cherry (h.s)

sixty

Charlotte Thompson

I felt so lost.

Everything shifted. I was so happy. I was in love.

Now it feels like I've come full circle, hating my life in my bedroom...and no Harry.

After Harry walked out last night I couldn't compose myself. I cried. I called Zoe, who was now back home with Ricky. I told her everything and I absolutely broke down.

She told me she would come over but Ricky wasn't letting her leave. I understood.

At one point during the night, I heard my dad downstairs. I got up from my bed and went to the top of the stairs, seeing him with his car keys.

I asked him where he was going and he said he needed to go for a drive to clear his head after everything that happened.

He won't let me have a conversation with him and it's hurting me.

Later in the night, while I was trying my hardest to fall asleep but simply couldn't, I heard my bedroom door open.

I turned around on my bed so I could see who it was.

Rosie.

She came in, rubbing her eyes and walking over to my bed.

"You're supposed to be asleep." I tell her, moving over in my bed and lifting the covers so she could come in.

"I can't." she replies.

I lay on my side next to her, both of us facing each other.

I always swore I'd keep her safe, and I wasn't here to do that. I'll always feel guilty. She doesn't deserve all this confusion and chaos, she's only nine years old.

"What did you do when you were gone?" she asks me quietly.

Oh god.

"A lot. I did a lot of things." I quietly tell her.

"Did I make you mad? Is that why you ran away?" her voice speaks and she averts her eyes. My heart nearly breaks for like the fifth time today hearing her say that.

She thinks it's her fault.

"Rosie, no." I immediately shake my head and grab her hand. "You did absolutely nothing, okay? Nothing is your fault."

I cant believe she spent these last few months wondering if she caused this.

As I held her hand, I felt something around her thumb. It made me hold her hand out in front of my face to see what it was.

Around her thumb, was one of Harry's rings.

"Where did you get this?" I question, examining the familiar ring with the gold band.

"Harry gave it to me before dinner because I said this was my favorite one." she tells me.

I couldn't look at her eyes after she said that. Thinking about Harry hurt me a lot. Him leaving this ring here was like him leaving a piece of himself.

"Where is Harry? I thought he was staying here?" Rosie says.

I shut my eyes briefly and let out a shaky sigh. I don't know if we're broken up or whatever, but he made it clear that he isn't coming back.

He walked out without hesitation. If this is his idea of making my life better, he's got it completely wrong. I don't want normalcy or stability. I want him.

"He, uhm—" I hesitate in answering Rosie. "He had to leave. It's just better that way."

She looks at me, confused, like she didn't quite understand. But there's a lot of things that can't be understood about what happened with him and I.