Mr. and Mrs. Carter: I Need You Tonight

Chapter 24

June 25, 2003 Beverly Hills, Los Angeles
LILI'S POV
Lili Viotto seen at a club, two months after son's death.

Irresponsible actress Lili Viotto spotted at clubs, with several men.

The Viotto is at it again: Los Angeles' Leading "It" Girl found in clubs, hooking up with men.

I looked at the tabloids. It had been two days, and it was already being broadcasted.

I read them, and it mentioned how insensitive I was and irresponsible, and even included sexist remarks.

It wasn't the first time either.

I threw the tabloids down with anger and stomped on them.

I was tired of it.

So damn tired.

Daily, I was getting harassed by them, mostly by men. Whether it was a sexist joke, remark, or simply an insult, it always happened.

I didn't find it fair. A women had a higher body count than three, she's considered disgusting and a slut. But if a man does, it didn't matter at all.

And I hated that.

In fact, I hated even being alive at this point.

All the abuse from the media was getting to me.

And I wanted it to end. Whichever way possible.

Losing my son made everything worse, and I didn't know what to do.

I looked over where Christoper's crib was. I could almost hear the sound of him laughing.

I didn't even have a single picture of him.

A tear escaped my eye and I wiped it away.

I was done. So completely done. I didn't want to live anymore. Not if this is what I woke up to everyday.

I kicked away the crib and started knocking over furniture and throwing things and breaking them in frustration.

I grabbed the coffee table and slammed it against the wall, the wood breaking and snapping.

I picked up all the vases and threw them on the floor, which caused them to shatter instantly.

I stopped in front of the mirror.

I hated what I saw. Pale thin face, damaged green hair, dark circles, spots.

I looked like a nightmare. And I knew it was because of the drugs, but I didn't care.

In fact, I wanted more.

I grabbed the meth packets and took them. I still remembered getting arrested another time for having it on me.

After the fourth line, I felt worse. For once, it didn't make me feel better. I wiped my nose and stumbled into the kitchen.

Before I knew it, I had a knife in my hand and was cutting my arms.

It hurt, but I couldn't stop.

I kept hearing Christoper's crying voice, and it was messing me up.

"No..." I reached out, but nothing. Again, I started crying hysterically, unable to stop. I sank to the floor, and sobbed.

I wanted to die. There was nothing here for me, all I got was hell.

And I was sick of it.

I knew Kenneth had always kept a gun in the house, but I had no idea how to use it.