Confessions

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I want to start with a content warning for self-harm. This story will mention self-harm around the middle. The relevant paragraphs will have a "*" before and after it to mark where it is. If you do not want to read, go to the next chapter immediately.

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He looked at her as she focused on her food, her cooper hair hanging at the side. It was there fifth date, if Azriel even could call them dates. It was just the two of them, eating dinner together alone in the house of winds. The first time it was Gwyn that asked him, after training she had asked if he wanted to eat dinner with her.

"I... I need to get out from the library again." She had added. "After the rite..."

"Yes, we can eat dinner." Az had said back, and he could see how her cheeks turned red. That first dinner Az had left Gwyn to talk about what she needed. And she had done just that, mostly just talked about her work in the library. At the end of the night they had parted and Az shadows had followed her down to the library. Making sure she was safe. A week later Az had asked her if she wanted to eat dinner again. And it had become a weekly thing. The two of them, alone in the House of winds. Az had send Cassian and Nesta away, so they could be alone.

Gwyn was still focused on her plate, she had been quieter then usual this time. Az shadows swirled around her, on a distance. Trying to understand what she was thinking and fealing. They moved in closer, Az called them back, no need to scare her by going to close.

"It is okey." Gwyn said when the shadows moved away from her. "They can stay..."

"They aren't a distraction?" Az asked, the shadows once more moved around her.

"No..." Gwyn lifted her head and smiled at the strands of shadows that formed around her. "They are a confort." Az just looked, the shadows moved around her and it was not him who controlled it, not him who made them. They just did...
"I know that you don't tell them to, but I like it when they just show up in the library." Az blinked.

"I have never heard of that happening before..." His shadows had not told him that.

"Never? That is interesting..." Gwyn gave him a smile, and Az could feal how his shadows moved and twirled around, and his chest almost got tight.

"Have you?" He asked back, studying her face. Her freckles melted together at her cheeks turned red.

"I... I might have been reading a bit about shadow singers..." She said back, looking down. Azriels heart melted at the thought, Gwyn, this women in front of him, had started to look in to his abilities.

"What did you find?" Azriel had never done any extensive research abut his abilities, never really cared about it. But she had cared, Gwyn had cared enough to look for the information.

"Not that much, but one thing was that the shadows can start to develop sentience if the owner of them needs their individual help..." She was still looking down.

"I never knew that." Az said "What more did you find?" Maybe it was a bad idea that he never had done any research before.

"That they can warn for danger, but not inform about safety." Gwyn continued. "Like if the owner needs to be alone they warn if anyone is close. But if the owner needs to meet someone they don't warn him..." Like they hadn't done on that solstice...

"I have seen that..." In those dark moment in his life, when all he had done was to fail at his job, failed his High Lord, Failed his friends... His shadows had warned him when he entered a room or house if anyone in it, telling him so he could sneak in unseen. Except a few times... Like that solstice night, or... Az closed his eyes remembering the days after Rhys had been traped under the mountain.

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