One Hundred Ways To Annoy Snape (Finished)

Working On It

I sighed, pinching the bridge of my nose in stress. This wasn't nearly as much fun as I thought it was going to be. Snape seemed to be less than amused by our games. Rock was happily munching on some potato chips we borrowed from the kitchen and I took one every once in a while. "Do you think we should stop?" I asked quietly, my mind mostly on other things. "I think Snape's not very happy with us and I don't like making anyone mad." 

Rock rolled her eyes, lightly punching my shoulder. "Jen, it's okay," she laughed. "Snape's never very happy with anyone. Besides, we had fun, didn't we? I just got a great idea. And if you want to stop after that, we will, okay?" 

That seemed fair. And if Rock was having fun, I wasn't going to stop her. "Sure," I readily agreed. "What did you have in mind?" 

She reached into her bag and brought out two small objects. An intrigued smile curved my lips. I put two and two together. "I don't know how you got these," I said slowly, "but I don't really care, either. How did you get these in here? Especially without anyone noticing?" Rock shrugged, grinning broadly. My friend was resourceful, I had to give her that. 

"The best part is that they refill themselves, so we don't ever have to get up," she announced brightly, handing me the purple one while she kept the green one for herself. I smiled triumphantly. This was legitimately epic. And Snape was going to have a heart attack when he figured out what we were doing. 

*********************

Snape had his back turned while yelling at someone for adding the wrong ingredients to the potion. Rock and I shared a sly look and aimed at the same time. We got the back of his head. Quickly turning around, we pretended to be stirring our potion while dying of laughter at the same time. God, that was amazing! We waited to see if he was going to call us out, but apparently, after yesterday, he didn't want to have Rock and I anywhere near his bedroom again. Eh, I couldn't blame him. 

Rock aimed for his backside and her aim was true. She hid her face in her hands to make sure he didn't see her laughing. "I just hit Sexy's ass," she sang under her breath. I swallowed back a loud snort of laughter. 

"Yeah, but you'd rather hit it with your hand," I shot back, grinning. She nodded wildly in agreement, unable to reply because she was laughing so hard. Now Snape had moved back to our side of the room, watching us wearily. I smiled politely at him, but he merely sneered. Rock rolled her eyes at him, winking sneakily at me. My eyes widened in fear. I shook my head, but she ignored my mute warning. 

She raised her hand. "Professor Sexy," she called. He growled in annoyance, but he strode over anyway. Bad idea, Snape. Run. Run now! 

"What is it, Miss Riddle?" he snapped. 

"What's your favorite compound?" she questioned. A look of confusion passed over his face, whether because the question was completely random or because it wasn't something about his ass, I couldn't tell. I bit my lip in concern. Well, now that she had set up the line, she might as well finish it. 

He raised an eyebrow. "I'm afraid I don't have one," he drawled. "Let me guess, Miss Riddle, you and Miss Dewitt do?" We both nodded, her happily, me wryly. 

"Yes! And it's H-two-OOOOHH!" she shouted, squirting him directly in the face. My mouth dropped open, but amusement quickly won out over my surprise. Snape, however, was beside himself with rage. His hands clenched and unclenched as if he wanted to wrap them around her neck. My protective side kicked in -I had to save my best friend, after all. But I had to wait for the right moment to do so. 

"Miss Riddle!" he seethed. "Detent-" Then he started coughing. I had shot water into his mouth while he was in the middle of speaking. Rock stared at me as if she had never seen me before in her life. 

Bewildered, she said, "Jen... I love you." We high-fived. "Best shot ever! Fifty points to Ravenclaw, girl, for doing it while he was talking!" 

Snape was not so pleased with my 'best shot ever'. In fact, his normally pale face was blotchy with red spots. That wasn't a particular good look for him, but it wasn't my face. "Miss Dewitt," he snapped testily. I raised my eyebrows in innocence. "I don't know what has gotten into you, but I suggest you remove yourself from-" Rock shot him in the eye, making him splutter with fury. We stood up, dancing just out of reach of his hands. 

"You go that way!" she sang, pointing to the left, while she dashed to the right. Snape let out a howl of rage. I spun around, running backwards, letting out a delighted scream of laughter. The class had a dumbfounded look on their faces. Snape stood there, face damp, and he was breathing deeply. He didn't know who to go after first, but I guess he assumed I'd be slower, because I went for me. 

"AHHH!" I screamed, running past him, grabbing Rock by the arm and we sprinted down the hall until we reached the end of it. We leaned on each other for support, otherwise we'd collapse from laughing so hard. It echoed down the hall, mocking Snape's inability to ever catch us or punish us for our crime spree. 

After we regained our breath somewhat, Rock asked, "So... still want to stop doing this, Jen?" 

I shook my head. "Hell, no!" I gasped, still smiling widely. "This is the most fun I've had since I got lost in the candy store." 

"Brilliant!" she smirked. "Then we can continue with our quest to annoy Snape!" 

"The only reason he isn't chasing us is because we left our stuff in his classroom, you know," I said seriously. Rock didn't appear to be concerned. 

She shrugged. "So? I'm not going back in there. Sexy is beyond pissed right now and I think we should let him cool down a bit before we do anything, don't you? I mean, you can go back if you really want to, Jen. It was nice knowing you." I rolled my eyes. Way to stay postive, there, Rock. Always the charmer. 

"I'm staying. We should work on our next scheme!" 

"I've already started," she grinned.