Finding Neverland // Peter Pan X Reader (editing)

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     I never valued time before. How it feels to age, it's like you grow every day without noticing any changes, until you're old enough to feel old. Slowly you see a different person staring back at you, you see the wrinkles, the imperfections caused by the time.

I never valued time. I never noticed how my parents looked, how they grew day by day, I never valued the gray hairs mum used to die, I never valued their wrinkles, their smiles, their existence. I never valued what I had, until I lost everything. 

"You're not sleeping,'' Familiar voice broke me away from these crucial thoughts. They hurt more than anything. 

''Surprised?'' He took a seat next to me, not saying anything, or has no idea what to say. Neither have I.

''I'm not, but I don't think you should-''

''No, please. Don't say anything. I don't want to hear anything.'' It's not supposed to be fair to anyone. This isn't fair and no words can make me feel better.

''You're not okay, at all, why do you keep pushing me away?'' Desperate, I see. I'm not buying that.

''Oh, you care? Since when?'' I stood up, shaking my head, him following.

''Don't be like that, you know I care for you,'' A huff left my chapped lips as I turned to him with rage.

''Really? Do you? Where were you when your lovely friend decided to dump me? Where were you when he hurt me? When he almost ripped my heart out?! Where were you?! Because you were not there! You were not there.'' Damn these tears, they don't know when to stop.

''If you truly cared for me, Felix, you would've helped me, you would've been there for me when I needed you the most, but you weren't, so don't you blame me for not wanting to be close to you, for not talking to you,'' I drew in a shaky breath to somehow calm the waterfall flowing down my face.

''(Y/N)-''

''No, please, no,'' With that I left him, not giving a second glance at his pained eyes. He left me first. 

I threw myself on my bed, staring at the same green tent I've stared at for months while reviving agonizing memories that I wish I could simply erase. 

''Scarlix! Hey! Have you seen Peter?'' I sighed disappointedly after he shook his head. Where the heck is this idiot.

''Wendy? Have you seen Pet-'' Oh God! Oh my God! ''What the hell?!'' 

''(Y/N)...?'' 

''You... You bastard! I-I what?! Wendy? No...'' A humourless laugh left my lips as I watched them get dressed. I need to get away from here. I rushed out of her tent as he calls out for me desperately.

That bastard! After everything! After I told him everything. After everything that's happened.

I ran past Felix into the woods, his voice still calling for me but I don't stop, I can't stop!

My eyes blurry, my lungs slowly losing oxygen, my feet losing their pace causing me to lose my balance as I fell on my knees. 

''W-why?'' The lump in my throat, heavier than ever as their naked bodies appeared in front of me, over and over again.

''(Y/N)...'' 

''L-leave me alo-ne...'' Why...why...why...

''(Y/N)...'' I stood up with my knees wobbling, I felt something wet and sticky on them, definitely blood. 

''N-no, don't! I-I don't want to... D-don't explain... I saw enough...'' I couldn't look at him, how could I look at him?!

''It means nothing to me, she means nothing to me, you know she doesn't,'' He reached forward but I took a step back immediately. ''(Y/n)-''

''She means nothing? She means a lot to me and you know how I feel about all these! I told you everything, I told you about Amy! You promised! You-you promised me! You said you wouldn't let anyone touch her..! You promised no one would hurt her...'' 

''Well, the boys haven't been near her...'' 

''It's not just that!'' Unbelievable!

''Than what is your problem?! Since when are you in charge of my life?! Who the fuck do you think you are?!'' He walked forward caging me between himself and the tree. ''Since when do you own me?!''

''Who am I to you?''

''What?''

''Who am I to you?!'' I screamed at his face as he took a step back.

''What the fuck do you mean?'' He looked at me annoyed, looking desperate to end all these.

 ''Us! I mean us! What are we?!'' 

''Really?'' He crossed his arms in front of him making me angrier than ever.

''You kiss me, you play nice and caring and the next day you fuck my friend? How's that nothing to you?'' 

''Look, calm down and stop making a fuss out of nothing,'' I slapped his hand away as he tried to grab me.

''You are an asshole! I can't believe I thought you've changed! You're still an annoying douche!'' A pained gasp left my lips as I felt his fingers clenching around my heart. My breathing quickened as I tried to get as much air in my lungs as possible.

''You stupid bitch, don't you ever speak to me like that, don't you ever yell, touch, look at me again, you're nothing to me, you mean nothing to me, I fuck whoever I want and you don't get to tell me that, you are nothing but a burden, so don't come close to me. If I see you ever again, I'll crush your heart but not before I make every boy have a go at you, understood?''

He squeezed my heart with his fingers as his red eyes looked down at my weakened state. 

''I said, do you understand?!'' 

''Y-yes!'' I choked out as he released me. My knees buckled as I fell on them for the second time while coughing hectically. 

''Remember your place, lass.'' 

Tears welled up in my eyes as I coughed out a cry. He's never going to change.

A nobody... That's what I am to him... 

Another night of emptiness. When will this stop. I need all of these to stop... Please...