Past Her Insanity - Taylorde (complete)

• Ch.Five - Secrets •

Murky coffee stains the wood of the table we sit at as I take up my mug and sip down the hot drink, burning my tongue and filling my chest with warmth as I gulp it down.

"Alright, slow down", Ed teases as he looks up from his phone with a cheeky smirk. "This is your third one. Are you okay?"

I huff and lie back in the leather seat. Silly question. How could I be okay at a time like this?

"Oh I'm just brilliant", I say sarcastically with a forced smile and continue to drink.

"Well sorry", Ed apologises, raising his hands in mock surrender.

"No, no I'm sorry", I moan. "I'm just... so very stressed"

"I know you are, I understand that", Ed says and takes my free hand, fumbling around with my fingers.

That's what I always love about Ed. He doesn't say "That's okay" when you admit to feeling down. Because he knows that feeling down is not okay. And then he further acknowledges your feelings by saying that he understands. I've got myself a very special boy.

"You should put your phone down. Taylor will call when she needs to", he assures while he watches me scroll through my messages.

"It's been three days. I haven't spoken to her since I left! I'm worried about her"

"Perhaps Ella is just getting along really well with her and she doesn't feel the need to call you. This is Taylor we're talking about; she's unpredictable"

"Oh I know, I know. I'm sorry"

"Don't apologise, it's alright". Ed gives my hand a reassuring squeeze.

"I just don't know how I'm going to break this news to her Ed. I've got one more day till I have to leave for that... that horrible place! One more day. And I'll never be able to forgive myself for not telling her! Oh God, how is she going to react once she finds out I'm not coming back?"

Ed dabs at a sorry little tear from my cheek with his cardigan sleeve.

"Don't cry, sweet pea", he says, "Or you'll set me off too. And you and I both know how gruesome that looks"

I giggle and brush away at my eyes.

"I'll miss you", I whisper, my breath hitching in my throat.

"I'll miss you more", Ed says with a halfhearted sigh. He obviously doesn't want to talk about this. So I think it's best I change the subject.

"What do you think of Ella, anyway?"

"Interesting girl. You know, she told me she has a collection of hair that fans have sent her? Fans have snipped off locks of their hair and posted it to her. And she keeps it"

I laugh and we continue to talk about fans and the oddities that have been sent to us by our own fanbases. Ed is so easy to talk to. I'll miss that. Just then my phone rings. With haste I answer it without even checking to see who it could be. Ed politely sits back and sips at his chamomile tea, checking his own phone as I begin the long awaited conversation.

"It's Ella", comes a voice. I'm relieved.

"Ella! Hi! How's things? You didn't call yesterday, I got worried". And I know that now I must sound desperate.

"I'm great! And Taylor's settling nicely. This morning though, she forgot where you were. But that's just about it!"

"Just about? Was there anything else?", I ask. I can hear Ed chucking to himself.

"Um, no. I told her where you were and she remembered. She still doesn't remember me but I don't mind that"

There's an unsure tone in her last sentence but I ignore it. "Have you told her about the, um... situation?"