Seraphic [Yoonmin]

xlix.

Jimin woke up in a puddle of sweat. His heart was beating out of his chest and it felt like an elephant was on top of him.

The pressure on his throat was asphyxiating him. He felt the sheets next to him and couldn't find Yoongi.
In a way he was glad Yoongi wasn't here. He didn't know if he was vocal when having nightmares and having to explain that to him was not something he was ready for.

He had fallen asleep after the fight. It had not been easy, but eventually he managed to rest. It was better than staying up overthinking.

After catching his breath he laid back down wiping the sweat off him. He placed his hand against his heart repeating the words in his mind.

"You're okay. You're safe. It was a nightmare."

That always seemed to comfort him. He was getting better at controlling the terror produced by his awful guilty dreams.

After taking deep breaths he looked leaned over to look at the clock on Yoongi's side of the bed. It was eleven fifty four pm. In Jimin's mind it was already morning. That nightmare felt endless.

When he heard the doorknob move he quickly turned to his side again and closed his eyes. Yoongi dropped the room key and laid down.

He wasn't able to sleep after the fight with Jimin. So he decided to walk around the hotel. It was close to midnight now. He reached over to touch Jimin, but quickly pulled back.

•••

Jimin's eyes opened up once again. This time he woke up to the sound of Yoongi's voice. He fought the urge to turn around.

"Hey. Thanks for coming. I know I wasn't the nicest to you yesterday."

"Hello. It's not problem. Is your lover still asleep?"

Yuta. It was him for sure. Why would Yoongi invite him over? He couldn't really tell if the sun was out yet. The dark curtains hid the light so there was no telling.

"Yeah. Let's go talk out here."

What was up with all the mystery?

He waited patiently for Yoongi to return. About twenty minutes later he walked back in. He laid next to him and turned his gaze to him.

Jimin kept his eyes closed shut, but he could feel Yoongi's burning eyes on him. "I can hear your heart speeding Jimin," he told turning on the lamp beside the bed.

"Why was Yuta here?" He wondered quietly.

"I will let you know when the time is appropriate."

Jimin finally turned to face him. He sighed with a slight frown. "More secrets to protect me?" He didn't mean for his voice to sound so snappy and yet it did.

Yoongi smiled, "You're very cute when you're mad. Do you know that?"

A pink tint spread over his face. "Stop trying to change the conversation." He whispered beyond flustered.

Yoongi slid all the way down on the bed until their noses were almost touching. "I will tell you when the time is right. Can you just trust me on that, please?"

"Okay."

"I'm sorry about last night. I didn't mean to raise my voice or put you on the spot. You're right. I haven't been listening to your feelings. You deserve that. I gave Nayeon the chance to. So I'm going to let you tell me what you're feeling. Why do you want to be a vampire?"

"I shouldn't have raised my voice at you either. I was just angry and I wasn't thinking right." He mumbled a bit nervous at the previous question.

"Is that your way of apologizing?" He smiled raising his eyebrows.

"Yes."

"Very well. I take your apology as long as you take mine."

"I take it as well."

"So? You didn't answer my other question. Why do you want to be a vampire Jimin?"

Jimin nibbled the inside of his lip, "I just want to be with you forever. You're my happiness and the fear of growing older and you not loving me terrifies me."

"Jimin, I will love you regardless. I fell in love with you not because of how you look, but because of how you are."

"If you love me so much why aren't you willing to let me spend forever with you?"

Yoongi sighed sitting back up. Jimin instantly did so as well. He ran his fingers through his fluffy hair and cleared his throat before speaking up.

"Do you remember when I told you that vampires feel everything heightened?"

"Yes."

"When I was human I was pretty reckless and had that I-don't-give-a-fuck attitude. So when I transformed that was heightened. You're so caring and empathetic. Do you know how deep you would feel if you transformed? It would be a sea of emotions crashing onto you. Although, your personality and the way you are is beautiful I don't think you could handle hurting another person. It would destroy you. I'm telling you because I see my friend Namjoon struggle with this everyday. He sees himself as a monster and he can't get over the fact that he had to feed on humans to complete his transaction. It took him years to manage his diet. He only feeds on animals now and I still can't do that. The thirst is too strong. Could you feed on humans Jimin? If you got too carried away and ended up killing someone could you handle that? Would you be able to live an eternity knowing what you did?"

Jimin's heart sunk to the bottom of his stomach. The thought of ever doing that made him sick. He hadn't really put much thought into that until he brought it up. The fact that he would feel everything a million times more was also terrifying.

If he couldn't even deal with this emotional wreck he had caused Hoseok how would he deal with it while being immortal? Could he truly be happy as an immortal if he wasn't even happy as a human?

"I know it probably sounds like I'm trying to discourage you and find every excuse to change your mind. I'm just thinking of your future. I just want you to think ahead and not think of the present. It's okay to live your life to the fullest and take risks, but at times we have to step back and think of the consequences of our actions."

Jimin looked down at his lap fidgeting with his hands. Yoongi scooted closer to him and planted a kiss on his cheek.

"I just want you to think about it more. Okay? I don't want you to rush with this decision because it will literally change everything. It took Nayeon a year to decide. I'm willing to you give you all the time that you need. Whatever you decide I will support you."

"Thank you Yoongi. I hadn't really thought about that until now. I guess you are wise for your age huh?" He weakly smiled.

"Yeah. I guess I am."

"Who transformed you?" He wondered. Now that he had brought up this whole conversation it made him question what could've made him turn.

"I met this beautiful man in 1756. Jaehyun. This guy was gorgeous. Back in the day being attracted to the same gender was consider sinful. Even more than it is today. I went to a party hosted at a random persons house. It was basically a huge orgy. I had a few drinks and met eyes with him. We didn't talk much to say the least. He fed on me multiple times and told me what he was. He was very reckless like myself. Or maybe he was just drunk on alcohol and blood. Anyways, I asked him to transform me. Not because I was in love with him. I just wanted to be different and powerful in this world. I never wanted to age and never wanted to worry about dying one day. I wanted to explore every inch of the earth and live through the decades. I didn't really have a real motive behind it besides power."

"Do you regret it?" Jimin whispered.

"No. I do not."

"Why?"

Yoongi cupped his face and kissed him again. This time on the lips. "Because if I wouldn't have transformed I would've never had the pleasure to meet you."