One Hundred Ways To Annoy Snape (Finished)

Confess

I hate being warm, but that swim yesterday in the lake made me appreciate warmth. It was terrible. I swear, that is the last time I let Rock talk me into anything. We could've died. And what if Snape wasn't around to save us? I shudder to think about that. I mean, for God's sake, I already have a fear of swimming in lakes. That situation only intensified that fear.

And yet I'd do it again if Rock asked me to. 

But because of our little stunt, Rock and I have detention this evening. Sure, we deserve it, but I think that all things considered, we shouldn't have to serve it. We did, after all, just almost die. You don't recover from that so quickly. But I, being a good student, arrived with Rock at Professor Snape's classroom at seven o'clock precisely. 

"Enter," he snarled. Rock and I shared a look. It seemed that he wasn't in such a good mood. Mind you, few people have ever seen him in a good mood. 

"Good evening to you, too, Professor," I replied dryly, opening the door. 

"So what do you want us to do, Sexy?" Rock asked immediately, looking up for anything. That was a bit suspicious, but it was Snape. Can you blame us, really, for trying to make him just a bit less annoyed? Although it is our intention to annoy him. Hmm. I guess we're doing a good job then. 

If there were a class on how to annoy Snape, we'd be teaching it, I promise you. Rock and I are already writing the textbook.

He gave us a tired glare. "Just clean the cauldrons and then be gone with the both of you," he muttered. I got the feeling that he was getting weary of us. I started to feel guilty, but then I remembered a very important fact: Right now, I didn't care. I had some cauldrons to clean. Rock gave me a sly look. 

"This is going to be easy," she smirked, taking out her wand. 

"No magic," Snape ordered, not even looking up. My mouth fell open in astonishment. How did he do that?

Rock growled, scowling in irritation. "Well, that's okay," she said sweetly. "I guess that old saying is true: You are what you eat." I stared at her in utter bewilderment. What on earth did that have to do with anything? 

"Rock," I said, puzzled. "That makes no sense." 

"No, it doesn't," she agreed. "But that's not the point. The point is Sexy cares about us far more than the average student."

Snape rolled his eyes. "Don't count on it," he growled. 

Rock and I laughed. "Professor, you are such a liar," I said, shaking my head in amusement. "You know you love us. We're too... unique." Rock nodded. "Anyway, I'm shutting up now and I'm going to clean these cauldrons." I grabbed a sponge and started scrubbing. Cleaning cauldrons was easy; it just took up a lot of time and effort. 

"Miss Dewitt," Snape hissed. "I do not care for you more than any other students. First of all, I had to save you -for which you should be grateful- because I didn't want to explain where you went and why I didn't do something about it. Secondly, even if I did, which I don't, there's nothing to do about that. It is, after all, against the rules to engage in personal activities with students. Therefore this entire conversation is pointless. Go back to work."

I stared at him. What the heck did he think I was doing before, making a sandwich? I was sorely tempted to roll my eyes at him. 

"You care for us, don't deny it," Rock snapped. 

Oh, dear God, please no fighting. We hadn't even been in here for ten minutes. And why the heck was I the only one cleaning here? Eh, whatever. Someone had to do it; might as well be this chick. Was I the only one who felt awkward here? Probably. Rock's natural environment is argumentation. 

Snape snarled, "All right, fine, I don't! Now will you stop talking about it and get to work?" 

I did about two double takes. Which would make it a what? Quadruple take? Whatever. "Wait, what?" I asked, shocked. 

"I said I don't," he repeated venomously. 

Rock grinned triumphantly. "Ha, I knew it! I got Sexy to confess! Ha ha! Wait, what?" She replayed what he had just said in her mind. 

Wait for it. Wait. Still waiting... and...

"Yes, you do!" she insisted.

"Don't," he spat.

"Do!" 

"Don't!"

"DO!"

"Rock, I do not care for either you or Jennifer!" Snape shouted, slamming his fist onto the desk. 

Her eyes widened. "Oh, you used our first names, Sexy," she said victoriously. "If you didn't care, you wouldn't have bothered using them to demonstrate your point. I win." She did a little victory dance. I was just trying not to laugh at the look of complete outrage on Professor Snape's face. 

"How many times do I have to tell you?" He hissed in frustration. 

"Clearly, more than once," I muttered to myself. 

He glowered at me, his dark eyes drilling into mine. "Jennif- Miss Dewitt- Just get out, the both of you!" he snapped. 

"But, Sexy, Jen isn't done cleaning," Rock objected. I threw the sponge at her. "Hey!" 

"You shouldn't be complaining," I said in a mockingly scolding tone. She smirked at me and threw the sponge at my head. 

Snape muttered, "Why do I even bother telling you two anything if you don't listen?"

I bit my lip, peevish. "Sorry, Professor. I got distracted-"

"-by your sexiness," Rock finished, grinning. "You have to admit, sir, that when you get angry... it's kind of hot." 

I slapped my hand to my face. That girl has a death wish. I stood up, grabbing Rock's arm. "All right, we're going now. See you later, sir," I told him weakly. He can be slightly scary when he looks like he wants to strangle someone.

I just hoped it wouldn't be Rock.