i did everything i could to get me through the night

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I sit on my bed, leaning back against the head board. My eyes are closed and my head is leaned back.

Slowly I bring the blunt to my lips and suck in the smoke. I let my arm slowly down and let the white cloud of smoke exit my lungs.

I don't remember when it started and I'm not quite sure when it will end. But I know that this is the only thing that gets me through the ache and pain of not having Sammy to hold my hand.

There's this bullshit played in my mind that this will all work out how I want it in the end.

But I don't quite know how I want it to end.

But I'll bless the day when I find out what will happen in the end.

"Goddamn" Tracey says as she enters my room. "You can see the smoke oozing out from under the door, ace. How many have you smoked?"

I don't open my eyes, I just shrug and hold the joint to my lips.

"What is uo with you lately?" She asks "I thought you would be over the Sammy thing by now"

I blow out smoke through my nose and say "I'm over it"

"Are you now?"

"Yeah" I smile "I got a new blind best friend" I nod and pinch the end of the blunt between my thumb and index finger "I call her Mary Jane." I chuckle "she can't see who I am but she knows she is making me feel damn good."

She smiles and shakes her head "you are crazy"

"Born and raised" I agree

She sits down between my legs and takes the blunt from me, taking her own hit off of it. "Oh I think she likes me" she jokes and hands it back to me

I chuckle and nod

"Why don't you just go through the window?" She asks me

I open my eyes "she put a curtain up"

"You think a curtain is going to keep you from talking to her? All you have to do is push it aside"

"Don't you think I have thought about that?" I ask "she locked the fucking window"

"Smart girl"

"Indeed"

"Why are you smoking so much?"

I shrug "its the only thing that gets me through the night these days."

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