One Hundred Ways To Annoy Snape (Finished)

Memory Problems

What the heck was she doing? I stared at Rock in mute horror. What the heck? Here I was, sitting on Snape's couch, barely wearing clothes that covered skin, and drinking! Rock had the tenancy to turn my world upside down in a matter of minutes. She had just told him everything! Not just 'Oh, hey by the way, we want to see you more often' or something but EVERYTHING! I had to try not to strangle her for a minute. 

I glanced at Snape. He was still glaring into his own reflection harshly. I felt a pang of compassion and stood up. Gently I touched his arm. "Professor," I began. 

"Jen!" Rock interrupted, sending me a pointed look. 

"Rock!" I said back, adopting the same tone she had used. Then I grinned at her. She gave me an encouraging look in response. "All right, then... S-Severus, ahem, is it really so hard to believe that we care about you? It's not hard to do, despite your incessant convictions." 

He peeled his stare off the mirror to turn to both Rock and me. After a minute, he muttered, "I'm going to need more to drink." 

I frowned as he took the bottle and refilled his glass. Rock, however, set her drink down and placed her hands on her hips haughtily. It appeared as if she were about to give him a tongue-lashing for being so low on self-esteem, but then she turned to me, a suspiciously innocent glint in her silver eyes. "Jen, he's right, you know." 

What is she playing at? 

"How so?" I asked casually, moving back to my original position on the couch. I don't know why I bother getting up in the first place if all I'm going to do is sit back down. 

"Well," Rock said musingly, "he obviously isn't going to get it through his head anytime soon that he's sexy as hell. So we might as well focus our attention -and affections- on someone who will appreciate it." She started to head towards the door, but suddenly she came to a halt. 

Snape had grasped her wrist in his hand. 

"No," he murmured hoarsely, shaking his head slightly. "You misunderstand. I do appreciate it. You two are..." Clearly words escaped him. 

"Pretty," I suggested. 

"Perfect," Rock added. 

He arched an eyebrow. "The word I was going for was 'unique'," he drawled, draining more of the liquid. "But those work, as well." I was a little concerned at the rate at which he was imbibing the alcohol, but if I stopped him now, Rock would never forgive me for letting this opportunity slip out of our hands. After all, how often do you get to see Severus Snape intoxicated? 

Rock waited a moment before talking again. "So, Sexy, what's your answer?" she questioned, extremely eager. 

"Answer to what?" Snape asked. I slapped my hand over my mouth to keep from laughing out loud. Apparently, while drunk, he forgets things at the drop of a hat -any hat. I still had half a mind to remove the alcohol. 

"Will you take us to the Winter Ball?" 

Snape scowled at the glass in his hand, but he didn't seem to be annoyed at the question. Something else was bugging him. And for once it wasn't us. Cool! 

Rock, on the other hand, was becoming impatient at his lack of response. "Sexy!" she snapped. "Pay attention. Focus, will you take us?" 

"Take you where?" he growled, genuinely oblivious. 

I nearly died of laughter. Oh, that was just too funny. Perhaps he should be drunk more often; it seems to put everyone in a better mood. "Just say 'yes'," I pleaded, still smiling broadly. "Trust me, sir, it's just easier if you don't fight it." 

He considered this. "Yes," he finally confirmed. Rock's face lit up with glee and she quickly threw her arms around the greatly feared Potions master. Some of the drink sloshed over the sides of the glass, but I don't think either of them cared. Rock let go of Snape, who looked faintly puzzled. Not that I blame him, particularly. 

"Great!" she exclaimed, kissing his cheek. "Thank you, Sexy! See you tomorrow." I didn't move as she tried to drag me out of the room. "Jen, what are you waiting for? For the bloody grass to grow?"

I silently shook my head, stepping towards Snape. "Would you be willing to take the Unbreakable Vow on this?" I asked calmly. Rock gasped in excitement, and I imagined that she was quite delighted with my idea. 

"Sure," Snape agreed carelessly, starting to sound drowsy. I glanced at the clock on the wall. It was getting rather late. 

I turned my head to look at Rock. "Would you like to perform the ceremony or shall I?" She shrugged, walking briskly forward and clasping Snape's hand in her own with great anticipation. I took that to mean that I would be doing the ceremony. I took out my wand. This would be short and sweet. 

"Jen," Rock said before I opened my mouth. "Do you think we could get him to agree also to let us-" 

"No." 

"But-"

"No, Rock." 

She pouted, tossing her blond hair over her shoulder. "Okay, fine," she muttered, looking a little put out by my refusal. "Get on with it, then."

I cleared my throat. "Do you, Severus Snape, agree to escort and dance with both Jennifer Dewitt and Rock Lula Riddle at the Winter Ball and keep them company for the duration of the evening?" Rock's face told me that she approved of this question very much so. 

"Yes," Snape with the conviction only an intoxicated person would have. A tongue of flame shot out of my wand and sealed the deal. 

There was a moment of complete quiet as the flames sizzled out of existence. 

"Well, you're screwed now, Sexy," Rock winked saucily, letting go of his hand. I tilted my face up to the ceiling and shook my head. She grabbed my arm and we exited his quarters. 

After a few minutes of walking, I sighed. "You realize there's no way he's going to remember any of this when he wakes up tomorrow, right?" I asked wryly, wondering how we were going to get through this one without getting expelled. 

"Of course he's not," Rock replied as if this wasn't a major problem. "I'm counting on it." 

I stared at her sharply. "What does that mean?" I inquired. "You're counting on it? What on earth for?" 

She smiled at me impishly. "This way, when he comes asking what happened last night, we can have a little fun." I still didn't get it and I made sure that my expression conveyed this fact to her. "Jen, we can mess around with his mind, imply things that didn't happen." 

"I don't know-" I started. 

"Oh, come on!" she insisted. "You wouldn't add on to the Unbreakable Vow. Would you at least grant me this small moment of joy?" 

I raised an eyebrow. "Messing with Snape's mind causes you joy?" I asked dryly. 

She shrugged. 

"Well, I can't very well mess with his body, now can I?" Rock winked.

I stared at her in disbelief. She was joking, right? 

"Okay, I could mess with his body, but I'm going to wait until he's sobered up."