I Can't Love You

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Chris POV

Isaac is shaking me awake.

"Hey, you, ok?" He asks concern in his eyes.

"What, oh yes I must have just dozed off to sleep. How did the sale go?" I ask.

"Great," Isaac says as he puts a briefcase in my lap.

I open it to see several stacks of cash inside.

"Great job, this is going in your college fund," I say as I head to the vault we built into my study. With some of our deals not being quite so legal, I could not exactly put this large amount of cash in the bank all at once, so we keep it here and siphon a bit into the bank every few weeks. I grab a stack and throw it at Isaac.

"What is this mine?" Isaac asks.

"Yup, allowance," I say smiling.

We both laugh together.

"Dude, I am going to see if Derek wants to go to the mall with me." I hear him say as he walks to his room.

My ears perk up when I hear Derek's name, part of me wanted to go to the mall too, but those kids do not want this old man spending time together with them.

I wash my hands in the downstairs bathroom and catch my face in the mirror. When did I get so old? When did I get so uncool? I laugh, this is what aging is.

I head to the liquor cabinet, which is never a clever idea, but here we are. Whiskey on the rocks, which is how I felt just like I was being poured out over rocks, hitting rock bottom.

Isaac left an hour ago, I have been drinking for about two hours now.

I hear a small knock on my door.

"Dad, are you ok?" Allison asks.

"Yeah, babe I am good," I say which is not lying considering I was on my third glass.

"You want to tell me what happened to your desk, and your hand now? "She asks.

I sigh knowing we would have to have this conversation; slightly glad I was already drunk.

"Well, I am angry and sometimes I let that shit consume me. I punched the desk. I know it was stupid." I say briefly.

"Did you know you have so many people that love you and you don't have to bottle this stuff up, right?" She says touching my hand.

"Yeah, sweet pea I know. I just use to be so in check emotionally and it just seems like recently I can't control it." I say holding her hand.

"Maybe it's too much for you to carry on your own, maybe you need to share it." She speaks.

Sometimes I cannot believe how smart she is, I am so proud of her and yes, she was right, but I did not want to burden her with the ramblings of an insane old man, so I just smile at her.

We hold hands for a bit longer and she pulls me in for a hug.

"It's Friday, I know you don't want to be here consoling your old man," I say.

She smiles sheepishly as she says "Well I was coming in here to see if I could go to a party with Scott, Stiles, and Lydia, but I can stay home if you need me. I really don't mind Dad."

"Allison, I believe you, but I am ok, I don't need you to take care of me. I am a big boy, go. Have fun and just be safe." I say and smile.

She hugs me tight and then runs to get ready.

It is a bittersweet thing, knowing it will be another lonely night, but I am happy my children have friends and people who care about them.

I pour myself another drink.