Namjoon: We can't go on without talking about it.
I sat in a ball on the bed, my head in my knees after getting out of the shower and changing into my pjs consisting of shorts and his shirt that I felt really lucky to be allowed to wear after all of this. I nodded as he came and sat with me on the bed.
Me: I know.
Namjoon: I just...want to start by saying that I'm not mad at you.
Me: How could you not be mad at me right now?
Namjoon: Because I know what it was like being in your shoes.
Me: Except she actually cheated on you.
Namjoon: It's different for women. I've seen both my sisters get cheated on and gaslit for catching onto it. For Nala it was her first boyfriend because he was insecure about her liking girls too. And in the beginning I wasn't entirely honest with you. I don't blame you for reacting the way you did. I just need to know...right here...right now, do you trust me?
Me: Of course I trust you. I just...I don't know.
Namjoon: You can talk to me, Nari. And tell me the truth. I'm not going to hold it against you.
Me: Remember when you said in the beginning you weren't always honest?
Namjoon: Hm.
Me: And when I rekindled things, I told you we had to commit because I couldn't handle losing you twice.
Namjoon: I remember that, yeah.
Me: I guess it still hurts when I think about it. And like...I'm really scared of losing you and being alone. Like, we grew up different. Your parents are still together. Mine broke up when I was eight. I don't remember much about their marriage, but I know that what they had wasn't love because my dad was...always telling me to question the meaning of love. Asking me what it meant and if it really existed outside of the relationship that he and I had.
Me: When I got older I realized that aside from me he was completely alone. He didn't have close friends. He didn't live close enough to family. Hell, half the money he left for me when he did went into making sure he had a good funeral that only a handful of people showed up to.
Me: I love my dad so much, but I don't want to end up like him. I don't want to go through life without having someone to love me and for me to have someone to love...intimately. And when we split the first time I genuinely thought that is how things were going to end up for me.
Me: I think that I'm just so scared of losing you that when I felt that you were gone already I just...I don't know. Tried ripping the bandaid off and getting it over with. Thinking maybe it would hurt less.
He gave me a very gentle, comforting smile, and brushed hair away from my face and behind my ear before wiping my cheeks of my falling tears. I rolled my head back, taking a long, deep breath and then tried to continue my monologue.
Me: Which is unfair to you because you're a really good person and a really good boyfriend and finance. So good that I think you're too good to be true so I keep looking for flaws to justify me being skeptical. And I'm just...I'm so, so sorry Namjoon.
Just like that, I was in waterworks again. He slid off the bed and squatted on the floor in front of me. He took my hands into his warm ones, keeping a tighter grip on the left one so I could wipe my face with the other before going back to hold his hand. This time, I held his eye gaze as his thumb caressed the hand it was holding.
Namjoon: Don't apologize.
Me: But-
Namjoon: No. Don't apologize.
Me: I promise. I swear, I'll do better. And I'll stop trying to doubt you.
Namjoon: I know you will. Hey, look at me.
Me: Hm?
Namjoon: You want to know why I'm not mad?
Me: Please?
Namjoon: Because I don't have the energy to be. I really don't. Being in your shoes was impossible for me and it was impossible for you. And see? You just unloaded with me and now we both know what to do going forward.
Me: *sniffling* I'm still really sorry.
Namjoon: Stop. It doesn't matter. Nothing that happened in the last few weeks matters. Hey, look, look you're still wearing your ring. Right?
Me: R-Right.
Namjoon: And I'm wearing mine. That means we are still going to get married. Right?
Me: Yeah...yeah.
Namjoon: We are going to get married. We are both going to plan it. I'm going to put a white gold ring on that finger with a big diamond on it. It's going to have the "princess" engraving. And we are going to sail away on a boat named "princess". And we are going to buy a summer home where we can take our husky-
Me: Named Joonie.
Namjoon: *smiling* Named Joonie. And we will live happily ever after no matter what Minseo or God himself throws our way. And I'm never going to give up on your, I don't care how skeptical you get.
He wiped away another tear as I nodded. I slipped on the floor with him and threw my arms over his shoulder. He stroked my hair and shushed me down until my sobbing in his shoulder turned into slow breaths and the tears stopped falling down my face.
Me: Namjoon?
Namjoon: Yeah?
Me: I love you so much. I don't deserve you, but-
Namjoon: Shh. You deserve the best the world has to offer.
Me: Then I guess I do deserve you.
Namjoon: *smiling* I love you too, Nari. And nothing can or will change that. Not even Blake Lively.
Me: *laughing* Yeah right.
Namjoon: *laughing* I'm serious. I love you too. So much, princess.
Me: And you still want to marry me?
Namjoon: That's the only thing I want to do, Nari. I just want to marry you.
Me: I want to marry you too.
Namjoon: Speaking of which, we have an appointment tomorrow. For cake testing. Do you still want to go or should I reschedule?
Me: I want to go. I think it'll be good for me.
Namjoon: Same. I think it'll be good for us too.
YOU ARE READING
Lavish || KNJ✅
FanfictionPRINCESS TRILOGY: #3 (Finale) she's ready. so many years, Nari is ready to settle down. but the past seems to be brought up at every turn, making her question his intentions, committment, and their lives together as husband and wife.
