Can i love you ?

9

Cloudy skies and puffy eyes greeted me on Monday morning, a result of the tears and thoughts that consumed me during the midnight hours. After washing up, I found myself falling back asleep, lacking any motivation to go to school. I yearned to see her, but I didn't know what to say or if the desire to see her remained the same after yesterday's events.

In my slumber, I felt a faint vibration beneath my pillow. It was my phone.

Without bothering to look at the screen, I replied groggily, "Yes."

"Yoohyeon? Why are you still asleep? We have classes. Are you sick or something?" The voice on the other end sounded restless. It took me a moment to recognize it as Sorn's, a classmate. What did she want?

"I'm sick. What's going on?" I responded, my voice lacking energy.

"I thought you were just running late. Our teacher is taking their time to start the class, so I thought you might want to check with the dean's office. But since you're sick, it's alright. Get well soon," Sorn explained quickly.

"Thank you," I replied before hanging up and drifting back to sleep.

When I finally managed to get out of bed, it was already four in the afternoon. How could I have slept for so long? I couldn't fathom it. But hunger pangs urged me to eat, so I took a few bites of the chicken she had cooked the day before. Afterward, I sat at my computer, passing the time by watching the news, movies, and reading books. The day felt empty and pointless, leaving me more exhausted than rested.

Throughout the day, my mind was consumed by thoughts and questions. Why did she leave? Why did she initiate that kiss? What should I do next? It felt as if she had put an end to it all, and I had ruined something irreparable. I feared that we would never be able to look at each other the same way again.

Tuesday morning arrived with a pounding headache, likely a consequence of crying and spending too much time at the computer yesterday. However, today she had classes with our group. What should I do? On one hand, I longed to see her, but on the other, I was terrified of our encounter. I feared that I would come to realize that we could never be as close as before. It scared me. I was entangled in my own web of fears and desires. But I had promised her that I would come. It pained me deeply. How was she feeling? What did that kiss mean to her?

Such simple questions, yet they held such elusive answers. Did she even need me? Why did tears well up whenever I thought about it? Was I truly so convinced of my own worthlessness and insignificance?

But today, it was decided to skip classes, and besides, I wasn't feeling well.

However, my plans were interrupted by a call. This time it wasn't from my classmates but from the dean's office. I had promised to collect a certificate, which I conveniently forgot. And believe it or not, today was the last day to do so. Whether I liked it or not, I had to get out of bed and go to the university. Something about it bothered me, though.

I arrived at the university and paused for a moment. Minji was standing, engrossed in conversation with one of the teachers. She was facing sideways, and I don't think she noticed me. She looked stunning as always: a white blouse, a skirt that accentuated her figure, and heels. Simple yet magnificent. She seemed completely unaffected, laughing and talking. But for some reason, these thoughts stirred something within me. I quickened my pace, walked past the dean's office, and without looking back, entered.

My time in the dean's office was brief. I handed in the promised certificate and bid them farewell, feeling a sense of relief. As I made my way towards the exit, I unexpectedly collided with miss Minji, who was entering the dean's office in a good mood, unaware of my presence. Meeting her gaze, I took a step back, allowing her to pass. The joy on her face was swiftly replaced by anger, seemingly directed at something else. She tensed up as she walked past, and I, lowering my gaze, quickly rushed out. I wanted to escape from there as fast as I could. My heart was pounding, and calming myself down proved to be a challenge.