Aizawa x Reader: My Goddess

Chapter 42: sad and surprised

**i'm very proud of this one hehe**

"What the hell were you thinking?" Shota asked as we entered his apartment. Or, I guess, our apartment now.

The entire way home was silent and solemn as everyone tried to process what had happened.

I was seconds away from killing my father, and although he had been calm and loving in the moment, it was obvious Shota was on the verge of losing his cool.

I walked away to change out of my hero costume, feeling more like a fraud than ever.

I wasn't a hero, but I wasn't a villain either. I was trapped somewhere in between, and I didn't know where to go.

I didn't know who I was anymore. I didn't even know who I wanted to be.

Shigaraki told me I had lost my edge, and he was right. Before this job at UA, I would've killed my father on sight without a second thought.

I had imagined it so many times. The thought of his blood running down my blade, splattered on my clothes.

The sound of his cries as he begged me to get it over with, but I wouldn't. I would drag it out so that he felt every ounce of pain I could manage to pull from him.

So, why couldn't I finish it?

"Y/n," Shota called as he walked into the room as I changed.

"What?"

He grabbed my arm and forced me to look at him once I had finished pulling up a pair of black leggings, "Don't ignore me."

As I stared into his dark black eyes, I felt a wave of panic rush over me.

He was the reason I couldn't kill my father. And I didn't know whether I loved him or hated him for it.

"What do you want, Shota?" I stared at him coldly.

His mood changed as he looked into my empty eyes.

He brought his hand to my face and held it gently, "Please, tell me what happened."

"I want to kill him, and you..." I trailed off as I tried to keep my composure. "You stopped me."

"I know you're angry, and I know you're hurting. But Y/n, you don't want to kill him. That's not who you are."

I pushed his hand off me, "Then you have no idea who I am."

"Yes I do. And you're not who they want you to be. You're not a killer."

I laughed, letting myself lose some control, "But I've already killed, Shota. So yes, I am."

I watched as his jaw clenched and his eyes pierced into me. Good. I wanted to him to hate me. I wanted it to hurt less for him when I left.

"You don't think I knew that? Do you think I'm some fucking idiot?"

My eyes widened at his response. It definitely caught me off guard.

"Me, Nezu, All Might, Hawks. We all know. You're not as mysterious as you think, Amaterasu," he hissed at me.

I couldn't help as tears formed in my eyes, "Then why do you all care so much if you know who I really am?"

"Because!" he grabbed my both of my hands in his. "Because that is not who you are!!"

"Then who am I, Shota?" I let the tears escape. "Because I sure as hell don't know anymore."