Life is a school.

City of angels

Eric's POV:
After I said goodbye to Lilith at the airport I finally reached the area where I can wait till my flight is boarding. Beforehand I bought myself a mate tea and a cereal bar. So I take a seat in the waiting hall and grab my laptop. My plan is to produce some beats that I can upload next. Before I start, I check my SoundCloud page and it's still on fire. Thousands of comments from people all over the world. Especially Russian is quite dominant. Nice, I like the language it's fucking brutal. I start with a slower beat and try to make it seem a bit scarier than the ones before. One thing I noticed in the comment section was that they especially liked when it was kind of darker. The next songs are planned to be lyrically about suicide and depression. A thing I faced every now and then. It was hard... often thoughts keep me awake and only Lilith can make me really happy these days. I will miss her soo bad, but I am also worried. The way she looked at scrim was making me furious. He is a giant dick and he knows that. She is my girl and I will fight for her. The beats I make sound like they are full of aggression and hatred, not what I wanted to archive but I liked the vibe it was giving me. I want people to feel the emotions that I felt when they hear this. After I made the beat I started to write some lyrics down. I quoted books I like, like the Kybalion and ranted about Lavey because fuck Lavey, all he was was a fucking poser. Just like this Scrim dude, I still can't stand that she likes him so much. Like he looks like a drug addict that lost his last two brain cells a couple of days ago. I just don't get it... my inner monologue is disturbed by the speaker saying that I am allowed to check in now. With this my heart is rapidly beating faster, I never admitted that I have always been afraid of flying but something just makes me want to question being able to fly somewhere. I am not a bird, I am more like a dead man and dead people belong underneath the earth and not in the fucking air. My anxiety is literally pushing me in the line, my face pale as a blank sheet of paper and my face fearless but still so drowned in thought. "Sir, are you okay?" The lady at the counter asks me, that is currently checking my passport and the tickets. "Oh... I... I am just very nervous. You probably see people like me every day..." I mumble, my words sound like they are not meant to be understandable. "Sir, you have been waiting in the wrong area, this is a first class ticket. We would have had a very luxurious lounge for you. Please take a seat in the front of the airplane. And if you have any concerns or questions about your flight, or if you need any medication against the anxiety we have everything for you on board. Please enjoy your flight.": this woman nicer it could be to me giving me my passport and the ticket back. As I walk down the gate I feel my stomach drop and the world surrounding me spinning. My feeling is just getting worse with every step I take that brings me closer to the airplane. I take deep breaths to fill my lungs that just seem shrunken together at this point. The stewardess welcoming me in the plane looks just as concerned and gives me a little package of gummy bears with little airplanes in it: "Sir, maybe you'll need this. You look almost sick..." she smiles slightly and leads me to my seat. I sit down, it is a first class cabin all for me. There is even a blanket and some gums already laid out for me. I try to get as comfortable as possible in this situation and raise my hand for a stewardess to notice me. After some time one quickly comes into my direction: "sir we are about to start..." I swallow this big chunk that is stuck in my throat to be able to say anything: "c... can... I get sum me..me...dictation, please." I couldn't get anything out of my throat. This is true suffering. She nods and hands me a small bottle of pills. "Here, I will bring you water as soon as we are allowed to serve." She smiles and happily leaves. I need to swallow these dry, no problem for me but they are quite big and I don't know what that is so I better take two or three of them, just to make sure the dosis is enough.
The flight started and the world is spinning again, again and again. The furniture slowly moves in a rhythm with my thoughts and I order a vodka lemon to pour the rest of the pills down.  The flight passes within seconds for me and I stumble out of my seat. Everything is dull and the weight of my body is dragging me down to my knees. While walking out of the plane to grab my shit at the baggage conveyor belt I stumble across some seats and hit my arm a couple of times. I must be wasted as shit... and I am about to meet the guy that would want me in their music label... great. At the entrance hall I quickly find my bag and go to the couple of people with a sign: "GBC Ghostemane". There are three dudes, one has white short hair and looks like he just dropped a couple of pills of the same shit I just did, a more normal looking guy and another one with quite some face tatts and funny looking hair. "Hey you must be Ghostemane right?" The guy with the facetatts says. I grin: "at least I hope so, this flight made me fuuucked up." The guy in front of me giggles: betcha, looks like you're already rollin' dude. I'm peep, that's bexey and this is our manager Rowan." I scratch the back of my head and wave them: "thanks guys for letting me play at one of your shows, really appreciate it!"
We drive to their crib and already in the bus bottles of booze are handed to one another and they seem to be partying like crazy. I'm not the most social person so I try to make myself a bit more talkative by drinking. But often I overshoot the line between drunk and wasted. So I wanna be as sober as possible for the gig tonight. I really don't wanna fuck this up.