Past Her Insanity - Taylorde (complete)

• Ch.Eighteen - Ellie •

"Come on in", the doctor beckons and lets us into the room. "She's right over there"

He points to a bed and then excuses himself. Ed sits with his head in his hands on a couch across from Ellie. She's so still, so peaceful looking, despite the doctors and nurses that scurry around her.

"Hey", Ella whispers, sitting down beside Ed. She places a comforting hand on his back. He just nods in her direction and then continues to look downcast.

I dare to look towards Ellie. She's on a life support machine and a heart monitor. Her breathing is so breathy and quiet.

"I've said my goodbyes", Ed finally says. "Poor old thing"

I don't want to respond to that. With timid feet I creep over to her bed. A soft morning glow from a window drapes over her features in a curtain of gentle light, giving her an angelic and peaceful appearance. Feather light hair has been bunched into a little plastic cap. She sleeps on a single pillow. How dare they make her sleep with just one!

"Taylor?", Ella says, "We're here for you, okay?"

I nod, still not looking away from my precious Ellie.

"Oh Ellie", I whisper. "Oh God, Ellie... You won't believe the things I've done...", I begin, siting myself on a chair beside her. I linger around the side of her sleeping face, whispering into her ear,
"I'm on every billboard in the city, I've escaped that island, I've seen the sun set on NYC for the first time in I don't know how long... I've done so many things and I'm still so scared... Everything is so strange, I don't understand a lot of things. Like, why do people love to argue? Or why is walking on a red carpet such a big deal?... I don't want you to go, Ellie. I don't want you to go, I'm not ready"

I study her face. Her eyes are delicately closed and she's still breathing... I think. The purple mark from my angered punch to her soft lips still blotches under her skin. I grimace, guiltily.

"Please don't think I ever hated you, darling. I never hated you. You were an angel and I was a menace and I'm so so sorry for everything I've done.

I'm sorry that you had to put up with all of my problems every single day and that you had to listen to endless hours of my tears.

I'm sorry for not speaking to you or letting you know what was on my mind when you really cared and wanted to help.

But most of all, Ellie, I'm sorry for being me"

I lean over and plant a tender kiss on both of her cheeks and then her oxygen-masked lips, "I care, Ellie", I whisper, brushing my fingers over her pretty face, "I always cared... I love you"

Finally. I hope in my heart that she can hear me. I take her hand and glide my thumb over her skin.

And then a very very little squeeze responds to my touch.

The heart monitor beeps rapidly. Hands move everywhere, turning on this and that. I don't have the slightest clue of what anyone is doing.

I'm crying. I'm crying hysterically. Ella drags me back from the bed and needs Ed's help to hold me.
"What's happening!", I scream.

Ella's sobbing into my neck as she restrains me. The heart monitor draws out a long and obnoxious tone.

And with a final soft exhale, Ellie Goulding leaves me and the rest of this miserable world behind her, forever.

A doctor angrily throws his latex gloves to the floor. Another rushes into the room and looks over at the screen. With a disheartening nod he walks towards Ellie and attempts to bring her blankets over her face but I scramble to stop him.