One Hundred Ways To Annoy Snape (Finished)

Come Again

I sat down next to Rock, brushing my hair out of my eyes. She stared at me, not saying anything. That was a bit unnerving. If Rock isn't talking, either you're about to die or she has to go to the bathroom. As we're friends, I was opting for the bathroom this time. "Just go. I'll cover for you if Snape asks where you are," I drawled.

She shook her head, blonde curls bouncing. "No... I just got the first idea. We can get him confused." I arched an eyebrow.

"We're going to somehow confuse one of the smartest people on the damn planet?" I asked skeptically. "Well, as much as I love that, Rock, I don't see how."

Rock shot me a bright, mischievous grin. "You'll see, Jen. Don't worry, if there's one thing Sexy Snape doesn't know how to do, it is handle two beautiful and insane girls like us. Not to mention we're madly in love with him." I nodded in agreement. The girl had a point, I had to admit. Besides, there was a good chance I could talk us out of a detention if he got ticked at us. I crossed my arms, reclining back in my chair.

"What is your plan, O Wise One? Pray tell."

"Wellll," she dragged out the word, "I was thinking about how hungry we were last night. I really had a craving for popcorn -weird, I know, but stay with me on this- so why don't we center today's lesson around popcorn?"

I considered this, biting my lip. Finally I said, "I see what you did there." I smiled. "Oh, yeah. This is going to be good."

The slammed of the door indicated that the man of the hour (or every hour if you are Rock and me) had arrived and was in his usual cheerful mood. "I see that some of you have gained the intelligence to still be in school," he snarled. "A pity on all counts, but it cannot be helped, I suppose. Some of you may be under the impression that now that it is a new year, I shall be going soft on you. I suggest you get that thought out of your minds."

I leaned sideways to murmur in Rock's ear, "The only way he'll be going soft is when we're not around... if you know what I mean."

"Get your mind out of the gutter!" she hissed, but she was trying to hold back laughter so it was totally fine. I had a hard time keeping my own laughter down. Not being one to stop myself from laughing, I clapped a hand over my mouth and silently broke down. Snape shot the both of us a dark look and strode over. Rock had the audacity to wink at him. I refrained from rolling my eyes.

"Miss Riddle, Miss Dewitt," he said silkily. "I was under the impression that Potions was a serious class. Why are you laughing?"

Rock and I glanced at each other, nodding in agreement. "Well, you see, sir..." Rock began, then paused thoughtfully. "Popcorn." I silently approved of her method of distraction, even if I would've found a more logical way to drag popcorn into the conversation. As it was, Snape obviously wasn't in the mood to discuss our choices of food right now, because he turned away irritably. I raised an eyebrow in offense.

She passed me a note as Snape was lecturing about Polyjuice. Again. I've read this all before. If he didn't have that amazingly seductive voice, I'd be sleeping comfortably on the desk or doing my hair. Generally I don't pay attention in class. Why should I? I know it all. I unfolded the note, taking care so that Snape wouldn't steal it from me.

Dearest Jen,

Ask Snape if we can turn into popcorn.

Love you!

Rock.

I shook my head in bemusement, but I lifted my hand anyway. Snape knew that if I was sitting next to Rock and I had my hand raised, I didn't actually have a question, so the man ignored me! Narrowing my eye, I sat up straighter, becoming determined. "Professor Snape!" I stage whispered, my arm becoming numb.