bag of bones // one direction // zianourry

chapter 27//runaway

harry rubbed coconut smelling tanning lotion over his belly. as he rubbed, he felt the tingling of louis' kisses that he had peppered down his stomach not too long ago. he wishes he could relive that day over and over again. except for the part where louis kicked him out of his home, calling him homophobic slurs. the sun was hot and the rays kissed his skin. being alone in this house has its perks. for example, harry can easily throw up his food in the toilet without liam ever noticing. it got even easier that it's not just mom as the nurse coming in to do rotations at this house. a different nurse comes by everyday to check on harry for liam. they don't take the time to get to know him like mom did. he's not mad mom left. he knew she had to eventually. she wasn't getting a lot of work in a house that was empty. he doesn't do it often, throwing up, only when he feels like he's losing control of certain things. it was worse when louis finally left. it's also easier for him to slip his pills. these nurses never check his mouth. he can easily spit back into the cup. you would figure liam would be noticing these things, but he doesn't. harry has been able to successfully manipulate his way around his doctor. he's careful.

he likes tanning outside. it makes him feel alive. he can feel the oil heating up his skin and he stretches his body. he feels sexy. the sun makes him feel alive. this was the change he needed. shortly after louis kicked him to the curb indefinitely and liam had to shamefully pick him up, harry started tanning and working out endlessly under the hot sun. usually when liam wasn't around so he wasn't constantly telling him to cut the workout or put on sunscreen. he wishes they had a pool so he can roam around the front yard half naked and attract attention. he's been missing that attention. not from the boys or liam per se, but from men. men that wanted to have sex with him and abuse him. he liked feeling used. made his useless body finally feel useful. louis' painful rejection made it feel even more useless.

he also wishes he could get tattoos like zayn. he wants to be hot like zayn.

as time passed, zayn eventually stopped writing to harry. and harry never understood why. he kept asking liam to send harry's letters to zayn, but he still never received any back.

eventually, he gave up writing them altogether.

zayn just didn't want to talk to him.

like louis.

like niall.

he's alone currently. no new nurse has come by yet. he's not sure if he should tell that to liam.

"hawk?" harry hears as he continues his stretches. he pays it no mind. he doesn't think this voice is talking to him.

"hawk? hawk. harry!" the voice is louder and harry finally has to acknowledge it because it said his name. he turns around and sees a woman. she has the shortest cheetah shorts with a matching bra under a tank top. she's wearing black pumps.. and she's walking a dog?

"can i help you?" harry asked taking an earbud out of his ear.

"hawk, is that you?" the woman asked. harry glances around and then back at her again.

"who? me?" harry asked.

"yes you hawk!"

"that's not my name.

"it use to be. don't you remember me baby?" the woman asked and suddenly harry is triggered into multiple flashbacks. he's young, 13, and he's wrapped in this woman's arms as he cries. her breasts smell of cigarettes and strawberry lube.