Lavish || KNJ✅

1 x 5

I thought that going to see my dad would help things...but it didn't. It just had me thinking about Namjoon and my dad. I tried talking to him like usual, and imagining his response, but I didn't have it in me to even do that.

Kylee made several points the other day. I have a good partner. From when we started dating...like actually dating, there has never been a reason to not trust him. He's a lot of things...but a cheater isn't one of them right?

I try to convince myself, but it's always ringing in the back of my mind, "What if he is? What if he is?"

This is what I hate about the intangible. There is nothing I can do but trust him until given proof otherwise...if it were the first time. This wouldn't be the first time.

Everything in my gut was moving in ways I didn't like again and my brain played along with painful flashbacks to freshman year. Nothing could make me feel better. I went nights without sleeping and days without eating. Crying day in and day out. Sooji almost sent me to a psych ward.

I can't go through that again. I can't handle being lied to again. And by now he would know and...I refused to believe that I would have this rock on my finger if he wasn't going to commit to me one hundred percent like he has the last few years.

But it's like Minseo said. First love first wife. I can't compete with that. God...I'm going to be sick.

My phone started ringing under my lap, Namjoon's name coming up on the screen on top of a picture of us on a picnic blanket in the backyard, my head rested in his lap, laughing while he smiled down at me.

I can't avoid him forever.

Me: *clears throat* H-Hello?

Namjoon: Hey.

Me: Hey.

Namjoon: I um...didn't catch you leaving this morning.

Me: Right. Sorry, I went to see my dad. I left a note on the fridge.

Namjoon: Oh. I must have missed it.

Me: Yeah...

Namjoon: Do you want to meet later? After work?

Me: I have plans. Zo wants us to meet his new boyfriend.

Namjoon: Oh ok. I'll just uh...see you later then.

Me: Yeah. Bye.

I was not up to go out after work. But I was less up to the meltdown that would happen if I didn't show up for Zo. So as soon as I got off work, I went to meet them at this pizza place, Mellow Mushroom, trying to choke out how out of it I was.

I was the second one there, the first was Peach, already missing a nail despite getting them done not but two days earlier. Zo and his boyfriend were holding hands on the table, leaning on each other.

Zo: There she is! Troye, this is my second favorite.

Me: Hey, Zo. Nice to meet you, I'm Nari.

Troye: *smiling* Nice to meet you too, Nari.

Peach: Are you okay?

Me: Why wouldn't I be?

Peach: Your eyes are red?

Me: Yeah...I just got new contacts and they're irritating the shit out of me.

Peach: Imagine having to pay to see.

Me: Imagine paying for nails you ruin two days later.

Peach: It wasn't my fault! Fucking Mari me into me and my hand hit-

Zo: *sighing* Yeah. These are my friends.

Troye: Stop. They're great.

Soon after I came in so did Mari and Sooji. Mari came in quietly, sitting next to me and shaking hands with Troye. Sooji, though, makes an entrance, still dressed in her work clothes, visibly rushing in her tardiness, going to sit next to Troye. I guess the boys were getting dirty looks from an elderly couple behind us, because Sooji was quick to snap at them.

Sooji: Can we fucking help you? No? Turn the fuck around, your food will get cold with you.

She slumped into her seat, moving hair from her face, clearing her throat, and dismissing all the post work rage so that she could turn her usually stern face and intimidating face into a sweet, lovely smile.

Sooji: God, I need a drink. Hi! I'm Sooji!

Troye: *nervous* I'm Troye. Nice to meet you.

Sooji: You too. Zo never really talks about people he's seeing, so it must be getting serious if he wants us to meet you!

Zo: You could say that.

They smiled at each other before locking lips as the pizza was served at the table. What was I doing here? Looking at them all jealous when I have this. I have a good person. A person I don't want to be away from anymore.

Me: Um...it was nice to meet you Troye, but I can't stay too long.

Sooji: What's up?

Me: I have some stuff to do for the wedding but I didn't want to completely stand you guys up.

Sooji: Call if you need help with anything.

Me: Of course. Love y'all.

I blew a kiss at them all and rushed out the door to my car, going at ungodly speeds to get back home, mentally cursing myself for not going back home in the first place. When I pulled up to the town house, I slammed the door shut and ran inside.

I found Namjoon in the kitchen, in his sweats, leaning on the counter in front of a copy of Intimations by Zadie Smith with milk in a pot, warming up on the stove. He looked up over the frames of his glasses when I walked into the kitchen noisily.

Namjoon: Hey. I thought you were-

I cut him off, basically jumping on him and squeezing him in my arms. He was taken by surprise, but he didn't hesitate to hold me back. His chin rested on top of my head as his hand found a gentle grip in my hair.

Namjoon: Are you alright?

My voice quavered from being on the verge of tears. My hands balled up his shirt as my tears soaked it. My stomach untied itself and my nerves began to calm down, but my hands were still shaky.

Me: N-No.

The milk on the stove started boiling and spilling over and sizzling on the stove top, but I wouldn't let go of him. He reached down to my thighs and lifted me up with one arm so he could move and shut off the stove and move the pot to a back burner.

I was carried upstairs to our bedroom, sitting on the bed with me in his lap. I moved my arms to wrap around his shoulders and hide my face in the crook of his neck and it took Namjoon forever to peel me away.

Namjoon: Come on. Let me see you.

He lifted my head up by my chin, wiped my tears before holding my face in both his large hands so he could continue to dry the waterworks with his thumbs and have me look into his chocolate brown eyes.

Me: *crying* I'm sorry I-

Namjoon: Shh. Don't apologize.

Me: But-

Namjoon: No. Do you trust me?

Me: *nodding* Mhm.

Namjoon: *whispering* Then that's all that matters to me, princess. That's all that matters.

His thumb grazed away another tear before he gently locked his lips to mine. From there I clung to him letting him kiss me and caress me until all of my doubtful feelings were soaked up and burned in the warmth of his skin.