Nothing but Heartbreak

15. Don't push me away

When I woke up my eyes were still red from crying the whole night before. I didn't feel any better even after getting more sleep than I had all week. My body wanted to rest to have a break but I ignored it.

I pulled myself out of bed and got ready for my morning run. I needed the outlet, I needed to get away.

I felt like I was on autopilot the whole morning. Every step was the same that I did every other morning this week. My brain was exhausted I didn't have the energy to actually think about what I was doing.

All logic was gone, I was too mentally drained to even bother.

I didn't think about the damage I could be doing to myself as I pushed my way out of my apartment. The only thing that really matter to me the second I got outside was my need to run.

And that's exactly what I did.

I ran.

I put all the energy I had from the little sleep I had gotten into moving my legs. The more I moved the longer I ran for. The more I ran the further I was from my apartment and from that stupid invitation sitting in my bag.

I don't know how long I had even run for. The blood was pumping loudly in my ears and as my breath seemed to be harder and harder to catch I knew I had to slow down. I was wearing myself out. I knew this was the logical thing to do.

I knew it was. But I didn't.

I pushed harder.

My lungs were practically crying as my legs continued to move. My heart felt like it was beating out of my chest.

I needed to stop but I couldn't. I pushed harder even as my body screamed at me not to.

My legs slowly started to shake, I couldn't go anymore. Even with this I didn't slow down. But maybe I should've.

If I wasn't going to stop I guess the world would stop me. I felt my foot roll as it hit a crack in the ground. It all happened so fast. One second I was running and then next I was on the ground.

The second I hit the ground I felt myself start to cry. It didn't even hurt. I had no scratches but as I laid there on the path and could stop the tears from falling down my face.

I was in no condition to get up and run home. I knew I was too far, I wouldn't make it. Someone was going to have to pick me up.

I knew who the logical choice was. My brain screamed at me to call her. She wouldn't hesitate to come help. But it wasn't her I wanted to see.

"Hello?" The person answered my call.

"Hey can you come get me?" I choked out.

"Ava what's going on? Where are you?" I could hear Harlan rustling around rapidly on the other end of the call.

"I went running. I'm at the park on Spring street." I told him.

"I'll be there in five." He answered.

I had to push myself off the ground. I wasn't quite at the park yet but it was a very short walk. I'd definitely be there before Harlan got there.

When I got to the park I sat myself down on the bench.

The exhaustion I had been running from was hitting me at full force. I didn't have the energy to fight the weight of my eye lids as they tried to close. I wouldn't fall asleep here in the park. I had some energy left but I let my eyes close and my mind rest as I waited.

I don't know how long I sat there, my head rested back on the top of the bench my eyes closed as I just listened to myself breathe. It was the most at peace I felt, my brain was tired, I didn't think about the fact that Harlan was coming and I'd have to see him. I didn't think about my father and all the stress and emotions that one letter had thrown into my life. I just sat there in silence.

"Ava?" I felt a hand on my shoulder.

I opened my eyes to see Harlan standing over me looking at me with concern in his eyes. I knew I probably looked rough. My eyes were definitely red and puffy from all the crying I've done in the past 24 hours. I knew I was dirty for my fall and laying out in the dirt for longer than I should've. I knew I was not a pretty sight, I looked like a mess.

"Thanks for coming." I gave him a tired smile.

I didn't move to stand up. I honestly didn't know if my legs would work.

"What happened?" He frowned.

"I just overdid it this morning on my run." I said this time I tried to push myself up.

Harlan seemed to notice my struggle and helped pull me up to my feet. He didn't hesitate to wrap his arm around my waist to help support me and guide me to his car. I didn't think I really needed this much help but it felt nice to be in his arms, to be so close to him.

Harlan helped me into his car and I was happy to accept his help. Well until he tried to buckle my seat belt for me and I swatted his hand away. I was exhausted but I could still do things for myself.

"You really freaked me out. I'm worried about you Ava. You don't have to talk to me about it but I'm here. I'll always be here. I need you to take care of yourself because I know you won't let me take care of you myself." Harlan said softly once he got into the drivers seat.

"Harlan I-," I didn't really know what to say.

"It's ok, you don't need to say anything. I just need you to know you can call me whenever and I'm there. I will always be here for you as long as you let me so please just don't push me away."

I didn't want to look at him. I was screaming at myself to do anything but turn my head towards him. But it felt impossible to not look at him. To see the pleading in his eyes. I felt more broken than I did this morning. He wanted me in his life and I pushed him away more than I liked to admit.

I was scared of him and what he could do to my heart if I actually opened it up to him.

"Let's get you home." He didn't wait for me to say anything to him, he just turned on the car and pulled out of the parking spot.

"I- um- don't want to go home." I fidgeted in my seat.

I felt uncomfortable. There was an unspoken question in that statement. I didn't want to go back to my apartment, I didn't want to separate from him just yet.

"Ok." He just nodded.

I wanted to stay. I wanted to try to not push him away.

A/n:

I hope you all enjoyed this chapter. It was one of my favorites to write. Almost any chapter with Ava and Harlan is fun to write for me just because I love these characters.

-Cora Leigh