Dereks pov:
Meredith and I have been a fighting for awhile, there is no reason why we're fighting but we are. She just isnt acting like myself. Last night she went to sleep in the guestroom and my nightmares came back. I havent had those in years, I woke up shaking and sweating. I think its Mer who is holding me back from having them.
I'm now taking a shower, I just want to know why we are fighting because its stupid and I love her too much, not to sleep in the same bed. I feel like its my fault. I walk out of the shower and get dressed. When I walk downstairs I already hear Meredith talking too Zola. ''goodmorning'' I say.
''morning daddy'' Zola says. I walk up to her and give her a kiss on her head. She starts to giggle. Meredith is watching her with a smile on her face. How much I love these two isnt normal. No words can describe my love for them.
''Meredith?'' ''No'' she responds. ''come on, I dont even know why we are fighting'' she scoffs at me, and now I know for sure its me what we're fighting about. ''cant we just talk?'' ''about?'' ''why we are fighting? I want you in bed with me again'' ''dont even think about it'' ''Meredith? Please?''
She ignores me and walks away to the bathroom. I dont know how to fix, what I did, since I dont even know what I did. ''hi Zozo, are you going to go to Sofia's house?'' ''yea'' ''great, I'll take you there'' I walk upstairs to say bye to Mer. ''Meredith, we're leaving, I'm taking Zo to Sofia'' ''alright, bye'' ''I love you'' I say and I turn around and walk back downstairs.
She didnt even say that I have to drive safe. What if she doesnt even love me anymore. No Derek dont think about that ''come on Zozo, lets go'' she runs up to me and we walk to the car. I buckle her up and get in the frontseat.
When I arrive at Callie and Arizona's house, I greet them, and drop Zola off. I walk back to my car but Callie stops me. ''hey Derek?'' ''hmm'' ''whats wrong?'' ''nothing? why?'' ''come on, I can see the pain in your eyes.'' Is it that obvious? ''oh, uhm- Mer slept in the guestroom last night and my nightmares came back'' ''hold up- why did she sleep in the guestroom''
''I'm sorry Callie but I'm not going to tell you my entire love life, I dont think Mer wants me to tell you everything about our fights'' ''so you guys are fighting?'' ''yea, I just dont know why? What if she fell out of love?'' ''Derek look at me, she didnt, you guys are the example of soulmates, you were made for eachother, she still loves you'' I humm in a response. ''thank you Callie, I'll see you later''
I get home and Mer is sitting on the couch. I open the frontdoor and walk in ''hi'' I say. She doesnt say anything. I look at her and she gives me a deathglare. I walk to our bedroom with my head down. I open the door and lay down, no Derek you cant fall asleep. I remember the first time I slept with Meredith, she woke me up during my nightmare and I immediately felt safe.
3 days later
Meredith still hasnt come back to our bedroom. I have been having nightmares everynight, last night I didnt sleep at all. I have to was the sheets everyday because I'm sweating so much. I hope tonight she'll join me. I'm brushing my teeth and get into bed. I can hear Meredith walking in the hallway. She isnt coming this way. I get out of bed again and walk up to her.
''Meredith?'' ''huh?'' ''can you please sleep with me?'' ''no Derek, dont you get it, you hurt me and you're trying to sleep with me, its not that easy to get a woman in bed Derek, maybe the first time after I was drunk it was but not anymore'' ''Mer- I- I dont want to have sex, I just want you next to me''
''nope'' ''please, you keep me safe'' ''no Derek, stop asking'' I walk away, but then I realise, I still dont know what I did. ''Come on Meredith, at least tell me what I did wrong, I know its all on me that we're fighting, I'll take the blame for all of it, but at least tell me what I did wrong, because I have been thinking about something for days now and I cant figure it out''
''you really dont remember?'' I shake my head no and she scoffs. ''you texted me, you texted me a picture, of you, sitting at Joes receiving a lap dance from some woman'' ''WHAT?! That- that cant be true I havent been at Joes in months'' ''right, well the text says otherwise Derek''
''just- just call Joe, he can confirm it! Please, please sleep next to me?'' ''No Derek, night'' I walk away and tears start to stream down my face. I would remember that right? I grab my phone but there is no picture.. ''damnit'' I yell. I would never do that to her, she is the love of my life. I'm so tired but I dont want to sleep, second night with no sleep.
The next morning I look in the mirror and I've never looked this tired, I'm not dreamy anymore. I look terrible. I have bags under my eyes and my eyes are puffy. I walk into the kitchen and Meredith and Zola are already dressed and eating breakfast. I make some coffee and I can feel eyes on me. I turn around and Meredith is staring at me.
''Dont make me feel bad Derek, you're the one who caused this, I cant help it, but when I look at you I-'' ''you what? please dont say it Meredith'' ''nevermind'' she responds. ''just sleep'' ''I cant Meredith, I cant sleep'' ''right, because I 'keep you safe''' ''you know what, forget it, forget it all, if you dont want to believe me thats fine, if you dont want to sleep next to me thats fine, but just know I love you so much, I would never do that to you, never in my entire life. You're the love of my life, but if you feel disgusted, when you look at me, I feel like I should leave''
I walk back upstairs and grab a suitcase. I put alot of clothes in it, my cologne, toothbrush, toothpaste and shampoo. I walk downstairs with my stuff, grab some coffee, and walk out of the house without saying anything, I get in my car and drive to the hospital. I lay down in an on-call room and just let my eyes rest. Dont you dare fall asleep Derek. But I did, I fell asleep.
I wake up shaking, tears streaming down my face and the sheets being wet from my sweating. I sit down at the edge of the bed to try and control my breathing but I cant. Suddenly the door knob turns but I locked the door so he or she cant get in. ''Derek? Let me in'' its Meredith. I get up but I fall to the ground immediately, I sort of crawl to the door and unlock it. I sit up against the wall trying to control my breathing.
Meredith walks in and she looks at me. ''oh Derek'' I cant talk. She walks over to me, and sits on her knees, she wraps her arms around me, I immediately calm down. My tears do not stop thought, I cant lose her. ''sh Derek, its okay, you are okay. I'm here, and I will be here forever'' I look at her confused and she speaks up again ''I called Joe, he confirmed it, that you werent there that night, I dont know who send that picture, or how they got it, but I believe you.''
''But why are you even here?'' I get out between some sobs. ''because I felt bad Derek, I suddenly remembered that you had those nightmares before we met, and a while during our relationship, I figured thats why you couldnt sleep, and thats why you wanted me to sleep with you'' ''yea, well if you dont want to thats fine, I am doing this for 5 nights already'' ''yes, and that has been to much, I cant let you suffer Derek, you are the love of my life too, I cant lose you, I love you too much''
''Can I kiss you?'' she asks me. I nod my head and she leans in. Damn, I missed that feeling. I deepen the kiss and I we pull away. ''I missed you Mer'' ''I know, but I'm here now and forever''
__uhm- okay, that was interesting, I just kept writing, I cried while writing this though lol. I will write more out of Merediths perspective, or atleast I will try.. longer chapter (1500 words)
