Ordinary Girl ; me au

Chapter 23

Warning: Self harm is involved in this chapter. Don't read if you're sensitive to these type of things.

Flashback

Y/n's POV

Y/n:"Sammy, want to hang out today?" 

I press send. Me and Sam have been together for almost a month now. Our relationship is kept a secret from well..everyone. He said to keep our relationship hidden so it could be protected. We've never kissed, we barely even hug. It wasnt something serious & also wasnt something that surprised me. I was used to people not caring about me. Sometimes I felt like he used me, yet sometimes I felt like he actually liked me. I thought someone actually cared. I thought maybe I did mean something to someone. Little did I know, that was complete crap.

My phone lits up, interrupting my thoughts. Sam:"No, I'm busy."  He plainly replies. I wasn't surprised. He never wants to go anywhere, let alone with me.
Y/n:"Okay.. I'll see you at school tomorrow. I love you."

I send. I lied. I don't love him. My feelings towards him might've been strong, I don't know how, but I didn't love him. I don't think I will. Its like he doesn't care about me. I know he doesn't, because he doesn't show it.

I see the screen as it shows that he read my message. I knew he wouldn't answer. He's probably off with some other girl doing who knows what. I didn't care at the moment. I've had thoughts of self-harming myself before, but I never had the guts to do it. Plus I didn't know where I could find a blade. It was impossible for me to break it off a razor. Trust me, I've tried millions of times.

I felt like shit at the moment. I was home alone & had nothing to do on a Sunday. My mom was away at work, which she's always at. Its like that's her home. I go over to my counter to grab my headphones, when something catches my eye. I see a pencil sharpener in the drawer, the shiny metal glinting through the plastic. I finally got it. I grab it & grip on a screwdriver, screwing out the blade inside it. The nail came off & there stumbled a small rectangular blade. I held it with my fragile hands & washed it in the bathroom, making sure it was cleaned. I put it away in a glass box I had filled with my jewelry & hair ties. I decided to keep it put away until I felt I needed it. I also was scared. Would it hurt a lot if I did it? I washed away my thoughts. I grab my phone.

Y/n:"Sam, why do I feel like our relationship isn't even a relationship. It doesn't feel like anything to me..Do you even like me?" I gulp as I press send. Seconds later, he reads it.
Sam: "I'll make you a deal. You send me a picture of your breasts & I'll make us official and public."

I read. I was shocked. Was that really what he wanted? I tensed up. I tried deciding whether if I should or not. It didnt feel right. I knew it wasn't.
Y/n:,"Um, Sammy.."

Sam: "Its fine if you don't want to, I'll just keep on ignoring you. :-)"

That hurt. I really wanted this to work.. I sigh, not thinking about my actions as I open up the camera. I lift my shirt up. I hear the picture capture & I look at the picture. What am I doing?

I put the picture in the message box & bite my lip. I press send. I regret it. I immediately realize what I had just done. He reads it. My body tenses up. He types.
Sam: "Beautiful. I love you baby."