One Hundred Ways To Annoy Snape (Finished)

Unplanned

I was admittedly more nervous today. I mean it didn't take a genius to figure out who switched the lesson plans once the exchanged had been discovered. The question was... what was his reaction going to be? After all, we did kiss him yesterday. Perhaps his reaction would be toned down a bit. Or so I dearly hoped. I did not want to deal with my parents' disappointment of being expelled because I decided to keep my friend in line by annoying Snape with her. 

Speaking of Rock, she was chewing gum. Obnoxiously, but that was to be expected. I arched an eyebrow at her. "Really?" 

She smirked. "Want a piece? There's plenty to go around," she shrugged, casually flicking some onto the desk. I stared at it for a minute and popped it into my mouth. Might as well, right? You don't just leave gum around and let it go to waste. That's like a crime against nature. "Think Snape's going to be pissed?" 

"Yes," I snorted. "Since when isn't he?" 

"True. But for some reason, I think he'll actually be okay with this one," she frowned musingly. "This cannot happen. We need to really top ourselves next time because I simply cannot have Sexy's blood pressure at a normal level." 

I rolled my eyes. "God forbid... Oh, here he comes!" Rock and I immediately assumed formal sitting positions, showing that we were listening fully and had a great respect for our beloved Potions Master.

"Good afternoon, Professor," we said at the same time. Snape looked like he wanted the both of us to go far, far away from him as soon as possible. 

Ignoring us, he simply growled at the class, "Turn to page two hundred and thirty-eight and brew the potion." Rock and I shared a look, surprised that he hadn't already noticed that he didn't check the page. We were well into the three hundreds. Perhaps our dear professor was feeling off today. Whatever the reason, the class didn't seem to be complaining and they eagerly turned the book to that page. 

A good fifteen minutes later, Snape did a quick survey of the room, and with each correct potion, he became more and more distrustful of the results. When he reached us, his eyes narrowed. I had to turn away because I can never keep a straight face on for long under pressure. Snape knew that's how he could get us. "Miss Dewitt," he began. 

"What?" I asked hesitantly, pulling a face. 

"Did the two of you switch the lesson plans with the second years'?" he asked in a soft, dangerous voice. 

I swallowed. "Nope," I lied brightly, smiling widely. "We did not switch the lesson plans, sir. We merely thought challenging them would be beneficial to their mental development." There was a pause. "Obviously, you do not agree with our mentality." 

"That is an understatement," he hissed. 

Rock chimed in, "Well, you're lessons are hardly challenging, Professor Sexy. You aren't the most difficult teacher in the school. I think Hagrid is higher up on the list than you and all you have to do in his class is pretend to like the creatures. Me and Jen here could do better than you" 

Oh, God... Why did she have vocal cords? I appreciate her humor, yes. But I still wanted to see tomorrow. Well maybe not tomorrow because I have a test tomorrow. But I certainly want to see Saturday. Snape leaned forward, his dark eyes glittering in such a scary way, I wanted to jump behind a desk and hide for a minute. "If you disapprove of my teaching methods, Miss Riddle, You and Miss Dewitt teach the first years this afternoon" 

I blinked. That was it? Pfft, my grandmother hands out worse punishments than that! "Yeah, all right," Rock agreed. "Will you be in the room, watching?" 

His lip curled and he stood up straight. "Of course I will, you foolish girl. I can't leave you two alone for a minute. Otherwise you might destroy the castle with some idiotic idea to 'improve' things," Snape snapped. 

She glanced at me. "Since when do we do that?" she drawled. 

**********************

Rock and I were laughing quietly together, waiting for the first years to enter the room. Snape stood in the corner, his arms crossed, and he was scowling darkly. We had the best lesson plan ever, even if Snape would never approve or agree. The first years all looked pretty happy to have two nice girls teaching them than one cruel man for once. Eh, couldn't really blame them, there. "Good afternoon, class," I greeted, smiling winningly. 

"Tone it down a bit, Jen," Rock said dryly. "You don't want to scare them away." We laughed. "Anyway, today we shall be doing something from the olden days. You know, when Professor Snape was seventeen. Just kidding. We all know that Sexy over there is hot and fresh." 

Some of the first years giggled. "Rock... they're eleven," I muttered, then continued brightly, "This comes from anicent China... or is it Japan?" I questioned. "No, I'm fairly certain it's China. Yeah, let's just go with that." 

Snape looked slightly impressed despite himself. Yeah, that wasn't going to last very long... "Everyone take out a bit of parchment," Rock commanded. "No quills or ink required and any length will do. We're going to take a test." Now Snape was surprised that our lesson plan sounded legitimately like something he'd do. I would've felt bad for him, but I was having too much fun. 

"This isn't like a normal test," I added on. "You all have to stand up. Good. Now crumple up the parchment into a ball. Rock here will demonstrate. Now, on the count of three, throw the parchment at Professor Snape. One, two, three, GO!" 

Rock and I just about doubled over laughing. "Oh, my God! THAT was epic!" she cried out in mirth. I was gasping for air. 

I had to sit down for a minute. This was far too much fun. Snape, however, did not think so. Apparently, being hit with a good thirty pieces of parchment wasn't an uplifting experience for him. Hmm. What a shame. Did a pretty good job of making Rock and me happy. "P-professor," I gasped, still grinning like an idiot. "You should've seen the look on your face! That was priceless!" 

"You have to hand it to the Chinese; origami is a great art," Rock smirked. "Everyone passes the test." 

"And what, pray tell, was that test, Miss Riddle?" he spat. 

She shrugged. "That's easy. It was an accuracy test to see if the students could hit a moving target." Snape took several deep breaths, trying to calm himself down a bit before murdering us in the most painful manner possible. 

"Get out," he hissed. "Go to the headmaster and get out of my sight! The next time I see either of you, you better never be coming back to this classroom or any other in this school!" 

Hmm. Why are things often less funny ten minutes after they're over? Maybe it's just a Snape thing. Did we screw up again or was Snape just really not in a good mood? For our sake, I hoped it was just that he wasn't a positive person in general. I didn't want to leave and neither did Rock. 

We left to go see Dumbledore again for the second time in one week.