SUGAR (bxb)

24. Painful Memories (Casey)

   I'm standing in the middle of my apartment with an expression of doom on my face.

   I love my home. I was proud that I was able to afford it and live on my own. It's enough to make me happy, although it's only a bedroom and an open living room with a tiny kitchen.

   But now it looks so small, unfriendly and... empty.

   The walls are weighting down on me as if they'll fall at any moment and bury me under bricks and stone and my own uneasiness.

   I take few deep breaths to calm myself.

   I'm being dramatic. Nothing bad has happened. Ave just saw someone he didn't want to meet and hid to avoid them. It has nothing to do with me. He's not obliged to explain to me every move he makes.

   I close my eyes and make every effort to stop the thought which has been trying to pop out in my mind since the moment I saw him, throwing himself under the table to avoid that green-eyed woman.

   I know that, if it's fully formed, it'll hurt me so bad that I'm going to cry.

   The horrid thought is persistent, though. Despite my resistance, it emerges on the surface, ugly, hostile and as sharp as a knife.

   He was hiding because he didn't want to be seen with ME.

   The tears immediately spring out, flowing down my cheeks. I can't stop them. The blade is digging deeper and deeper, bringing out more of them.

   I collapse on the floor, wrapping my arms around my shaking body and start to sob.

   I knew it. I knew it was too good to be true. I lowered my guard and now I fully deserve this.

   It's like a chain reaction. Memories come one after another, making the pain excruciating.

***

   "Sweet angel, I'm so in love with you!" His voice is soft and gentle.

   "You are the most beautiful boy on the Earth," he whispers, words muffled between kisses. Warm hands caress my body. I dive into the feeling, overwhelmed with desire. He gives me all I want. I'm happy.

***

   "Can we go to the movies or have a dinner at that new Chinese restaurant?" My voice is hesitant because, no matter how attentive he is to me and how good the sex is, he always frowns when I ask him to go out. We actually never do. It's either my house or his.

   "Can we keep this a secret, angel? We don't need people, nosing in our relationship."

***

   I feel ashamed of myself for coming to his place again. It has to stop. I feel dirty for wanting the sex, aware that he's hiding me from his friends and his family.

   "You're using me!" I finally confront him. "I don't want to see you again!"

   The slap on my face sounds like a thunder in the empty room. A stream of blood rushes down my chin. I turn around and run out. I'll never come back here.

   I'll never love anyone again. I'll never trust. Never! Never!

***

   I start crying in full voice.

   Why is this happening to me again?

   Ave, please, you can't do this to me! You're different. I asked you if it's only sex and you said it wasn't. I believed. I trusted you.

   Idiot! I'm an idiot! I did this to myself, fully aware that I shouldn't.

   The sudden ring of the phone makes me jump and takes me out of my stupor.

   I peek at the screen, quickly wiping my tears.

   "Sweetie Pie, are you ok?" Lilly's voice is concerned but for some reason it makes me so angry.

   I feel sick. My stomach twists in terrible pulsations.

   "You saw me just five minutes ago," I snap at her. "Why are you calling me? Can't I be alone at least for five fucken minutes?"

   "Sweetie Pie, we're worried," I hear Summer, "you didn't look too good in the car."

   Oh, shit! They've put me on speaker and are all gathered to pity me.

   "I hate this nick name!" I yell. "I hate all your bullshit that is always pouring over my head!"

   "Casey, calm down," Lilly mutters.

   Oh, yeah? Because you can make scenes whenever you like but I'm not allowed?

   "Shut up!" I scream at her. "You couldn't keep your mouth closed at the restaurant, could you? You always have to butt in everything. I'm sick and tired of you all, messing with my life. Live me alone!"

   I fling the phone towards the wall, crushing it to pieces and burst into tears again.

   Two years! I was the secret sex buddy of that sleek bustard for two full years.

   'Angel', I laugh joylessly.

   He called me 'angel', but I felt just the opposite.

   Who in his right mind would put up with this just because the sex is addictive?

   I hated myself for two more years after that slap and the breakdown. I never came close to a boy again.

   I missed the intimacy, but it was a fair price to gain my dignity back.

   And somehow Avery managed to ruin all my walls for two days and two nights.

   "Boyfriend," I snort resentfully. He's no boyfriend of mine.

   My heart shrinks and I burst into tears again.

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Photo by cottonbro from Pexels

A/N

Hello everyone at the end of Chapter 24.

Thank you so much for reading and supporting! ❤❤❤

Do you think Casey is overreacting because of his past?

Was if fair to snap at his friends? 

Don't forget to vote if you liked the story.

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See you in the next chapter.

Love: Anny