Strings of Regret

Chapter 33

The sleeping butterflies in my stomach has awoken at the mere sight of him. His presence has made my knees wobble like crazy. His piercing and brooding eyes has nailed my feet on the ground no matter how strong the urge to turn away is. 

Those same eyes still has that effect on me even after years pass. The line that made our eyes met was cut short at the familiar lean figure owned by Drake. 

  "Ayos ka lang? Nakacheck-in na ang TL niyo kaya pwede na tayong pumunta sa mga rooms at magpahinga." 

Napatanga ako sa narinig. Agad kong napansin na nagsialisan na ang mga ka team ko bitbit ang mga bagahe at bag nila papunta sa isang mabatong daan na makikita ang mga rooms at sun loungers sa harap ng swimming pool. Hinagilap ko agad ang bag sa gilid ko at tumayo. Nanatiling nakakunot ang noo no Drake habang tinititigan ako. 

  "Tara," pag-aaya ko sa kanya. 

Ambang maglalakad na sana ako papalayo ng hawakan niya ang kamay ko kaya natatarantang napatingin ako sa kanya habang nanlalaki ang mga mata. 

  "Namumutla ka…" pagpupuna niya. 

  "Pagod lang ako sa byahe kaya… Tara na." Agad akong tumalikod at walang lingon-lingong naglakad paalis. 

Why is he here? Wala ba siyang trabaho? Bakit sa lahat ng lugar dito pa? Kung nasaan talaga ako? What is destiny up to? But then…

Why would it matter? As if naman na may pakialam siya sa akin. I broke it off with him years ago. Kaya siguro kahit hanggang ngayon hindi pa rin ako nakakabangon at nakakausad man lang. Ganito ba talaga kapag ikaw ang nakipaghiwalay? Ikaw rin ang huling makaka-move on? Maybe all the unfelt remnants of pain from the heartbreak years ago has took its time to resurface now. Like what i said, I didn't have the time to linger back to our break up because I was too preoccupied with the major problem at hand. 

Kaya siguro ganito nalang ako kaapektado sa lahat lalo na noong nakita siya muli. I didn't get the time to grieve much and sulk how fate needed to break us apart. Ngayon pa lang siya tumalab ng makita ko siya ulit. 

Hell, for sure I'm the only one who is affected by this. A proof was back in the reunion weeks ago. It was clear that he already moved on based on his interaction with Tiana. It was still vivid how the pang I felt on my chest was too painful but I endured it. Seeing how his smile was twice bigger than he was with me was like a punch in the gut. How he felt so comfortable while he was with her was a harsh slap in the face that… I am not the only person he could be so comfortable with. 

My reflection in the mirror has blurred as I reminisced or more like… a trip to memory lane. A memory that could only stay as it is. Nothing more nothing less. 

Kailangan ko na talagang itatak sa kokote ko na pabayaan nalang siya. Na kailangan kong idistansya ang sarili ko sa kanya kasi wala siyang mapapala sa akin. Na puro sakit lang ang dala ko kapag naging malapit ako sa kanya. That he doesn't feel anything towards me anymore. He, again, proved that in the reunion. How he dismissed our short conversation back there. Like he didn't want to engage himself to me ever again. 

But what's with his stare earlier? Bakit ganoon nalang siya makatitig sa akin? Na para bang kaylaking kasalanan ang makita ako sa iisang lugar. Bakit biglang nagbago ang pagtitig niya sa akin kompara noong reunion? May bahid na pagkainis ang mariin na titig niyang iyon. It is understandable given that I had inflicted him great pain. Kung ako rin siguro ang nasa posisyon niya, maiinis rin ako kapag nakita ang ex ko sa iisang lugar katulad ko. That's a given but what had me perplexed a bit was the anger lying in the depths of his brooding stare.