TAINTED [hs]

15.

Adeline Campbell

Fuck

Its always going to be like this isn't it? He fucks up because he overthinks some random ass shit and pokes my heart, but then decides to have a change of heart the next day.

I'm wondering how many pokes it will take my heart to shatter. Or the bees to get angry.

It will hurt one of us. Or both of us.

What did I do? I just couldn't help myself when I saw his pink full lips. He looked so pouty I just had to kiss him, he doesn't even notice that he pouts that often.

He kissed me back, hard. But what now? I can't expect something from him. I can't get my hopes up too far. I'll only end up crushed.

The kiss was better than anything I had so far and it were only his lips. I wouldn't tell him that of course, his ego is already big enough.

I hope that it doesn't get awkward the next time I see him. I avoided him for breakfast and during the training session, I'm well aware that he watches us.
He doesn't even try to hide it.

My first thought was how relieving it was to finally kiss him but after Niall left I was also left alone with my thoughts. They crushed my hopes.

He wouldn't ever want a relationship. Let alone with me. He said he was angry when he said those words but he didn't say that he would take them back or that it isn't true. He meant it.

I would be just another girl for him. He cares about my body and likes to play with my emotions. His mindset is already toxic enough, he wants me all to himself, but gets off with every single girl that he meets.

It isn't fair

I don't know when he got so much control over me.
It's like I have no control but he has it all. Every time I'm with Nik or text Timothee the first thing that I do is comparison to Harry. Like the curls, dimples and accents. It's intoxicating, it's unhealthy and no good.

Every time I see a boy my mind goes to Harry, what he would look like doing what they are doing or what he would look like wearing what they are wearing.

At breakfast he always attempted to talk to my but got cut off by one of the boys talking in between. They seemed to tease him purposely, wanting to get on his nerves.

What the fuck is he doing to me. This shit is going to far and annoying the shit out of me at this point.
If he wants something he should man up and tell me, and if he doesn't than just stay away and mot give me mixed signals, for fucks sake.

If it hadn't been so nerve wrecking I would've laughed at his reactions. They really never let him speak to me, as much as he tried. And every time he glared at them they just fluttered with their eyelashes innocently. Niall and I snorted one time at that.

He stoped trying after a while, they had to go to sound check and still aren't back here. It's already passed dinner time and my mother is in the small cafeteria with the co-management and plans out small events like photoshoots or meet&greets. She seemed tired so I decided to bring them all some muffins and coffee or cacao.

They seemed to discuss something more serious, I know my mothers facial expressions and body language. I walk past the reception, slowly stopping when I hear two girls talk.

'Yes, he called me up twice yesterday' a blonde said and I already had an idea who she's talking about.

'Really? Twice, thats sooo-' the other one squeals, but is cut off by the blonde with brown eyes.