Glazed Doughnuts

CH 11: I'm Sorry

Gulf had been the new him for a whole of three weeks. Mew was only hurting worse as the days passed. His heart was hurting because of the changes in Gulf's personality. But who was he to complain? He was the one who was wishing to see changes in Gulf. He was the one who wanted Gulf to keep his distance from him. But Gulf never complied with all this before. And now, when Gulf had changed just as Mew had wished him to, his heart was aching.

Mew wanted to see the chirpy Gulf. But this Gulf only talked when Mew talked to him. Gulf would rarely start conversations. And when he did, none of the two knew how to keep it going. Mew missed the times when Gulf made breakfast for them. They used to chatter over what they will have for lunch even if they still weren't done with the breakfast. They would talk about their schedule for the day. But now, when Mew walked to the kitchen every morning, Gulf would already be gone. Gulf had stopped going to the office with Mew.

At work, Gulf was back to the man he was for the past five years. But Mew wanted to see the man he had been before he disappeared for two weeks. Mew regrets the night he asked Gulf to stop courting him. Because Gulf not only had stopped courting Mew but he had also stopped talking to Mew. Mew could not stand the silence. Mew could endure any silence in this world but not the one that Gulf was giving him. For years, Mew loved the silence and loneliness. But the silence Gulf gave him was piercing through his ears. His ears could bleed because of it. For the first time in years, Mew felt lonely when someone didn't talk to him. He was someone who had started to like being alone. But now, he could not be the same. The warmth he had was all gone. He was turning cold on the insides. He was starting to die.

Gulf would be the happiest person when Mew was on his periods. Gulf won't leave Mew's side. He would get him everything he wanted. But this time, Gulf found work a little more important. Gulf left Mew's room after Mew had fallen asleep. He didn't cuddle with Mew like he used to. Gulf gave Mew the heating pad instead of snaking his hands under Mew's shirt. He was not the Gulf Kanawut known to Mew. It was like someone else was trying to copy the original man. Gulf wasn't the same person who would flirt with Mew. He had kind of stopped caring for Mew. Gulf was so close to him but still felt so distant. And Mew hated himself for that.

Mew was blaming himself for wanting to see these changes in Gulf. When he was wishing for these, he didn't know better. He didn't know that he would get so used to Gulf's behavior that when he changes, Mew's heart would go numb. He didn't know that he would be the one who would hurt like this. He never imagined. Only if he knew better, he would have never wished for these changes. For him, it was his fault. It was his own fault that he was hurting.

It was to be almost a month to those hurtful changes in Gulf. Mew had gone to his mom's grave to talk to her. He wanted to tell his mom all the mistakes he had done. Because she was the only one who would not judge him. Mew wasn't even talking to Win and Wan these past few days. He was too tired to listen to them. He was ignoring everyone as much as he could. He didn't want to show anyone his tears.

Mew was not home for the whole day and it was evening already. The sun was to set in not more than an hour and there were no signs of Mew returning. Gulf was sitting in the living room, surfing through Netflix. The bell rang but Gulf ignored it because he thought it was Mew. And Mew already had keys to the door. But whoever it was, rang the doorbell again and again. Gulf got irritated and got up to check who the hell it was.

"Ai'Fai?" Gulf was confused. She was holding two bags. "Hey yo! Brother!" Puifai greeted him. "What are you doing here?" Gulf inquired. "Pizza and beer! We need to talk about your love issue anyways so I bought this on my way," Puifai said as she walked in. "You could have called me to inform at least," Gulf rolled his eyes.

Puifai settled herself on the couch. "So, how's it going?" she asked taking out the beer cans and pizza boxes. Gulf came and sat beside her. "No as such progress" he answered. "How has that man been behaving around you?" Puifai reframed her words. Gulf sighed, "He tells me everything he's doing. He never did that before. It's like he has changed." Puifai saw the sadness her sworn brother's eyes were screaming.