Past Her Insanity - Taylorde (complete)

• Ch.Eleven - Hospital •

"Cancer of the trachea, or throat cancer, really comes under cancer of the lungs", begins the nurse who sits with us in the uncomfortably small hospital room. "The trachea branches into two smaller tubes called the main bronchi. It's more usual for lung cancer to start here, so it's sometimes called cancer of the bronchus or bronchial cancer. And when it starts to spread, things need to start happening"

"...And?", I say.

She laughs a little and then continues, "Your cancer has spread to the lymph nodes in your neck, Ellie. Now that it's there we need take more drastic actions to stop it from spreading any further. And we must act quickly. There is the option of chemotherapy... We can start you as soon as possible"

I turn to Ed. His hand squeezes my own, which is becoming so thin and frail, a little fragile branch compared to his firm hold. He gives me a look of defeat as he processes the harsh words. I turn back towards the nurse and nod, silently. She writes up something on her clipboard and then arises from her chair. With a smoothening of her apron she says that she will return later on this evening with news of the procedures and when I will have to fast.

Dead silence.

For hours, it seems. Until Ed finally lets out a heavy sigh and a scratch of his stubbly chin to break the tension. I sink further into my chair but that doesn't help the hacking cough I've had for these past few weeks. I wheeze and abruptly sit up, my throat burning. Ed worriedly hovers his hand over the 'assistance' button but I shake my head, not wanting another nurse or doctor in my face.

"Water?", Ed offers and moves a glass towards me. I hastily gulp some of it down but it tastes like chemicals and salt. I grimace and lie back once again.

"How long?", I ask.

"How long?", Ed repeats.

"Till I die", I add. "How much time do you think I have left"

Ed takes a moment to respond, "You really shouldn't be talking. You'll hurt yourself"

"I've had my painkillers, I'll be fine for a another hour or so". He shrugs and looks away, obviously not liking my argument. "We can talk about all sorts of things till then", I continue, "Like how many days I have"

"You're not going to die", Ed mutters.

"Chemotherapy, Ed. I'm starting chemotherapy. I'm going to be even more sick than I already am. And the cancer has spread now, so surgical removal of that bloody tumour in my throat will do little or nothing"

Ed is silent. He stares blankly at the overly clean floor and sulks.

"I'm dying, Ed", I whisper hoarsely.

He blinks hard to fight back tears and gazes up. "I just don't want to believe it"

"Neither do I... Will you look out for Taylor when I'm gone?"

"I'd love to but will she want me to? She seems to be shutting out soul after soul these days"

"You must try, Ed. I just know she doesn't like me as much as she likes you. And I've done everything to make myself seem approachable"

"Did you offer her tea?", Ed asks.

"Loads of times!"

"Weird"

"Oh but try comfort her, please. I can't stand the idea of Tay being alone... Though I think her situation with Ella is improving"

Ed smirks and sits back into a relaxed position. "I wonder how she could forget about that girl", he chuckles, "They never wanted to be apart"

"Remember the time Taylor was drunk and nearly proposed?", I giggle. "With an onion ring?"

"I think Meredith ate it after", Ed adds, laughing.

I sigh happily to myself. "Do you think they ever will marry each other? Now that Taylor is regaining her memory?"

Ed tilts his head to one side and squints as he thinks about the idea. Though it doesn't take long for a response. "Most definitely", he finally says with a firm nod.

I smile and blush at the thought of Taylor in a wedding dress, surrounded by coral rose petals and white winged doves. "She'd be a lovely bride", I sniff.

Ed looks up, "You would've been too"

Now it's my turn to look disheartened. "I would've said yes, Ed. But..."

"It's alright. Knowing that you would've said yes is all I need"

"Don't be selfish and move on from me", I say. He stands up and I almost think that he's about to walk out but instead he strides towards me and kisses at my cheek.

"Don't know if that'll go down well", he whispers.

"Silly boy", I grin, "I want you to be with somebody once I'm gone. I want you to be happy. That's all I want for everyone right now"

Two days pass and soon enough I'm attached to a drip with chemicals of a seemingly random variety creeping into my veins.

"You may feel a little light headed, Ellie. Tell us immediately if you do", my nurse instructs.

"Are the side effects going to be painful?", Ed asks with little wanting of an answer.

"It's different with everyone. She may not even feel the slightest bit sick"

I decide that I don't want to know the down side to this. I watch the minutes pass and my arm turn a dark purple, my veins becoming blue.

"Is that bad?", Ed asks, pointing to the colours under my skin.

"That's normal with every drip", I say calmly.

"Are you sure? Should we ask a nurse?"

"Ed, stop fussing, I'm fine"

I can hardly speak today. I know I'm getting worse. I wonder what happens after you die...

"What are you thinking about?", Ed asks.

"Is there a heaven?", I ask.

Ed smirks at my usual curiosity. "Who knows"

"Well there really doesn't seem to be a God at this moment", I huff.

"Maybe you'll become a ghost and then you can make tea out of dark matter or something", Ed jokes. "Bet that'd taste better than the Grey Lady"

"Bit morbid", I grin.

"You're the one talking about dying, he chuckles, an oddly comforting sound despite the topic of discussion.

I smile and continue watching my arm. "The VMAs", I say as the subject enters my mind, "Do you think you could get Tay to go this year? I know she isn't nominated for anything but I think it may be fun for her"

"I can name a few million who would be pleased with her appearance. I'll try my best"

"And another favour", I whisper.

"Anything", Ed says and leans in, intently.

"When I'm gone... don't let Taylor out of your sight"

A worried expression falls upon Ed's face. He knows why this must be done.

"Not for a minute"

----
An Sorry it's short! I needed a break somewhere from Taylorde, as unbearable as that sounds, so I could create a build up to the VMA ch which I think is going to be my favourite one.

Also, that Burning My Wolves story? It's going to be short (maybe even a long one shot) because the author I'm cowriting for needs a well deserved break from all the writing they've been doing. It's still a really cool plot do keep an eye out for it.

ALSO also, is the VMAs a good awards show for bitchiness to go down? It seems the easiest to write about since that's kind've where all the Taylorde feels kicked off. I was originally gonna write about the Grammys...