Train to Love ☑

S - 13

Bismillah hir Rahman nir Raheem. 

Her head lay in prostration, for this act has become her means of strength. 

She prayed sincerely that this gnawing pain in her chest would relieve her for once. Months have passed, but the ache in the cracks of her heart still felt raw. Just like everything happened yesterday, she couldn't succumb herself to take it all in. 

Life could never have been easy. Jannah is our goal, but it can't be reached with ease. You have to endure hardships, heartaches, loss of your cherished ones, poverty, criticism, and so on. But that doesn't mean you should stop living. What matters is how you take all this in and live with Sabrun Jameel (Beautiful Patience). 

That is when you would be eligible for graduating your dream: Jannah. 

But the toughest part is we can say it with so much ease but when we are pushed to take the leap and churn in those hardships, is when so many of us get lost on the battlefield. Some go astray due to their miseries, some take medication for their depression, some lose themselves in the abyss of their loss and only a few are the ones who brew the courage to withstand with faith. Stay rooted in their spot till the trial turns into its opposite. 

Shabna was the same case. Though life knocked her off the edge, she held the rope of faith firmly clasped in her hands. She was sure that this storm would pass by, and the sun would eventually come to its peak, spreading its glory all over her. 

Each day passed with so much difficulty that she couldn't put forth in words. She hadn't slept in ages. Every night when she hits the bed, alone, she misses the feeling of the jigsaw puzzle which she created with so much care, her family. A husband and a daughter. The bed feels almost empty. 

One left her without cause and the other left her for Allah's cause. 

All the while, she did not blame her for the happenings. It was all Qadr Allah. And for once, she hated Armaan for betraying her, scorching her soul with agony, depressing her soul with tears, and depriving her when she needed him the most. But now he has become a stranger to her. The fantasy of her story with him as the lead has eventually come to an end.  

She sighed as she hit the bed after fajr prayer. She closed her eyes to take some ample sleep, which she hadn't had in so many days.  

.....  

"Shabna! can't this dress fit me?" Jesima cried holding a dress which she liked but when it came to a size smaller, she had hit sadness.  

"You may check something different Jessie! You have so many other options." Shabna turned into a circle to show that the shop is packed with so many varieties of dresses.  

"But my heart has already gone to this one, particularly." She pouts.  

It was a light yellow maxi dress, with small and fascinating pink flowers and there is a knot near the waist, adding serenity and the fabric is very handy and soft.  

"I don't know how to console you," she tried.

They have come for shopping for two hours and yet Jesima couldn't find anything suitable for her.  

"Try something new."  

"Yellow is a bad color, perhaps." Shabna wondered.  

"Hello! Yellow is the trend," Jessie replied, keeping one hand over her hip.  

"Whatever makes you happy," she deadpanned, "Jessie! Come on. I am tired." She sighed dramatically.  

"Oh! How beautifully you thank me for taking you out from that broiler cage of your room." Jesima rolled her eyes at her friend.  

"Maybe, but I am used to it."  

"Don't be," Jesima walked over to her friend, "Don't be used to getting yourself locked down! It's not like the whole world has got some dangerous virus thing and is telling everyone to shut up and stay home."  

"You are free Shabna. It's your life, live it to your fullest." Jesima said putting a hand over her shoulder as they both walked out of the shop in the mall.  

When Shabna kept silent, she added, "I think you should come shopping with me more often."  

Hearing this Shabna's head jerked up, "God Forbid," she said out loud and they both started laughing.

....  

Later in the evening, Shabna walked out of her room and went to the kitchen, for she felt thirsty.  

She grabbed a glass over the counter and filled it with water, and gulped down her easophagus after saying a Bismillah.  

After her trip to the mall, she had indeed felt so tired that she had slept after reaching home. And she was walking out of her room just then.  

She heard voices coming through her living room, and she smiled as she recognized them. One was her mother and the other was her Phuppu (paternal aunt).  

She walked along the aisle of the kitchen and stepped into the corridor which led to their hall. But she stopped dead on her tracks as she heard a glimpse of their conversation.  

"...It's been six months. And it's probably time, we search for someone good." Her mother, Mubeena was saying.  

"I know you are hinting about getting your daughter married to my son. Come on! We are relatives and I know you so well to understand what lays behind your words," her Aunt has replied.  

"Don't get me wrong. But my daughter is a true gem," Mubeena emphasized.  

"I am very well aware of that Mubi-" there was a pause, "-but though she is a gem, she has been already used."  

Shabna could already hear her heart beating rapidly.  

"And not to forget, it's my son's first marriage. I want someone fresh for him. And as horrible as it sounds, everyone wishes for their legacy to be carried to the future generation and I am one among them.

"I am sorry to disappoint you and I hope you would understand my point of view and don't hold any grudges against me. You are more like a friend to me, Mubeena, than my brother's wife and I know that Shabna didn't do anything wrong but society blames only the women for every problem that arises in marriages." Her Aunt continued.  

"Hey! It's okay." Though she could hear her Mother's voice, she felt it crack at the end. She couldn't take more before her Aunt says something extra to put the cherry on top and which would cause her more pain, and won't be able to listen. So she ran to her room and closed the door in a thud. 

She stood on the threshold, leaning against the doorframe clutching her chest, for it felt raw pain.  

Not in her dreams did she think about her Aunt's son, her elder cousin as husband material for her. He was more like a big brother to her. And never did she think that her Aunt would judge her and criticize her like that When her own family thinks about her like this, what picture did the society have about her? 

All the way, she isn't the one who had an affair outside their marriage, she isn't the one who committed the mistake. She was innocent and the whole world believes she was guilty, the irony of her situation seemed comicable.  

Above all, she felt burdened on her parents. More than ever.  

.......