Ordinary Girl ; me au

Chapter 5

Warning: this chapter includes self harming so if your really sensitive to that I suggest you dont read it. And i am not making fun of people who self harm in any way whatsoever. If you need someone, talk to me please.

Y/n's POV

I go upstairs & make my way to my room. I walk in the bathroom & go through my cabinets. "Where is it.." I thought to myself. I kept looking when i finally found it. My blade.

I rested against the wall & slowly slid down. I extended my arm & rolled up my sleeve. I placed the sharp metal against my skin. One cut. I started crying. Not from the pain but from the hatred. Two cuts. "Stupid." I murmured to myself. Three cuts.

"Worthless" I said to myself again. Four cuts. "Ugly." Five cuts. "Waste of space." Five cuts. "Bitch, loner, no life, slut, unwanted." Six cuts. Seven cuts. Eight cuts. Nine cuts. Ten cuts.

Cut after cut, my arm covered in blood. I kept cutting until i had over 20 cuts on my arm. I placed my blade down on the floor. I looked at my arm and watched it bleed. "I deserve this." I thought to myself. "I hate myself." I stood up. I looked in the mirror.

My face was all red & had mascara & eyeliner running down my cheeks. I looked like how ive always looked. Ugly. I turn on the sink & wash my cuts. I cry lowly as the water hits my cuts. It burned like hell. After i cleaned them i dried them with a towel.

I decided to take a hot shower. After a good 30 minutes in the shower, i got out in my towel & dried myself. I went out wearing my robe & put on a loose long sleeve shirt & a pair of sweats. I fixed my hair into a messy bun & went downstairs. I decided to text Matt.

Y/n: "Hey Matt."

I sent the message. After maybe thirty seconds my phone vibrated.

Matt: "Hey beautiful. How are you?"

I blush as i read his message.

Y/n: "Im feeling a lot better. Thank you for today. I really appreciate it."

Matt: "Your welcome y/n. Hey, can i come over? "

Oh no. What if he sees my cuts. I have a long sleeve shirt on so i don't think he will.

Y/n: "Yeah sure Matt come over."

Matt: "YAY. Ill be there in five."

I giggled. Hes such a dork.

I sat there watching T.V when i hear a knock on my door. I get up & open the door.

Matt's POV

I walk over to y/n's house & knock on her door. A couple of seconds pass & she opens the door.

"Hi Matt."

She says with a smile on her face. Her smile is beautiful.

"Hi Y/n."

i say very happy.

"Come in."

I walk in as i notice y/n. She looks perfect when she just throws on some clothe & her hairs all messy.

"Earth to matt."

She says snapping her fingers in my face. I snap out of my thoughts.

"Sorry y/n."

i say chuckling. She giggles. Her laugh gives me life.

"I asked you if you wanted some ice cream."

She said.

"Oh my god yes. I love ice cream."

I exclaimed.

"Same here Matty."

"Matty.." I thought to myself. I smiled at the thought that she gave me a nickname. I sat down on a chair by the kitchen & it was a spinny chair. I started spinning around when she stopped me & said

"Matt choose what ice cream you want."

I could choose between chocolate chip cookie doe, chocolate, or vanilla.

"Hmm... Ill have chocolate chip."

I said.

"Good choice."

She replied. She scooped up the icecream & put it in a plate. She then passed me the plate & we both sat down in the couch. She turned on the t.v & put spongebob. I giggled knowing she liked spongebob. She turned around & chuckled while saying

"What's so funny Espinosa?"

I look at her & she starts laughing hysterically. Im so confused.

"What is it?"

I ask smiling .

"You have an icecream mustache."

She said in between laughter. I chuckle & clean my mouth. I had a lot of icecream around my mouth. She stops laughing & i put my plate down. I go over to her & start tickling her. She starts giggling & laughing unable to stop.

"That's what you get for making fun of my mustache."

"Im sorr-ry"

she said laughing out of breath.

I grab my plate smiling & i put it in the sink. Then i felt something cold on my cheek. I turn around & y/n is laughing. She put icecream on my face.

"Ohhh you're getting it now."

She ran around the kitchen & around the living room with me chasing her. We both kept laughing until i jumped on her & we both fell on the couch , me landing on top of her. She kept laughing n i got the icecream off my cheek & put it in her face. She giggled uncontrollably.

Then there was silence. I looked at her eyes & she looked at mines. I got up from her. I couldnt make a move on her. I dont know what her reaction will be. I met her today. She got up & we both headed to the bathroom upstairs. She was washing her face while i waited next to her. Thats when i notice a blade across the floor by the sink.

A lot of horrible thoughts came on my mind but I didnt want to believe it. Maybe it fell off somewhere.. Y/n finished & i went to wash my face. I went to her room with her & we planned on watching a horror movie. Y/n put in the DVD "The Woman in Black."

We sat down resting our backs against her bed & watched the movie. Were halfway through the movie & a jumpscare went on the screen startling y/n. i grabbed her shoulder & pushed her towards me. She layed down snuggling her head on my neck while her arms are wrapped around my stomach & my arm wrapped around her shoulder. She was so cute when she was scared.

When the movie finished, i noticed y/n fell asleep. I looked at the time . 12:34 a.m. "Shit.." I mumbled to myself. I slowly picked up y/n & layed her on her bed on her side. Thats when i noticed something. Y/n's sleeve went up a bit & i saw some scars. It can't be. My heart slowly started shattering. Y/n cuts..