The Heart Of Solitude ✔

Chapter 20

Leighton's POV

This week was one for the books. 

It was one of the worse, but one of best weeks I've had in the 4 weeks. I've screamed, I've cried, I've sat silently staring into the abyss but I've also mourned. I've let myself feel whatever I was feeling. It felt like some of the weight I had on my shoulders was finally lifted, allowing me to take a deeper breath. 

My friends have gone throughout the week trying to talk to me, trying to get my attention but I wasn't ready to talk. Not even to Bexley. I knew that there was one of two things they could say to me and only one of those things would hurt, but this week being able to walk freely by myself has felt good. 

I haven't had to deal with the horrible but well appreciated distractions that my friends would try, and I haven't had to worry about the fake smile I plastered on my face when walking around. 

It was honestly freeing. 

But I knew I wouldn't be able to ignore them forever because they were my friends and they deserve for me to listen to whatever they have to say, especially Bexley. 

I sat back in my seat at the back of math class and stated to remember the dream I had with Nova lastnight. 

I sat of the edge of the dock waiting for the arrival of Nova. 

At the usual time, a glimmer lit in the sky causing it to erupt in a bright light. Before I knew it Nova was sitting right next to me in her same old white dress, which caused her red hair to seen even more vibrant.

" So, how was your day today?" She questioned. 

I sighed. " Same as yesterday, draining." She smiled. " and I thought me being a dead was boring."

I winced at her use of being dead as a joke. " Sorry, dark humor." She said. " Have you talked to them yet?" I shook my head. " Not yet."  She sighed. " It's been four days Lei. You were just supposed to explain to them, not ignore them."

" I know, but.." I paused. " But what?" I shrugged. " If your not going to talk to your friends, then talk to Bexley. She's your girlfriend, she loves you." I nodded. " I know." I said quietly.

Nova grabbed my hand. " I'm a ghost, not a mind reader. Tell me what you're thinking." I looked over with small smile. " This week every since my first dream with you, I've let myself scream, cry, and just feel whatever I was feeling just like you said. I distanced myself from my friends, from Bexley and I felt free. It sounds horrible, I know, but I did. And..." 

" And you don't want that feeling to go away." Nova said finishing my sentence. I nodded. She squeezed my hand. " That doesn't make you horrible. It makes you human." 

" How? I feel like it makes me some sort of monster to say that." She chuckled. " It doesn't make you a monster. You want to make yourself happy, and not depend on others. Being on your own is allowing yourself to be in sync with your emotions. It will allow you to make decision that you need to make."  

We sat in silence for a couple of seconds. " Distancing yourself is not you leaving a friendship, or a relationship. If allowing yourself space is what you need, than it's what you need. Just make sure you think it over." Nova said.

I nodded. " I know."

A glimmer of light shot from the sky, and a whistle bellowed from above.

She rose to her feet, bringing me up with her. 

" Same time tomorrow?" I questioned.

She smiled. " Same time tomorrow." She pulled me into her embrace. " I love you Lei." 

" I Love you too." I whispered.

She unraveled her hands from me, disappearing into the sky.

I sat up from 2 am until the time my alarm rang, thinking over and over about everything that I had dreamt about. 

The things Nova said to me. 

Which brought me to a decision, one that was hard but in the end would be worth it. When I rose from this large bump in my life, I wanted it to be on my own terms and not have to be forced to quickly rise to make everyone else happy. Not only that but I wanted to know that it was true happiness, happiness that I summoned, not happiness that people around me forced upon me. 

So after hearing out the things my friends had to say, I would be surprising with a decision on my own. I would be surprising Bexley with a decision that was going to, in no doubt, hurt her. 

But this is what needed to happen, this is what I needed to happen.

The bell rung bringing me out of my day dream. Everyone gathered their things heading towards the lunchroom. 

Allowing everyone to pile into the lunchroom before me, I walked in, ignoring the nervous butterflies. Looking around I spotted my friends and girlfriend sitting at their normal lunch table. I walked over, causing them to all look at me. 

" Hey." I said with a small smile. " Hey." They all said in sync. I looked down at the empty seat. " Mind if I sit?" They all nodded. I sat down in the seat, fiddling with my hands. 

I sighed. " I didn't give you guys a chance to talk, and I'm sorry. But I'm willing to listen as long as you guys are willing to listen to the things I have to say after." I said. 

They all nodded, which I then gave one in return. " I'm sorry." Harlow said first. " I'm sorry for everything I said. I know it wasn't right for me to blow up on you like that but I just miss my friend, and some days I let that get to me. But I now understand what you're going through, and I'll always be here for you whenever you need it. No matter what."

I smiled. " Yeah, we all will. Friendship is about being there for each through the hard times and right now is a hard time for you." Piper piped in. 

I looked around and spotted Bexley's eyes on me. She looked upset, more than upset but she also had a glimmer of happiness in her eyes. 

I gulped down the lump in my throat." I appreciate that, really. I love that I have you guys to count on to be there for me, and I love you guys. But I think for right now, I need to go through this process alone. Completely alone." I said the last part looking at Bexley. Her shoulder's dropped and her eyes saddened at my words. 

" Alone as in..." Zion started. " Alone as in by myself, distanced from you guys." I interrupted. " I know you guys are probably pissed, but I.. I need to do this by myself. I need to know that I can do this by myself." 

Bexley stood out of her seat walking out of the cafeteria. I looked at her until she reached the door, then back at my friends. 

" You gave us a choice to be there for you or not, and now you aren't even giving us this choice?" Harlow questioned. 

I sighed. " You can't understand and neither can I, but I need to be by myself to do this. I don't want to be rushed, I want to travel my own path." I said standing up off of the bench. 

I walked out of the cafeteria to find Bexley standing there with her hands over her face." I'm sorry." I said standing if front of her. She rubbed her hands over her face in frustration.  " You haven't talk to me, to us in 5 days. You haven't answered my calls, my text, and all because you planning on how to break up with me, break away yourself from our friends?" 

I shook my head. " That's not what I was doing. I needed time, I still need time. I love you guys, I love you Bexley, but I feel that this is important for me to do."

She shook her head. " Well you'll have plenty of time now, won't you?" She scoffed walking away. 

I watched as she walked back into the cafeteria. 

I should feel sad. I mean I just watched a person that I love with all my heart walk away with the most hurt I've seen in her eyes, so I should feel sad. 

But all I feel is more pressure lifted from my shoulders. 

XOXO Parisbesties12