he was being.

"Sorry for crying all over your shirt." I laughed lightly looking at the wet spots on his t-shirt.

"You don't need to apologize for that." He said waving me off.

I just nodded not having anything else to say. It was awkward now, what was I supposed to say? Was I supposed to explain why I was crying? I could apologize again because I was feeling like I was saying sorry too many times it was beginning to get repetitive. I wasn't in this position very often.

"Goodbye Ava." He gave me a small smile. "I'm going to give you a quick hug try not to cry this time." He teased.

"No promises." I chuckled accepting his quick hug.

He stepped away and gave me a quick wave before turning and stepping out of my apartment.

My life had seemed to finally fall apart. My best friend had finally gotten everything she wanted and I had lost it all. I hurt the guy I was seeing and I hurt myself by loving a guy that would never love me back.

I was lost and I didn't know how to find my way back to normal.

Getting over Harlan had to be the first step I took. I had to be able to look at him without my heart aching. Maybe then I'd be able to get myself back to normal. One step at a time I'd put my life back together.

A/n:

I spent the other day going through my older stories. I cringe hard whenever I read them now. Part of me wants to just take them down because they are not good but people still read them and enjoy them. Maybe I'm too critical because I guess it's my own work.

Anyways I hope you enjoyed this chapter and if you did don't forget to comment and vote!

-Cora Leigh