Life is a school.

One last time

Erics POV:
The gig was about to start and honestly I didn't feel so good anymore... That terrible feeling was back. How dumb was I to believe that I could just be sober for a couple of days and everything will be fine? How naive and credulous... I... I can't every little inch of my body hurts, my head is pounding and I shiver like it's freezing cold in the concert hall. The backstage area is quite dark, it's small and the room we have to get ready is literally just a coffee table, two couches and a hanger to put the jackets... nothing luxurious. But it was enough. Around me the smell is intensifying my need for drugs. I can smell weed, tobacco, cocain, lean and alcohol. The party was at it's high peak before the show. Everyone around me was so wasted it made me uncomfortable just by seeing them act like full blown idiots. I can't believe I must've been acting like that for weeks, months. I don't even know anymore. I can't stand this. All those people partying like crazy and the desire to escape this situation is unbearably high. But how? I'll have to stand on stage with these people in some minutes...
It's like hell, the anxiety is crawling up my neck like insects slowly moving over my upper body and burning the skin off my face. I can't breath, it's like I forgot to. My heart is beating like someone chased me. And yes I am being chased. And the person who is chasing me is called Xan. She is a beautiful, crazy lady. She has been seducing me for quite some time now. She is truly a grown up but she leads me to bad behavior, bad habits. And I am absolutely and fully aware of that! But still it is the urge to resist, that light that's currently choking on the smoke that's filling the room. My personal strength of resisting the drugs is so weak. And with every breath I take, every time my nostrils fill with the smell of substance abuse it gets weaker and weaker.
It's like you put a plate of food in front of a starving person and you tell them not to eat the food. For them it'll be live saving. For me...
I don't even know anymore.
"Ghoste it's your time." Peep hypes me up and grabs me. I hear the beginning of my first song and just listen from behind the curtain. It's a flee or fight situation right now. At least it feels like it. What I totally forgot, I've never been sober on stage. What if I fuck up the lyrics? Or they hate me? What if I can't perform sober? What if they'll see how awful I actually am? What if Lilith came to see me? Oh Lilith... she was the love of my life. She should've been the mother of my kids and oh what have I done?
"Ghostemane, Ghostemane, Ghostemane" I hear a crowd outside. Some kids screaming my name and I hear that the music is playing and we are literally in the middle of the track. Still I stand with my feet buried in the concrete floor.
I gotta act quick. I can't go out there like this...
I sprint into the backstage area, take a Xan in my palm and crush it with my creditcard on the coffee table. I snort it up my nose and take a random shot laying around. Ugh strong one.
I feel the Xanax in my system already. It's always first boosting me before the low comes. Well the tiredness and shit. I already feel better, my headaches gone and I feel alive again. The past few weeks felt dead and absolutely restless. Now I have found my peace. The crowd is cheering to me while the song starts again and all the anxiety was gone.
It was an amazing show, the performance was great and the crowd was lit. When I ended my performance and went back to the backstage area falling onto the couch and after that... black out.

Lilith's POV:
It's my birthday. It's still my birthday. We are on our way to the skatepark carrying the skateboards under our arms. Everyone had their own blunt. A rare thing. Normally we always share but today it's special! Everybody gets to have their own one. Ruby has his long hair open with a cap on and is wearing his usual clothes. Scrim is not wearing his glasses today and he has some ripped jeans and a black sweater. Honestly we kind of match today. I smirk, I like that detail: "Yo Scrim! We gotta take a picture for Instagram later! We're matching bro!" He rolls his eyes: "you know I hate fucking cameras!"
I pout while begging him: "come on! It's my birthday!" I literally fold my hands and punch his shoulder.
"Yeah sure... but I won't do those tumblr 'best friends forever' dumb bitch ass poses. Nah." His reaction is hilarious, how he imitates those typical nice girls is pure comedy. Even Ruby can't control himself and just break out in laughter. We arrived at the skatepark and they had even hung up some balloons and a small banner with: „Happy Birthday Lilith". Some hiphop was playing in the background and everyone came to gratulate me. But Violin was not there yet.
I opened a beer and decided to go skating for a while. And skating with a glass bottle in your hand isn't the best idea put still it worked.
After a few hours when the sun set she arrived. Violin arrived. She was wearing some green cargo pants, that just fit her military vibe of walking and a black fit crop top. It kind of reminded me of Kim Possible, this tv show that I loved when I was small.
„Hey!" she came up to me and smiled. Instantly her arms swung around my body and she pulled me into a hug. That was... uncomfortable.
„Hi Violin. Thanks for coming!" I greet her and offer her something to drink. She lit up a cigarette and looks at Scrim. He comes up to us and grins with his white teeth: „I didn't know you made friends? Yo I'm her brother Scott but please call me Scrim. And you are?" he seems different, a bit more charming and one who knows scrim can feel when his dick is thinking. He definitely finds her super attractive. At least it seems to me like it. I mean I can absolutely understand his sudden passion or well I would more describe it like his change.
She smiles, it's that smile again. She does look like an angel! She is purely flawless. Her skin is soft like a peach and her hair smells like lavender. Her body is the one from a supermodel and she is almost as tall as Scrim himself.
Everything about her makes me wanna hate myself...
"I'm Violin. I don't really got a nickname so just call me Violin. You're living with Lilith right? I just moved here... alone. So no one of my families is here. But I don't mind." She introduced herself, which made me think.
I didn't know she lived here alone. Violin told me about her parents being in control over everything but... she seems pretty independent now.
Maybe trauma and shit... oh I know that too well...
"Hey Lilith... um can we go for a walk? I'm uh... I'm not feeling very well..." she asks me and her perfectly body drops down in a painful posture and I just nod and go on with her.
"You are a very good person. Even though I don't know you very well. I feel like I have been searching for you. For longer than I actually wanted to." She starts and around the corner she was able to walk normal again.
"Thanks... I guess? Are you okay again?" I inquired about her health because it seemed really weird to me. The whole situation stank like an old fish. My heart started running away from my body and with every step I made one braincell shut down. Pure anxiety rose to my chin and the instinct coming from my gut was maddening. Something was wrong. Very wrong about this whole thing. About hell.
The palm from my hand was sweating and everything was moving in slow motion. But my legs they were stuck. Stuck in this situation, I had no self control. Everything was just insubstantial...
"What the hell is going on?" Because of my anxiety I only trembled over the words. I couldn't describe or make sense of what was going on inside my body but something was.
Deep down from my feet, up my spine and into every little vein I felt that something horrible,
Something so terrible unable to tell what was gonna happen.
I knew it will send me straight up to war, a war inside my head.
A war full of deaths and torture so far away from luck and happiness.
It will come I can already see it.