Finding Neverland // Peter Pan X Reader (editing)

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Reader's P.O.V

Thoughts never leave me, they never let me breathe...It feels like they're trying to suffocate me until I find the answer through them...

It feels like I'm being crushed into the bed underneath me...my head is heavy with destructive thoughts, those imagined as bricks slowly building the abstract reality of issues and confusion... My heart in sync with the numbness and pain, a sensation of multiple fiery needles piercing through and through, never-ending pain of guilt sending shivers across the skin of my now frozen body...

It hurts so fucking much...

Why does it hurt? Love is not supposed to hurt...

I've read novels and all that crappy shit about how people view love... But damn they were right when they said that love and death are two common and universal human journeys...Yeah, I think my guides messed up and put two of them into one bloodred pot to boil because right now all I know is that I am completely and utterly in love with a murderer, a bloody demon and yet I can't walk away... I know I should...one way or another being in love with him will only bring me or my loved ones suffering or worse..death. How can I not walk away after everything, after all, that he put me through? 

What I know is that when you love someone, and there are a million reasons to leave, you'll still look for the one to stay.

So what's that one for me?

''Do you know just how messed up you look?'' Not the sweet-talk that's for sure.

I turn to my side heavily, humming with a lazy smirk.

''Can we talk?'' A ping went through my already bruised-up heart, guilty shivers showing up on my skin again. Does he know?

''Okay...'' He sat down on top of the small table chair, while I sat up on my bed, face to face with him.

If he knew just what Felix and I talked about, we'd be scolded or punished already, right?

Maybe it's about this morning?

Just what the hell does he want?

''I was in our cave...'' My eyes searched up his body to his perfectly sculpted face...Our?

''And?''

''I was thinking... like really thinking about everything. From the beginning to here, right now... What I've done...I just, can you be honest with me?''

"I'm always honest," Well...

"Give me the valid answer, (Y/N)."

"Yes."

He sighed out deeply, running his veiny hand through his hair, making me forget the surrounding for a minute before his question crushed me down to reality.

"Am I a monster?" I sucked in a breath, clenching my eyes shut before opening them to stare at his own.

"Yes...what? Did you expect me to say no?"

"Well-"

"You're a monster. That's true. No lies there. It was a great story about the demons capturing your heart, but the only demon inside of you is you." He raised his eyebrows, ready to stop my rant but there is no way I can go on without saying what's been heaving down on my heart.

"Don't look at me like that, I know that...I know that if it wasn't for a better plan in your head, my brother would be dead by now. I am aware that nothing will stop you from getting his heart if mine doesn't work." He stood up in a whoosh, towering over me, making me feel like a minor.

I got onto my feet as well, facing up to his fuming face, ready to pounce on me if I even dare to speak another word. But I can't stay silent, not after all this time... Not now. Even if the words I'm about to let loose pain me to no end.

"I'm nothing but a mare tool in your game. You play everyone, don't you? You tortured the very boys you tried to save, you tormented a poor, defenseless girl over and over again, made her believe that you were sorry for your actions, but next minute you force sweet Logan to molest her."

He stayed silent with his jaw clenched and eyes glaring down at me.

"I know the mind games, Peter, you can't convince me otherwise. I also know that the only reason their child got to spawn free for a while is because of your own personal plans with it, or dare I say its heart. But somehow you decided to kill the babe, which made me doubt my thoughts but the talk we had proved the point of just how strong the loving heart can be...So you stuck with mine... Don't bullshit me now, you don't love me. Never did. But you played your part well, I'll admit that..."

"So, my answer is that you...You are a monster Peter Pan and I am a fool who fell for one."